Like someone once said, our brain craves familiarity as well as our body, it's less strenuous to go through a particular challenge for which you’ve been able to develop a coping mechanism for than facing a new challenge you’ve never encountered before.
Have you wondered why people go back to their Exes? A lot of people would call it quit, heck some can go as far as even swearing that they will never go back to their ex but give them some time, and they shamelessly go back to them. Remember it is not that their Exes are the best in the world but because their heart, brain, and body is used to these people so it's easier to continue than start all over again with others.
For the longest time, I have been scared of making decisions and starting all over. I am talking about making life decisions, decisions that have the power to either make or mar me. My brain and body are used to a particular lifestyle, so altering it was always hard. In a bid to tread cautiously, I always had to involve so many people.
Whenever I needed to make a major decision in my life I just saw myself running away and consulting my friends and family members, it kinda looked like I didn’t have a mind of my own, I couldn’t solely say what I wanted or what was good for me I just needed people to say these things or rather ‘think’ for me and this bothered me as I’d have to listen to different point of views and at the end of the day I’d end up being more confused than I earlier was.
My refusal to solely make decisions stemmed from me not trusting my choices and this bothered me, it kind of felt like I was growing in size, height, age, and many other aspects but permit me to say my thinking faculty wasn’t growing😂 because tell me how I’d have to call my family and friends every single time to deliberate on matters that concerned me, not once, not twice but every freaking time.
From afar I envied people who could make mind-blowing decisions, people who were fierce and could do just anything without thinking and thinking about their decisions or consulting different people for their opinions.
Simply put, my lack of confidence in my ability to think wholly and process things without a third party contributed to making me timid.
I continued to live with this burden for years. At first, I didn’t see it as a problem as seeking advice from your loved ones could be seen as normal but with time it became glaring that these opinions and advices I sought were me seeking people’s validation and there’s nothing as bad as seeking for people’s validation because you feel you are not good enough.
All through this phase of my life I thought about being a wife and a mother and not being able to nurture and guide my family because I couldn’t make decisions and it broke me. I knew the kind of woman that I have always aspired to be and in that woman, there was no room for cowardice.
I started my journey into being totally responsible for my actions and not being afraid of the consequences that came with whatever decision I took.
Transforming from the scaredy cat that I was to being a lady that was in charge of her life and decisions was no easy feat. I had to constantly deal with the voices in my head that didn’t fail to remind me of the “What ifs” whenever I needed to make a decision.
I started by believing in myself and my capabilities as the struggle was mostly mentally.
I moved to reducing the number of people I consulted. Not having as many opinions as I usually did was not easy but I did it anyway.
The fewer people I consulted the more progress I made in not just making my own decisions but also being accountable for them.
I transformed from the girl who would always panic and seek human validation whenever a big decision was staring at her in the eyes to a girl who would sit down all by herself, think logically, weigh her options, and make decisions without consulting anyone.
Am I 100% there? Oh no, but trust me when I say I have made progress over time, I have and I am glad that I am getting there😃
All images are mine except otherwise stated.
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Loads of Love🥰🥰
XOXO