In a world where people take their time to plan evil and execute well-strategized wickedness, having forgiveness as a common or recurrent remedy might be a very hard thing to come by.
In my view, to ensure complete forgiveness is attained, especially when someone intentionally offends me, I try to forget whatever it is they have done. But if they keep repeating the same thing, it may be hard to allow such people to move on with me as a friend or whatever position they hold.
Most times, one can forgive and yet distance one's self from the offender. This happens when the culprit seems to have the intention of repeating the same mistake, or the trespass is so big and heartbreaking that it's best to keep a distance. I find it easy to forgive people. But if betrayal or something severe is involved, I will definitely keep my distance.
Forgiveness in itself is a process. Based on how I've experienced it, both on the giving and receiving ends Forgiveness often depends on the severity of the offence, the offender, and the person offended.
For example, someone took your pen while you were about to enter an exam hall. Looking at this offence, it's not that serious, but let's take it a bit further. You realized that if you decide to buy another pen, you will be late for your exams and may even be disqualified.
Looking at the addition of the second scenario, it has made the offence look worse than it was. Let's add one more. At last, you decided to get the pen, and by the time you came back for the exams, you were not allowed to write it!
It's your final year at the university, and because you missed the exam, you had a carryover, an automatic spillover, so you must wait for a whole year before you can graduate.
If the scenario above ended with just stealing a pen and the person offended got another one, forgiving the offender shouldn't be a problem, but looking at what it later led to will definitely make forgiveness very hard to attain.
Anytime I'm about to do something, I try to imagine myself at the receiving end of my own actions and examine all the possible effects and outcomes. After justifying that it's good to go, I go ahead.
Like I said, I try to, but I don't always practice this. I think putting one's self in others shoes before approaching them or acting towards them might reduce offences and the need to often beg others for forgiveness.
Another thing I find surprising is how people try to justify their offences instead of owning up and apologizing. This delays forgiveness a lot, but as I've learned from reading, my elders, and my religion that you don't forgive people because they deserve it or they don't; you forgive them for your own sake, your peace of mind.
Some forgiveness sometimes comes with punishment because the offender might be motivated to keep repeating the same if they are not cautioned or reprimanded for their shortcomings.
All in all, I think people should try to invest more time and effort in understanding whoever they are dealing with. I believe this will foster better relationships and reduce offences. In addition, put others in your shoes. Let's always ask ourselves, "If someone does this or that to me, will I take it as an offence or not?"
