I had no boyfriend, haven't had one in three years, not since after Edward left without a word, and it irked me badly because age was apparently not on my side. I watched my classmates get married, not one or two but several. I had often wondered if something was wrong with me.
I took out the small mirror from my bag and peered into my face again, I was a very beautiful girl no doubt and heads should be turning whenever I passed by but the reverse was the case and I started believing that a spell might have been cast on me.
"If you are tired of being single, try this," Auntie Nene, the herbal tea seller was saying, stirring a pot with a scent of roasted herbs on the big kerosene stove.
"I have something that will work for anyone who's tired of being without a companion, a trial will surely convince you."
For so many years, Auntie Nene as she was fondly called by the villagers, had been brewing concoctions for all kinds of maladies and people believed her enough to patronize her. I have even on some occasions bought some herbal remedies from her. They were good, efficacious.
I laughed a little uneasily. "Love potion? Like real juju?" I asked as I stood in front of her brew stand. Somehow my legs had led me there.
She clicked her tongue. "This is called attraction enhancer with only herbs, honey, and one drop of your tears."
My tears? I asked shocked.
"Yes, just a drop of your tears" she said as she handed me a small bottle wrapped in a red cloth. "Make sure you put just one drop on your tongue before speaking to your man. One drop only." She reiterated.
I paid quickly for the weird bottle and put it away in my bag, I didn't want anyone knowing I bought one or that I intended trying it out as soon as I got home.
"What could possibly go wrong?" I muttered as I left.
A few days later, I stood in front of James' car, my heart was pounding. He had been my crush of two years. Tall and handsome with a voice like velvet.
Today was the day, as I offered up a little prayer. I wore my best dress, my sweet, and spicy orange dress and slipped Auntie Nene's bottle into my purse.
I waited until he opened his car door, then popped one drop and two, on my tongue. It tingled, then burned and then fizzed.
James turned and really looked at me.
“Hey, how are you?"
“I like you!” I blurted.
His pupils dilated as he blinked.
“I like you too. Wow....wow...wow. You’re simply amazing, breathtaking, beautiful, ethereal. You smell like fresh tamarinds.”
I blinked. Fresh tamarinds?
Then my phone buzzed.
Text from Edward, my ex-boyfriend who jilted me three years ago.
"I just remembered your smile, can we talk please?"
Then I got yet another text from Pastor Ben.
***"You were in my dream last night and I believe we are meant to build God's kingdom together."
“Hia” I exclaimed!
It was when my neighbour’s dog, a grumpy rottweiler suddenly ran up to me barking joyfully, tail wagging and following me about, I knew I had bitten more than I could chew.
“I love your perfume, it's divine.” Edward said, leaning in. “I suddenly feel like writing you a beautiful poem. You’re… you’re like a cherry coconut.”
Cherry coconut?
I backed away.
When I woke up the next morning, I had missed 50 calls, 30 voicemails, and someone was singing outside my window.
🎶 “Beerry, oh Berrrrry, my Mango sunshine!” 🎶
It was my landlord.
In a towel.
I screamed.
When I closed from work that evening, I stormed Auntie Nene's brew stand.
“Auntie Nene!!” I was waving the bottle like a weapon. “What did you put in this thing?!”
She looked up calmly, her eyes gleamed.
“Ah. You used more than one drop, didn’t you?”
I blinked. “Maybe two…”
She gasped. “Two? That wasn't the instruction I gave. Two's too much for one person."
I nodded sadly.
The next week was chaos, madness, insanity.
Edward showed up every day with gifts,chocolates, poetry, and even a big goat. Pastor Ben proposed with a Bible and a bouquet. My boss invited me to lunch, then q I passed by, calling me “his sweet angel.”
People were losing their minds everywhere I went.
I missed peace,I missed silence, I missed being invisible.
So I returned the love potion.
“Please I don't want anymore,” I told Auntie Nene.
She sighed. “Why, you don't want to be loved anymore?”
“This isn’t love, It’s obsession! I can’t even fart in peace!”
She laughed heartily. “Fine. Bring three items; two bitter leaves, salt, and a drop of rainwater.”
It took two days, but she brewed the antidote. As I drank it, I closed my eyes, praying it would work.
I didn't want serenades any more, no more goat gifts. No more middle-aged pastors dreaming of kingdom marriages.
I was ready to wait for love to happen naturally.
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