I read in a book that parallel universes are not very different from ours, it was a popular science book. The author alluded to the idea that they are different in the decisions we make, so in other realities, it may be different, it would not be the same as I am now. I think about that and it makes me a little envious.
I put down the reading and lay down to think about my past relationships. So many had failed because of bad decisions, relationships that never came to fruition.
I remember one time I was with a friend from college, her name was Estefania. We had arrived at the meatpacking department. I was waiting outside reading a police book, while she went to solve a problem with her student ID card. Two minutes after she went in, a beautiful brunette girl came out.
I never knew her name and I regret it very much. Right there I would change my universe to one where I asked for her number and name. She was interested in the book I was reading, I didn't notice the clear signs that she liked it. In other universes I should have given her my phone number in a romance movie style, just maybe we were still together until now. Maybe we would live together in a 6-year relationship.
I dismissed the whole alternate reality thing for a few months. Until I read a story about it. In the story, there were devices capable of communicating with their other realities by chat. So I went back to the vice of fantasizing about my decisions.
This time I found myself at the disco with my friends. There was a woman who caught my attention, she was probably older than me, but she was a bombshell. It was breathtaking to watch her dance and insinuate herself with her deadly hip movements. Surely in another universe, I would have taken the initiative and accepted the challenge to dance with her. Surely the night would have led to a spiral of memories and sensations somewhere far away from the crowd, an experience that I'm sure would be better than the regret I carry with me.
Months passed and I forgot about it again. Still, I am very curious, I watched a documentary on multiverses. As I watched the TV I kept imagining my possibilities.
This time it was that time when a neighbor named Jordani was returning to the country. We knew each other as children, but seeing her again her lush beauty overwhelmed me, the only thing that hadn't changed was her belief in god.
I should have been more insistent with her that night we were alone in her apartment. I don't know how obvious the signs were, or she was just afraid. We danced merengue so tightly that our bodies were perfectly synchronized, to a level of nirvana that I was surprised how she was still reluctant. She had her boyfriend, but she didn't want to be unfaithful to him, even though she wanted to leave him. Jordani told me that she would always like me, but she put her fidelity first and I was a fool to respect her. A little more convincing that I would be for her and things would be different.
Weeks later she left the country again and broke up with her boyfriend. Maybe I was with her in a serious relationship, in another country or we would still be in ours, but becoming a Christian.
Parallel worlds attract me, not only because of those remote possibilities of discarded opportunities with women but professionally. I was thinking about women, because lately, I wanted to have children and a family, for God's sake! I'm at the age. I see my friends or former colleagues with their own families.
I am still waiting to emerge. I know that after waking up from my fantasy I would realize that it's not my time yet, that it would come.
Soon I would be ready to have a steady partner. However, it made me whimsical to contemplate the changes my decisions might have on my others - me. To see as a historian where I had been able to get to. Whether I had children or remained single, whether my experience changed them radically or whether they remained me.
A single decision changes many things. Today I could tell myself that I should stop fantasizing and make the decisions I am afraid to make. I could face that reality, I could build my reality instead of thinking about others - me. Even now that I have this thought I question my fantasy. I imagine one me getting out of bed ready to change his life and another still submerged in thought.
Cover and Banner made in Canva, Image taken from Canva, Dividers made in Photoshop.