I woke up scared, very cold and in a lot of pain, but thankful that I was able to open my eyes. I thought I was going to die in that operating room, hearing the doctor shouting in the distance "breathe, please breathe", that told me that things were not going well for me.
Before I tell you how I got to that operating room let me introduce myself, my name is Lorena, I was just a simple girl who had just graduated, I had goals and many dreams to fulfill, the world would finally know my potential. I already had my dream job, I was going to learn in the best hospital in my city, I would be surrounded by the best professionals, I aspired one day to become like them.
Image in pixabay by catarojash
I had already spent a full month in my new job, they were exhausting days, but my hunger to learn made it all worth it. Just that day, I started to feel very sick, I felt very weak and my belly was very big, it was not normal at all. I thought it might be my period, but after three days of pain, nausea and weakness I realized that something was wrong with me.
They say that people who work in the health area are cowards when we get sick, but in reality I think we know so much about the human body that we imagine it could be without any kind of studies, unfortunately we almost always choose to diagnose ourselves with the worst disease we have studied according to the part that hurts us.
I decided to have tests to see what I really had, I would like to tell you that there was nothing wrong with me, it was just something with the hormones and that was it, but unfortunately if there was something, it was a tumor, its scientific name is Cystic Teratoma, in my case I had it in the left ovary. I needed emergency surgery because it was in a position that did not allow blood flow to the ovary and this caused a very strong pain, accompanied by vomiting.
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I wanted to escape from that situation, I could not believe that my life was hanging by a thread, I wanted to wake up from that nightmare but sometimes life is not that simple. I was given indications that the next morning I would have to undergo surgery, they had to do it carefully because the tumor could be malignant. Despite the fear I accepted the recommendations and tried to be positive, that event would not put an end to my dreams.
That morning fear took hold of me, it seems that the same fear made the anesthesia not take effect, I felt every cut, every needle and every contact with my skin as the worst pain I have ever felt, until I fainted. I no longer felt anything and everything around me was darkness, there alone in that place it seemed that I did not suffer, but little by little I was losing my strength. In the distance I heard the doctor shouting "breathe, please breathe" there I understood that I was dying, I understood that I had to escape from death and I took out all my remaining strength to breathe again.
When I woke up I felt very scared remembering what could have happened to me, I felt cold and also pain that was a sign that I was alive. The hours passed and once I was recovered, the doctor informed me of my condition and the steps I had to follow. Although after a few days the results showed that the tumor was not malignant, the whole experience left a negative mark on me. I stopped smiling, I was afraid to sleep and I was visited by many negative thoughts frequently, the saddest thing of all was that I wanted to put aside my dreams.
Image in pixabay by MariaD42530
I could no longer have the children I always dreamed of, my life became sad, I didn't have the strength to fight for my job. My mind was hurting me, I needed to escape again but this time it was from my dark thoughts, those that were taking away my will to live. It was the moment I decided to take the reins of my life and redirect it that everything started to improve, every bad thought I attacked it with a goal to achieve, so little by little my mind stopped being a problem.
In the end everything went well, it has been 15 years since August 15, 2008, the day I managed to escape death, I say the date without fear. And I am happy to tell you that after so many years my biggest dream came true, science will never know how but the son I was never going to be able to have just turned 2 years old and he is my reason to keep fighting for my dreams.
