I was indifferent about how she controlled everything around her, It was as though everyone must bow to her will. I needed to understand how she did it, it seemed like voodoo as I watched her tell everyone what to do, when, and how to do things. I felt it had lingered too much, and it would be suitable for someone to stand up to her. It went on for days, which turned into weeks and then months.
Her influence was becoming more annoying to me when I saw her scold her mum right before my eyes. I needed her to understand respect could be given and taken. When she spoke to my dad she spoke with all vigor and authority, as though she had something on him. He would say "OK" to her request and complain without objecting or at least give an alternate opinion.
When I got home the other day, I found out my dad did when she was expressing a different viewpoint for what she believed to be incorrect. I should be happy right, But this was coming after I had a heated argument with her over not coming home at her wish. Not because I had anything important to do at school, but because it was coming from her, and I didn't want to feel controlled again.
The news of what my dad had done was supposed to calm me down seeing how I had seen her as a control freak for the last six months. Just like me, my dad was feeling abused doing whatever his wife said. This time he wanted to collect a loan for his business and use the house as collateral which Mum did not agree to suggesting a more preferred approach of Selling one of the gas stations and using the money from sales to manage the remaining two.
Dad hell-bent on doing his wish had been on her case at every chance he got. The harsh words I told her in trying to make her understand I was old enough to take care of myself and make my own decisions shunned her off completely, and I came back meeting her a shadow of herself. My sister and the little kids were her only companions who could do so little. They were just children who only saw the pains their mother was going through.
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I stood there while she looked at me with her sad face and smiled welcome, thank God you finally decided to return. Right there I felt her words hit me in the heart like a dagger, I felt anger, regret, and shame at the same time. I wanted to hug her at least, but I knew deep down that even though she did not sustain any physical injury, the injuries my words made were deeper than those on her face.
Saying sorry wasn’t enough, I was angry with my dad for his actions, and at the same time regretted listening to my friends because I wasn’t just coming from school, but from trouble as well. There was no way I could speak about how I broke an expensive laptop screen while playing with my mischievous friends. I had to scratch everything on me to get it working before I came home and my dad found out. I was ashamed of myself the most because I only saw her as a control freak and not as a mother calling for her son to save her.
At that point, I understood that she had more influence on me than I thought, I knew apologizing would not change or fix anything, but I apologized anyway. I was trying to find the best way and at the same time, the best voice to say I am sorry, but I couldn’t find the words for any as the words slipped out of my voice trembling so bad I could barely hear myself. I knew she heard but refused to say anything, so I said the words again, this time louder but trembling still.
Sorry for what exactly? You also think I am a control freak right? Because I wanted you to choose the gift I was getting you for your birthday you called me a nosy mother. What did I do to you and your father to deserve such treatment? Now your father has taken the loan he finally realized those who gave him the loan only wanted the house, Where is the money he was given, It is nowhere to be found and very soon the new owners will come and evict us
At this point, I wished I could turn back the hands of time and at least amend my part just so I could ease the pain in her heart, but I couldn’t. I had become the very thing I vowed not to be, I had taken her protective love for an outrageous influence, I had taken her cautions of love for being too nosy, and saw what happens when we decide to disregard her influence.
THIS IS MY ENTRY INTO THE INK WELL CREATIVE NON FICTION PROMPT INFLUENCE
