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It was an experience I will never forget and it happened some ten years ago.
I had a friend (we are still friends anyway, named Emmanuel, an exceptional fellow). Our friendship was forged far back in 2013. Actually he lived close by and we attended the same church, but before that time we weren't acquaintanted to each other.
Once we became friends I discovered how awesome, and a good person he was. In his presence it was impossible not to be merry, he was such a jovial, warm-hearted and fun person to be with, and it didn't take long after becoming friends to start spending hours in lengthy discussions. The discussions were enlivening, entertaining and enlightening. We would go back and forth on different subjects including the ones happening in the neighborhood, city, country, continent and the world, talking about politics, finance, academics, science and technology, all punctuated by fits of hearty laughter.
But then as time went on I discovered something about our friendship. Oftentimes, we disagreed on various issues and the disagreement often degenerated into loud, arguments. Well, as a matter of fact, I won most of these arguments, being more apt in that area. The disagreements and the loud talking continued.
But soon I discovered something to my horror. The more the atmosphere of disagreement fostered around us, the far apart we went from each other, and our friendship was close to hitting the rocks. But I paid no heed, for one thing about me is that I never like to be the defeated party in any argument, and so I kept winning and I kept destroying the friendly link between us.
I had read somewhere where a writer whose name I may have forgotten, but I think it's Dale Carnegie, said that the more arguments you win the fewer friends you have. I didn't pay any heed to that piece of psychological philosophy, I did anyway, but almost when it was too late.
The friendship between this my friend and I (my best friend, infact, because there is none of my friends with whom I am so close), was so good that I was like a family friend to his family. I was closely acquaintanced to them especially his Dad and Mum, sometimes when I visit, I would spend hours in hearty conversation with his dad and mum, and discussions with his dad was so good and educative, he has a lot of knowledge and an extraordinary proficiency in maths and the sciences.
When I realized the effects of our arguments on our friendship, I began trying to adjust to the situation. I now started deliberately losing arguments to him, or I carefully avoided anything that would stir an argument up. The more I did this the more our friendship was resolidified.
I remember one time during the 2018 FIFA World cup, I had visited his house and then we fell into the trap of a heated argument. I wisely let him win in that, we were about 5 persons discussing in the living room that time.
At the present time, we are still very good and close friends, and let me say that I have benefited a lot from our friendship, it's worth more than a million dollars to me. Presently we sit for hours, discussing or doing anything fun and educative or life-changing.
As we spend time together in discussion I carefully try to avoid any thing on which both of us would disagree, and if by any means we are gotten by the argument trap, I will smartly stop our conversation from flowing to that.
This has changed my social life a lot, for I was a person fond of arguments. And I hurt a lot of my friends and family members the way I argued, and people have always pointed that out in me as a bad trait which I need to change.
It's a mistake I made that nearly diatabilized my relationship with those close to me, for I found our that once arguments entered my discussion with any person, then nothing productive comes from that discussion anymore and we are bound to keep away from each other for some time after that, with the friend feeling hurt and slighted.
But not anymore. My frienship with my best friend taught me a huge life lesson about relationships for which I'm grateful. And I'm glad I realized my mistake of my occasional heated disagreement with people in discussions which helped preserve the friendship between this my friend and numerous other friends, loved ones and family members.
Thanks for reading.