❝Death accompanies me step by step to take me at last and recreate life, then, I walk towards nothingness.... I am a walker who by always leaving, always returns, because everything is circular and the sun knows that like no one else.❞
Facundo Cabral
I don't have suicidal ideas, but I can't deny that death is attractive to me, cold and dark, that's how a part of me perceives it, but attractive.
But what if it were not as dark as I sometimes feel? What if it were a magical world? better than the world I have seen? What if instead of darkness it was light?
Maybe I will know when I die, maybe not. I believe that I would continue "existing", as infinite I feel, as the universe, but I believe that when we return, or transcend, our memories are reset, that's why we can't remember the origin, much less the end, if there is one.
Even so, it would not be pleasant to find out that I have 12 months to live, I think I would go into shock and I would stare at the ceiling for a whole day without wanting to see anyone or talk to anyone, well that of not wanting to see anyone or talk to anyone is quite common in me, although I have no idea when I'm going to die.
Now, if I were told that I have 12 months to live, it would be something like this, more or less:
If a preacher or witchdoctor tells me, I'd laugh my head off.
If a doctor told me, I would doubt it.
If a cat tells me, I'm definitely dead.
If someone predicts my death and I really believe it and I still have vitality to fend for myself, first I would like to arrange everything related to my funeral services, pay the related expenses and that kind of things, I would not want to leave anyone with that responsibility and less with the economic situation so difficult in my country, Venezuela.
For a moment I thought about going to die in the mountains but I would not want to be a soul in pain, that subject of death is not easy, she is so mysterious.
Knowing that I will die soon, I would go every week to the mountains, I would bathe with the water from the springs and soak my feet in the rivers while caressing the rocks with my fingers.
I would go to the beach every week, and contemplate the dawn, bathe my body with the salty waters and let me caress it with the morning rays of the sun and then patiently wait for its sunset, just in contemplation.
I would hug many trees and ask them to give me courage, I would plant a few of them and walk barefoot on the earth more often.
I would frequent places I don't normally frequent looking for a trail of a love to plant a passionate kiss on her neck and lips.
I would visit my mother much more often, I would take her hands and gently run them across my face.
I would get drunk on beer some nights, not to the point of losing consciousness but to the point of relaxing and laughing at goofing off more than usual.
I don't dream of leaving a legacy, not even descendants, sometimes I feel that my soul is what they call an old soul. Simplicity, connection with nature, with my purest self and its true essence are the things in life that interest me the most.
This writing is inspired by 
Photography from my personal gallery
