[W.E- 114]:I don’t understand people who...

Hey guys I’d like to engage in this weeks concept by @galenkp . I have also opted for the fourth (4th) option:

”Finish the sentence (option two)
Below is the beginning of a sentence which you need to finish. Explain what the thing is and why you answered as you did.
"I don't understand people who..."

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I try my best not to be a judgmental person and try to stay out of people’s business too but sometimes I just can’t help it.

1) I don’t understand people who cheat in relationships/marriages

2) I don’t understand people who stay in abusive relationships

As regards cheating, I’ve researched about it ,I’ve asked so many people why and they’ve given me a handful of reasons but I can’t help but see them as ‘flimsy excuses’ nothing more, nothing less.
To me cheating is an insult, a slap to the face, a break of trust and what my country people (Nigerians) would refer to as “see finish”.

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Here are some of the reasons they gave why people cheat;

  • Out of anger or revenge; some partners cheat because they have no way of expressing their anger while some others do it as an act of revenge because their partner cheated as well. “They hurt me so I’ll hurt them”.

What I think:

There are other ways to express anger or take revenge without having to cheat 🙂. Like I said earlier this is not a good enough reason.

  • Falling out of love: Sometimes your feelings start to fade and then you’d realize that all that glitters isn’t gold. You don’t get that rush of dopamine anymore. Or maybe you realize you’re in love with someone else.

What I think:

If you’re in love with someone else, the best thing you can do for your partner is to let him or her know how you feel about the other person instead of just stringing the other person along. If you’ve fallen out of love with the person generally or you think that feeling of ‘love’ is no longer there then tell the person. Most times when dating someone or getting married to someone have it at the back of your mind that that feeling of love won’t always be there. Love isn’t enough. What other qualities or traits does that person possess?

  • Situational factors and opportunities: Some say they cheat because of the situation at hand for example it’s a long distance relationship and you’re dealing with a few issues and then someone who is attracted to you uses that as opportunity and becomes a ‘shoulder to lean on’.

What I think

A long distance relationship doesn’t mean you can’t talk to your partner about your issues even though it may be stressful sometimes. And everyone always has an opportunity to cheat, that’s why it’s your duty to avoid being in such situations and even if you get into one, what’s stopping you from saying “NO!”.

  • Commitment issues: People who have issues with commitment usually cheat and some people have different definitions of the term ‘Commitment’.

What I think:

If you have commitment issues why get into a relationship in the first place? And if you and your partner have different definitions of that term you guys should’ve had a discussion about this prior to the relationship. Would you guys be exclusive? Is it an open relationship?

  • Unmet needs: These are mostly sexual. Either they both have different sex drives, one doesn’t have interest in sex, one partner is usually away from home.

What I think:

If you feel like sex isn’t working out for you then you might as well leave. This must have been after you guys have tried to compromise for each other(trying out what the other person likes sexually). Sex is an important part or aspect of most relationships.

Now over to those who stay in abusive relationships. Here are some of the common reasons:

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  • Their kids: Most people can’t leave such situations because they’re thinking of their kids and not wanting them to grow up in an abusive home but the truth of the matter is that if you actually love your kids you’d want to stay alive for them and be mentally sound. Kids watching their parents being abused leaves bad memories indented in their minds. Some may see it as a normal thing and grow up to become abusers.

  • Fear of what others say and how they’ll react: Some people feel embarrassed admitting that their partners abuse them probably to avoid pity , being gossiped about or looked down on. One thing people should know is that people will always talk whether it’s a good or bad situation and if you die from staying in such an unhealthy environment they would still talk.

  • Low self esteem: Abuse damages your self-esteem, it makes you feel like you’re damaged and there’s no way you could start your life all over after everything you’ve been through. Some feel like their self worth is damaged. The only advice I can give is that once there’s life, there’s hope.

  • They believe they can change the person: My dear that would be very hard to do, it’s hard for the abused to change the abuser. He/she needs professional help. If he didn’t change throughout his lifetime, you think he can magically change overnight because you said so?. Things aren’t so easy!

  • Cycle of Abuse; After the abuse happens, the honeymoon make up phase follows suit. After the abuse comes, the partner would do something nice as an apology and promises not to do it again making their partner look down or weigh down what they did. And then the cycle continues again!

  • For some it’s simply very dangerous to leave. Some partners end up being psychopaths and end up threatening them after leaving.
    But I know there will always be a way out, you go to the police and state your complaint and look for the best option to secure yourself.

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