It just dawn on me that growing up as a person, you cannot allow life to just randomly shape you.
I lived life going along with the flow too much, I just let life shape me however it wants to, and now I'm ending up with regrets.
Since young, I grow up the same as any other kids out there, the only difference is that I've suffered countless downsides in life that not many other kids would have to go through. I've been moving from home to home out because of financial problems, even to the point of being in years worth of school fees debt.
Even though I've tried fighting hard, working more odds jobs than even kids playing at my age. Saving up and went on to help with easing up my domestic problems.
I didn't even realize that as I was working hard and getting stronger, my personality took a 180 degrees turn. I started to become more aggressive and hot-tempered towards things in life. I then go on to vent my anger on my friends sometimes when they provoked me instead of just keeping smiling like I always was in the past.
I was a total *sshole back then, people hated and refrained from getting close to me. I became a bully and picked on friends often (I don't bully innocent friends, only those who've provoked me). It wasn't for fun or satisfactory, just that I felt that life is unfair to have me work so hard at that age while others are playing and fooling around having fun. This personality of mine stuck with me as I grew, changing me into a guy who doesn't care about others' opinions, only believes in myself, and only decides based on my own analysis without caring for another's feelings.
All of this started pointing to one thing that I just realized after having a partner, that I'm just a selfish bastard who doesn't care for anyone other than myself.
I've quarreled with my partner countless times because of my selfishness, I never thought of her feelings when I open my mouth, I decided things on my own without consulting her even though she was always there for me. I guessed it was because I was always fighting alone as a child, I relied on myself, I fight only for myself, do everything myself, and go everywhere by myself.
I'll conclude everything below
I've then reflected on myself and my past wrongs. I realized the reason for my change of personality was that I fought blindly. I was working and fighting hard because of the pain and humiliation I suffered, and hatred started accumulating inside. I didn't think of the positive side of things when I decided I'll change my life, only negative things filled my train of thoughts.
As I was growing up, what I lacked was discipline, positivity, the right mindset, and passion. The only thing pushing me on was pain and suffering instead of passion and positivity.
This is the result of allowing life to shape and push you randomly, the result of accepting whatever life throws at you and just fighting back blindly.
The right way to fight back is to accept whatever you're thrown at, transform all pain, sufferings, and humiliations into positivity and passion, thus changing your mindset. Then set your path right start changing your life once again with the right method.
I've put up with bullshits like, your past life shaped you into the way you are. I was like, "Yeah, right?!". Sometimes life shapes people into criminals, rapists, introverted keyboard warriors, or psycho mass murderers. Who is to take the blame for that?
It's a must to have a "positive mindset", but don't get drowned in a "positive mindset".
Remember to look at things from multiple perspectives, don't think of everything too simply, only by knowing oneself well, will we be able to grow well and healthy.
Feel free to comment or criticize, I'll accept it with grace.
- This is just my personal view on life, not a piece of advice or lesson. If it does benefit you somehow, then I'm happy for you in advance.
Thanks for reading, and goodbye! :D