Greetings everyone!
What a crazy week! I got yet another project, this one a managed one, so I will be having admin looking over my shoulder while I write. What fun. I am still a little behind in catching up on my work writing, but the weekend is here, so I intend to catch up as much as I can.
As for where Fell Dragon is going, finally getting to a point where I can write about Saita and Bolx discussing his time more openly. However, it's taking a lot of time to get to the points I want to. Doesn't help that I have too much work on my plate.
Anyway, today's update is massive as Saita finally reads the letter that Karesh left for her. There was no real way to break this update into sections, so enjoy another large update.
Saita found herself staring out the window at the rain. She had woken from her interaction with Edzeeker screaming in frustration. The nurses, believing she wasn’t fully ready to be weaned from the pain meds she was on, had increased the dosage. She didn’t tell them or Sash about what had happened. Now, four days later, she was sitting in the hospital bed bouncing the unread letter once more in her lap. Her mind was flooded with everything that was happening and she didn’t know where to start with the unpacking.
She dragged her eyes from the window back to the letter. Pura had removed it from its envelope, but she still didn’t have the heart to read it. Every time she started to fold it open, her heart started fluttering in her chest, and nausea swamped her. She let the letter fall to her lap before setting her left arm behind her head as she leaned back.
Queen. The word made her shudder. Pura had named her heir, she had no idea if it was official yet, but the thought terrified her. She had almost been a regicide, and her actions still had far-reaching consequences for her father’s health.
The Fell Dragon. Those who came to visit her had not bothered to hide their thoughts. She knew that the creature was beatable. However, once it was defeated the title would be given to the one who beat it. Then what? What would happen to the destructive force? Would it be caged again?
Would I be caged in its place?
The thought came so suddenly that her breath caught in her throat. Would she become the next Fell Dragon? And if so, what would happen? For so long she was sure her future was to end in a handful of years, but with the gift Jethron had bestowed upon her, she had something to look forward to. A future, not a very bright one, but a future.
A smile crept across her face. She had a future. She had a family once more. People who wanted her again. Then, just as quick as the smile had come, it slid from her face. History often repeated itself and how long would it take before she was abandoned again?
She rolled her head to look at the lighting flashing across the sky outside. It sounded cliché, but it mirrored the turmoil she had going on inside of her. She would be queen in the future, but for now, she had to focus on learning how to use what was forced upon her. She had to learn to be a mother. She had to learn to belong again. And she needed to build up her courage.
She looked at the letter in her lap. This needed to be overcome. She needed to make peace with her father.
And Edzeeker?
The voice startled her so much, her muscled pulled tight and pain flared throughout her body. The nurse who happened to be in the room at the time raised an eyebrow.
“Are you okay?”
“I think I was starting to nod off.” She lied.
The nurse looked at her watch and nodded her head. “It is getting late.”
Then she stepped from the room.
Am I disturbing?
“I’m still not used to you,” Saita whispered under her breath.
She could feel the presence of Sedeath in her mind. It wasn’t much, but now that she was aware of him, it was going to irritate her until he left. She could almost feel him pacing through the corridors of her mind. He clearly wanted an answer to his previous question.
“Never.” She muttered.
Sedeath acknowledged this but seemed to hang around. Saita was sure he wanted to say something more to her. She sighed heavily, wishing supper would arrive, so she could be distracted with something else.
“What do you want?”
You need to come with us. Soon Edzeeker will be taken back to our home world. I believe that you should come with us. Deal with that before you train with the Saith.
Saita rolled her eyes and then settled back to look at the storm once more. It seemed to be getting worse.
Well?
“I spent four years being ripped apart while Edzeeker whispered in my ear.” She muttered. “I can’t close my eyes without hearing his voice echoing old messages. I can’t.”
You must.
“Well luckily for me, you have no say over me, and soon even you will fade from my mind.”
This may be your last chance. He will be executed.
“You sound so sure.”
Jethron has made his mind up already.
“Well good for him. I am not going.”
Stubborn, just like the Saith Queen. I got through to her and I will get through to you.
“You are Dekai.” Spat Saita under her breath.
With that Sedeath’s presence disappeared and Saita was left alone with her thoughts and the growing hunger in her belly. Feeling hungry every couple of hours was something she was no longer used to. It was made worse by the fact she was unable to get her own food and was forced to wait to be catered for.
Grumbling, she sat forward to reach for the sling which kept her foot elevated. Nothing would please her more than to rip the sling away, but a painful jar to the series of metal pieces extending from her leg reminded her of the seriousness of her injury. She fell back onto the bed with a frustrated sigh.
Now that she had run out of reasons to avoid the letter, she picked it up from where it had fallen from her side and held it in her left hand. She flicked her eyes over the letter toward the door, hoping that someone would enter the room, distracting her from what she needed to do. But no one came. She took a deep breath, held it, once more wished for a distraction, and then resigned herself to finally unfolding the letter. The writing hadn’t been scribbled in haste. Great care had been taken to write it and the hand had been steady.
Saita
While I have the courage and ability to write this, let me start. What I did, things you will hear about in due time, started because I lost you. I was desperate to find you. I wanted to be the one you could rely on to be your saviour. Yet, as the days passed, I soon realised I was using you as an excuse.
When you came into our lives, a child of mystery, we took a gamble. We knew there were monsters hunting you, but we were willing to risk it. We owed it to you. And somewhere along the line, I forgot that. I was a weak man. I fell to the winged monstrosity and then I fell to power. I used my grief and the grief of those around me to get what I thought I wanted. I thought if I were king, I would have the resources to do what I needed to find you.
But time moved on. I had to move on to be strong to the rest of the family. I had a son and wife who were in mourning, suffering from a trauma I couldn’t understand. Time travel? A dark future. No, I had to stop that from happening. And what did that get me? Probably a darker future than the one that scarred my friend and family.
Honestly, you never stood a chance. You were cornered. You felt you had to protect what was left of your family. If I had been better perhaps I would have…no, it is in the past. I cannot think that me being there would have made any difference. In fact, it is likely that more of us would have died.
But I have gone off on a tangent. I died. It didn’t hurt. I saw Natus as a grown man in the beyond. He was surprised to see me. He thought I would live till an old man but there I was. He realised something was wrong and told me timelines are not so easily affected and that I shouldn’t be there. I didn’t care to listen to his words. My son was before me and for a moment I was happy I was dead. Natus said my death was wrong and would be corrected. However, before that, he warned me of the power of the crown and its dangers. I refused to listen. Then I was snatched back by the Heavenly.
Saita, they knew this was coming and they did nothing to stop it. Told me I had four years to find you. I threw everything at trying to find you. But time moved on and I was losing hope. The twins were born, and I just had eyes for finding you. I, no one else, decided to war against the Kai. They had to have the answers, I was so sure. So sure…
Somewhere along the lines, things started to blur. Was I hunting for you? Was I trying to get strong for what was coming? I became power-hungry. I forgot about you. I am not proud of that, but I admit it. I forgot about the daughter I chose.
That was the end of the first page and Saita struggled to separate it from the next page. Her heart was in her throat. Her father was laying his soul bare to her.
I argued with myself. I had a son to replace Natus and I also had a blood daughter. Was there a reason to continue searching for someone who was possibly dead? I turned my efforts to get to the Kai. If I couldn’t have you, I would at least get answers.
Their resistance was nothing, they didn’t want to fight, and I didn’t give them time to talk. Then the Saith descended upon us, and I realised that we humans were sadly the lightweights of the universe. I didn’t care. The power was right there, if only I had the willpower to reach for it.
I am not trying to make excuses for what I did. I was well aware of what I was doing when I attacked that colony. I knew the Queen’s brother lived there and I wanted to send a message. Humans deserved to have some of the power in the universe! It thrilled me as they never saw it coming. It was war, after all, people die. The Saith knew not to mess with us. They realised that we were not small fry. Yet they continued to shield their allies. I wanted to make a push, but we just didn’t have the power.
Then Myla told me you had been found. More than four years had passed. I had forgotten. But you were alive and so much more than just that. You were complete. You were perfect. You were exactly what I needed for this war. I needed you to want revenge on the Kai for what they had done to you. I needed your power to help me win this war. A war I had started on information which was long proven false.
You had every right to yell at me as you had. You had more of a backbone than anyone else on my council. You should have taken the opportunity I gave you that day to attack me. I saw in your eyes that you wanted to, but you restrained yourself. Better than what I had. I…I said cruel things to you. Tried to make you see how much I hurt, but instead, I think I severed my link to you.
You made me so angry. I couldn’t understand, no, wouldn’t understand. I gave no thought to what you had had to endure during those years. I didn’t care. I wanted to win the war of my own making. And by doing so, I pushed you away when I needed you to be the one level-headed person.
I know now what was done to you. It had been shown to me. It must have been torture. You must have longed for death but were never granted it. I can’t even imagine your cries of agony as your body was ripped apart and sewn back together. How many nights did you cry out for me to help you, to find you? How many hours while that monster rooted around in your guts did you pray for me to save you? For anyone to save you.
The next section was starting to show the emotions of the old king. It was sloppy, and several sections were scratched out to the point that Saita couldn’t decipher what it originally said.
You needed us and I wasn’t there. I forgot about you but started a war in your name. Even as we screamed back and forth at each other, all I wanted to do was to hold you. But I needed to be strong. I needed to be king. And as King, I needed you to bow.
I knew you wouldn’t after that conversation. Those four years had made you far stronger than the war against the lizards. If you couldn’t be made to bow, I was going to break you. That was when I started having Myla’s communications monitored. I knew she was going to slip up and lose sight of you. That was when I would make my move. You were going to help me, whether you wanted to or not. I needed a weapon, and you were now it. I used your name to threaten the Saith.
Saita, I was wrong. For the first time in years, I can think clearly without a red haze descending on me. I never would have killed Myla. I need you to believe me when I say that. I was waiting for you to come to me. I wanted to force your hand, the rebels’ hands. I never would have killed my wife. But somewhere along the lines, that plan blurred too. I went too far. I not only threatened her, but I threatened your son. Your firstborn.
When I heard about your son, I didn’t even consider where he had come from. I saw him as a means to an end. The hook which would catch you. And even if our deciding fight resulted in your death, I would have one like you. My own grandson was but a pawn in our game. I threaten Myla and you with those words.
Your eyes when I said that. You were angry with me when we fought before. Now? That wasn’t anger. That was hate. I saw that hate and all I could think was there it is. The monster who was created. I didn’t see you as human. I didn’t see you as my daughter. I saw you as a tool.
Yet, as we fought, the hate and anger died in your eyes. You were desperate to get me to listen to you. You didn’t want to hurt me. I was angry. I wanted that monster. I wanted the creature that had been made into a perfect weapon. But before me was a terrified child who just wanted their father to hold them as when they were little. You needed me to tell you everything was going to be okay, and I just couldn’t.
I never should have threatened your son. I never should have brought him into our fight. Had I left well enough alone…No, what is done is done. This letter is my penance for what I did. You could have become a regicide that day. You almost did. I thought...I don’t know what I thought. But when that kick landed, I knew the result was death. You had positioned our fight so that my back was toward the stone steps. One wrong fall and one cracked skull were all it would have taken. Yet in the end, you didn’t have the heart to go through with it.
The blow wasn’t as powerful as what you first intended; I think. It is the only reason I didn’t die. I don’t remember much after that. I woke weeks later, unable to say anything due to what the doctors had to do to keep me alive after breaking my neck and back. Myla and Aleux were at my bedside. They weren’t angry, though they had every right to be.
Myla explained that the war was now over, and I should rest. I wanted to know who was on the throne. Why was I alive? What was going on? It didn’t take long for Pura to come see me. Despite what I did to him and his father, he was polite and explained what was happening. He was king once more, but the title Myla and I had were now dissolved due to the words I and you had echoed in the throne room. You had returned the throne to him. I was angry but there was nothing I could do. I was no longer king.
Then Aleux told me about what had happened to you. Myla left the room and Pura couldn’t look me in the face. He had gone through with what I had threatened you with. You were gone, forever, and this time, I was the one to blame. Pura would allow me to live in the castle, but I would be under watch for the rest of my natural life. Not really imprisoned but it was close enough.
I was so angry. Who did he think he was? Then Aleux tore into me. I lost my son that day too. Everything that had been on everyone’s mind since you were found, he echoed. He had had no idea and had returned only when he heard about our fight. Then he discovered what you had been through. Unable to move and no one to stop him, he made me watch everything that was done to you. Every single recording, read all the reports. I couldn’t escape, I lived what was done to you. And once he was done, he threw down everything and walked out of my life.
Instead of bringing my family together, I splintered it. My son was gone. My daughter was gone. My toddlers had no idea who I was. My best friend didn’t have the stomach to come to see me. My world crumbled around me as my body healed. My voice, I never allowed to be returned to me. I used words, words I gave you, to destroy everything.
Now, my movements have been returned to me, and I can once more use my abilities but my voice and my words are gone, like my family. Pura warned me from going after you and so I sat, in silence, every day. I didn’t want to be here anymore. The only reason I didn’t throw myself from the tallest point of the castle was that I somehow still had my wife and two of my four children.
And so, I use the written word to let you know how I feel. I don’t know if this is just an exercise in futility writing to you, but I know that I must lighten my soul. If this letter ever manages to reach you, know that I started looking for you, but I lost my way. Forgive a stubborn man for what he did. I am sorry that I wasn’t there when you felt you had to give up saving those who took you in. I am sorry you were forced to endure such hardships with no one to hold your hand. I’m sorry you lost so many of the joys surrounding having your first child. You would have been a wonderful mother.
Saita scanned the remainder of the letter with stinging eyes. Karesh continued to list everything he felt sorry about. It continued for several pages before he ended the letter by simply saying:
More than a year later all I can think about is sitting down with you for a conversation. I want to use my words, but until I see you face-to-face, I will remain silent. Let this be my true punishment until we meet once more. Whether in this life or the next. I never stopped loving you.
Saita then took her time to gather all the pages together before folding them and placing them on the table beside her. She once more stared out the window, wishing she were outside so that the rain could hide her tears.
Is this an opportunity for Saita to heal? Well that depends on her, now doesn't it?
Book 4
For those of you who have never heard of Fell Dragon you can find Book 1 here, Book 2 here and the start of Book 3 here. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I love discussing my books!
As the series continues, it will combine with another book series I wrote. To avoid confusion about what is happening, introductory chapters will be introduced separately so that you don't have to be lost. However, these chapters will contain spoilers. You can find these chapters here:
Races Explained
Banishment
Royal Guard
Saasha’s Direct Family
Saith Characters Recap
Human Characters Recap
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Part 17>>You are Here>>Part 19
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