He couldn't understand how I felt,
to him it was just a black belt ,
but to me it was an expression of how I felt .
Yes, it was dumb , but what's done is done, my feelings now linked to an object passed down from generation to generation,passed down from parent to child, from soldier to soldier , from hero to hero.
My great grandpa's father was a warrior who won many battles and earned the black belt in his time, so did my grandpa and then my father ,but now it's my turn and I feel like a fish dead in the water ,emotions are clouding my judgement and I feel like a failure even before I contest .
My mind with every passing second my mind tricks me into almost giving up, with it's words of negativity, and words of discouragement now living rent free in my head.
I know I can do it, I know I can win but I fear the weight of success , it could crush me if I'm not ready ,then again if I lose or bow to the words of negativity and discouragement ,I become a dishonour , a black sheep, or just another failure...
I know it's easy for you to call it just a belt ,
but that belt means more than a belt to me .
In the end it's not just a belt,
It's a heritage...
#freewriter,#zapfic 
