Hi, Hive friends, and welcome back to my blog! This Wednesday's walk became more meaningful than I expected.
When I heard my stomach grumble after an hour of conducting a webinar, I told myself, “Yep, I’m going out.”
What greeted me was the golden hour. It was breathtaking! Luckily, the café I picked had the best spot to witness the sunlight caressing the church, trees, the walking path, and concrete buildings.
The bits and pieces of the webinar came flooding back. I remembered my showcase of vulnerability – my words settling like a fallen leaf on a peaceful lake, creating crescendos of movement, waking up the sleeping waters.
Ako Muna: Self-Love and Relationships
The webinar was entitled "Me First: Self-Love and Relationships" in English. I aim to 1) explain our need to be with others, 2) discuss trends in self-love and relationships and 3) encourage the participants to focus on being loving than having love.
(edited in canva.com)
The participants were the college students of De La Salle Lipa, and the school’s Guidance Office organized it.
Here’s a quick glimpse at our discussion yesterday:
John Bradshaw (1999) wrote: “Of all purely human needs the need to love is … the most basic.… It is the humanizing need; beyond all others it makes us human.”
If it’s a basic human need, why is it hard to love and be loved?
One of the theories I discussed emphasized the way Filipinos love. Our history reflects how we used to thrive in indigenous communities and our expression of love is through connectedness, which is key to society’s survival.
As the Philippines evolved, when we speak of love, it usually means sacrifice and service, which can be explained after years of fighting for our freedom. “Ang mamatay ng dahil sayo,” (“to die for you”) like our national anthem said.
In our everyday lives, this translates to giving up the “ako” para sa “tayo” = “me” for “us” (i.e. Jeepney strike, labor unions in France, Mahsa Amini protests).
(My work set-up~)
We were taught to accommodate other people’s feelings over our own by embodying these Filipino values: pagiging mahiyain, pakikiramdam, pakikisama, at pakikiisa (being shy, feeling others, joining others, being one with others).
It comes from our cultural empathy, which shows our intuitive care for others.
However, we see an imbalance of love for others and the self in modern society. An overemphasis on positivity = toxic and unhelpful. Ibigay na natin ang lahat-lahat para lang sa ikakasaya ng iba. Our toxic Filipino narrative implies loving is losing yourself – to your parents, grandparents, siblings, classmates, partners, boyfriends, or girlfriends. This is the only way to show that you love them.
When in fact, to be loving is many things.
Post-webinar thoughts
Before DLSL’s invitation, it had been two months since I focused solely on resting and healing. And I didn’t want to admit it at first, but this webinar was a big deal for me. It was like a test of how much I learned about loving myself. On top of that, I will talk about it with other people, hoping to teach them a thing or two.
(Me just practicing the flow)
I couldn’t believe this opportunity came when I needed it the most. I stared back at the trees basking in the golden hour. I took a sip of my iced latte. I sighed in relief.
Do you know why? When you take on the task of healing, it doesn’t always feel rewarding. It won’t give you cookies for every negative thought you learned to accept and let go of. It won’t give you a prize for every breakdown you overcome.
But it will surprise you: There’s peace in your chest where storms used to crash.
Meanwhile, here are the comments from the DLSL Guidance Office team after the webinar:
- it felt very light, like I’m just there talking with them
- very powerful voice
- very intelligent
- like talking to a friend
- beautifully spoken, refreshing, new and inspiring
Work with me
Want to see The Wounded Healer in action? You may invite me as your resource speaker on mental health topics like self-love, well-being, and mental health issues. You may email me at ishthewoundedhealer@gmail.com or message me on my Facebook page.
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Thank you for reading 💜
Then I walked back home with more gratitude and lightness in my heart. How was your Wednesday?
ᴬˡˡ ᵖʰᵒᵗᵒˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ ᵘⁿˡᵉˢˢ ˢᵗᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳʷⁱˢᵉ