Sometimes, I tend to think about life a little too much, In the past few days, I've been withdrawn, away from the fun, away from people, away from things that I generally love doing. This is because I've found myself in a certain state where I've second-guessed every decision I've made.
While I've been unlucky in so many aspects of life, sometimes I try to balance it with the fact that I've made a decent life for myself irrespective of the ill-luck I've encountered so many times.
My life has been centered on balance, finding balance is the only way I hold on to my sanity in a world where people are desperate to hold on. Sometimes when I think about the state of my reality, it cripples my will to go on. So the only way I've coped or thrived is by having faith and making efforts to do the unthinkable.
But what do I deem to be the "unthinkable?"
This is going beyond boundaries or limits. Sometimes I hit mental obstacles as a result of my physical calculations, this results in constant fear that taking my body to its limit might cause me serious harm. But too many times I've realized that my fear is majorly a mental construct.
Everything I have come to achieve is a result of grace; the mental capacity to exceed my bodily limitations. This is my definition of "the unthinkable". However, I'm always realistic about the things I cannot do. I've accepted that I cannot do them, but this doesn't mean it doesn't hurt knowing I can't do them.
Sometimes I create a realistic balance between what's achievable and what's not. I know the limits of my strength, however, the only way I attain closure is by knowing that I do my best In all situations. The best is an illusion, we can only wish.
The Mental Fortitude To Process The Unthinkable
I try as much as possible not to explain my challenges to even the people who are closest to me. This is because I feel they don't have the mental fortitude to live in my world, and rightly so. Sometimes, our abilities to process information vary. It is not easy to expect people to accept things that might be difficult for them to process. Asking them to do so, is unfair.
This only confirms my fear that a lot of people claim to understand or have the capacity to envisage the biggest challenges in the human psychological anatomy, but then the limitation of people to envisage the worst or best situation in life is determined by their own experience and exposure.
So rather than keeping people in disdain, awe, or shock I try to live a superfluous life on the surface, whilst going through gnawing challenges. This isn't living a fake life, I'm trying to live or bask in the good side of life, anchoring to hope and lolling in the best moments of my life. Living in these bubbles helps me keep my sanity.
What are "the bubbles"?
This to me is living in denial. Sometimes I try to dismiss the issues and challenges in my life. This is because they're not synonymous with everyone you'd meet daily. So meeting and knowing people who cannot key into these realities has made me live my life as if these challenges aren't there.
Unless they become so evident even after all my efforts to hide them in plain sight. Living in a bubble is great. It's like being drunk and happy but the feeling of being sober comes back after that lengthy spell.
However, people tend to underestimate the power of being happy, without being weighed down by our subconsciousness reminding us of our failings and incapacities. Sometimes it's good to create an illusion of freedom and choice. This positivity helps us to compete and fight for the good things of life.
Appreciating The Balance
However, being constantly illusional can make one delusional. I've come a long way and deep down, I'm glad, I could have turned out way worse, and basking in this feeling of triumph is how I wake up every morning and energized despite the haunting thoughts that waded through me throughout the night.
However, I try to create a balance between my challenges and my victories. I need to constantly live on that edge to anchor myself to the most substantial things about reality. At this moment in my life, I'm beginning to seek clarity especially when the future seems hazy.
I have recognized what I truly want, but sometimes I tend to ask, what's the thin line between seeking what I desire and what I truly need? A time in my life has come when I truly seek stability, where I need clarity. I've been left to wonder if I should go seek what the heart truly desires, or what my life truly needs. It's a perpetual state of dilemma.
Interested in some more of my works?
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@Josediccus, your brother-in-pen & heart
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