I'm so glad you did speak about it. It is absolutely necessary to air these things out in a way that is helpful to oneself. Holding anything is never a healthy choice, from my experience.
What you've shared has given me a much rounded picture of you and increased my respect for you. We all have a monster inside ourselves. Some are not aware of it. Some ignore it. Some feed it until it devours them.
I've chosen to starve my monster for many years now. It's shrank and it no longer has control over me. If a situation arises where it pops up, well there are consequences I impose on myself, should it not adhere to the rules I've set for it long ago.
Quite a while ago, someone shared this story with me. It resonated deeply. I think you might also enjoy it. Two Wolves
RE: THREE WEEKS, TWO DAYS, AND ONE AGAINST MY WILL