Hello Hivers!
Writing about Day 4 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge by @tegoshei is the hardest topic because it is personal. The story of my relationship would require several chapters. I will try my best to focus on the present and sum up a brief history in the shortest form possible. I believe the whole unedited story of how we met is better told face to face over a meal.
I met @iamyohann during the era of snail mails, cassette recordings and modem internet. Remember the days when you had to dial up with a long code from your coin scratched pre-paid internet card and wait for the tone to connect? Then as soon as you are connected, your mother screams downstairs because she couldn’t use the home telephone. There were no apps and no video chats. The email was fairly new and overseas sms were expensive. To cut the long story short, we were in a long distance relationship that lasted for many many years until opportunity fell from the sky where I managed to live halfway across the world. He proposed, quit everything in Europe and flew to the Middle East where we lived together and got married two years later. We moved back to the Philippines in 2015 with our toddler in order for him to pursue his dream career and for our family to live a more laid back life in the countryside.
@iamyohann and I are complete opposites. We are two sides of a coin, yin and yang. I am 100% abstract feelings and he is all practical logic. He keeps me bound to the present, whereas I am always preoccupied with the future. He deals with the details of the mundane while I am enthralled by the big picture. Even though we have different ideas and ways of seeing things, we share the same idealism, inner values and high expectations of how things should always be. He is a man of tremendous patience who keeps me grounded and brings me back to earth. He is an adventurer who has encouraged me to face my fears.
After being married for 14 years, I daresay the backbone of every relationship are love, trust, respect and friendship.
I read an article that I very much agree with, that says “Marriage is similar to running a business.” It takes two to create a strategy in order to meet each other’s needs while supporting each other in taking calculated risks to make it happen.
Creating a strategy meant we bring our strengths and weaknesses to the table. In order to run the household effectively, we share tasks. We both have designated roles according to our strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes, we also need to make self-less decisions to make it work.
Communication and openness like in any business are key. Given our major differences, we don’t always see things eye to eye. Arguments and disagreements will normally arise. Compromises are drawn. Clearing the air to avoid resentments is necessary.
If there is emotional transparency, there is also financial transparency. Everything is agreed upon. We made mutual agreements prior to getting married even for the simplest things like, I am not allowed to own a karaoke player at home and we continuously make agreements to ensure there are clear boundaries.
Please don't get me wrong, we are far from perfect. We keep learning along the way.
In relationships, may it be family or a loved one, what I learned was to value the most mundane moments. The wedding was a lovely memory but it holds a tiny part of the whole picture. Watching TV next to each other, sharing a meal at home, laughing together at a stupid moment. These collective memories of seemingly small moments are the ones that are valuable. The ones that will give us joy and strength during the darkest times.
What I learned was not to take every moment for granted. Seize them. Tell them how much you love them. Do something regularly to make them happy.
Life is fleeting. There are no certainties in life. All we have is now.
Check out previous posts if you haven't read them yet and join us in the challenge:
Day 1/ Day 2 / Day 3