Morality and virtues are very good things and I'll go further to say necessary for human survival. If we were all heartless, selfish beings with no morals, we would not have made as much progress as we have as a species.
With that being said, there's a downside side to doing too much of a good thing.
We grow up being taught in our homes, in schools and at religious gatherings a lot about morality. To be kind to others, to be helpful, to be supportive and to be caring. We're taught sometimes to put others first. It looks and sounds heroic that you would sacrifice yourself for others. To give what you could use for yourself to others and to be reliable, always being available when someone needs you.
As you're reading, if this was the description of a person, you would consider the person to be a wonderful person. Who wouldn't love someone that would lay down everything for them, it does take love to do so, some deep strong love.
These are good values. The world can not work without kindness and support, and by the world I mean human beings.
The problem with such levels of virtue and morality is that sometimes, when we give too much, we forget about one important person, ourselves.
Let me give you this scenario. Let's just say you have a small cup of water. If you pour water into everyone else’s cup without refilling your own, at some point your cup will be empty. Sure everyone will be grateful to you, and assuming you were all stranded in an unknown place and that was the last cup of water, you've shown love and sacrifice.
The people you gave the water to will drink it and thank you for it. But when your own cup is empty, there's no water for you to drink and if someone else is thirsty you cannot share anymore to them.
A similar thing happens to the energy, love, and time of so many people. You spend all that energy on others, all that time for others and give every bit of love left in you. When you're through with that, your energy is depleted and you need that energy to do some things for yourself but there's no more energy.
You need time for your own self development but there's no time left since you used it all on others. Now if it brings value, profit and greater good, you'll probably earn something along the way. If it doesn't, let your free gestures be done in moderation. If you do it all for free for others and nothing is left, you'll be handicapped and you cannot guarantee they'll help you at that point.
And after that sacrifice, if they betray you or deny you, there's the temptation to start feeling cheated and resentful and your initial attempt in trying to sacrifice will be the reason you become a bitter human being.
Finding a balance between selflessness and self development is the point I'm trying to make.
Don't let anyone confuse you about the difference between selfishness and self development. If you want to be better at something, you'll have to give time and effort and attention to that thing, which means you won't give it to others.
Some will call you selfish when you pay to attention to your personal growth. Don't let them confuse you. It's not selfishness, it's self development and a better you can help the world better.
Saying yes to everyone does not always make you a good person, it can ruin you if the yes will lead you into some type of trouble.
Sometimes you being able to say no is also an act of love, love for yourself. When you take care of yourself first, you can take care of others better because you're better equipped.
If people need support and you're sick, fraustrated and emotionally unstable, you're not going to give them good help. But if you are healthy, at peace and happy, you can give genuine support to your family and friends.
You need to accept this, and it's a stage of maturity, not everyone deserves your time and energy. Some people take without giving back and I'm no saying only give to those that will give back to you. Be good to both yourself and others.
Set limits and set boundaries, it's not a bad thing, it's a good thing, it does not make you selfish, it makes you wise.
Care for people, but remember to care for yourself first because if you lose yourself, you lose everything. Don’t give away so much of yourself that nothing is left. Love others, but don’t forget that you also deserve your own love.
