When the word "selfish" appears in conversation, people often immediately think of someone as evil. The dictionary defines selfish as prioritizing self-interest above all else, but selfishness exists on a spectrum. On one extreme, it manifests as self-love so intense that one harms others to protect it. On the other, it simply means valuing yourself while still wishing others well.
Self-love isn't inherently bad. We must love ourselves before the world can love us in return. The problem arises when self-love crosses into selfishness—when we hoard resources while denying others their rightful share. I've witnessed this in my community, where the local leader accumulates all the good that flows to our society for himself and his family, keeping everyone in the dark until outsiders reveal what's happening.
Yet there's another extreme: people who sacrifice everything for others' happiness, only to find their generosity unappreciated and exploited. A female friend once denied herself basic comforts to support others, only to discover they'd saved money for luxuries while she worked tirelessly with nothing to show for years of effort. In such cases, learning to prioritize yourself isn't wrong—you deserve the good things everyone wants, and you shouldn't exhaust yourself trying to please ungrateful people.
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Balance is key. Too much selfishness leaves others depleted; too much self-sacrifice leaves you depleted. A healthy mix—some selfishness here, some generosity there—maintains fairness. Sometimes you need to be selfish to grow, especially when surrounded by people who won't appreciate your sacrifices. The goal isn't to eliminate selfishness entirely, but to find equilibrium.
While others see selfishness as evil, they forget the fact that self love is part of human nature. We are wired to love ourselves, that's why the Bible recommends that our love for others should be as we love ourselves. If we love ourselves less, it reflects on how we treat others and vice versa. Self love is important, desiring good for ourselves is advisable, the thin-line is whether or no harm is done in the process of expressing love to ourselves.
We can be selfish and still be human. By this I mean, we can love ourselves and love others equally too. If it was not possible, the Bible wouldn't have recommended it. Being selfish doesn't entirely make us bad, sometimes it means we value others and want the best for ourselves too. But like the example above of our community leader, greed comes in-between his love for himself and the people whose welfare rests on his shoulders.
