Si quieres saber de qué va esta iniciativa, pulsa este enlace
My dear friends @holos-lotus, I hope you are well today.
Here I am with this wonderful initiative as all the ones that produce in this community, in this opportunity of the hand of the beautiful @miriannalis that brings us a very nice topic as it is Being like children.
If you want to know what this proposal is about, click on this link
The little flower girl as a child
The little flower girl had three characteristics that I remember very fondly: She smiled even though she was missing her front teeth, she danced all kinds of dances (she was very good at it) and she was very, very studious.
I remember that as I was very kind and polite, I would always smile at people and they would say to me "she is missing her teeth" and that didn't affect me until I started to see that my teeth were growing very big, bigger than my facial anatomy and therefore, for many years afterwards, I had a complex. This made me withdrawn, insecure and I didn't understand why something facial was hiding the smile of my soul.
I remember that without teeth I was not a very graceful child, but if there was one thing I liked it was dancing; my musical hatred accompanied me to the beat of the melody, I learned the choreographies and I always won the competitions, a dancing star! I remember that I always stood out for that, but I wasn't the girl who had the first choice, I always had to make room for myself. One example was that they didn't ask me to dance but I had to dance alone so that they could detect my talent and that made things easier. This led me to be competitive and to understand that I had to exploit other talents because "I wouldn't get far just because I was pretty" 😋.
Yes, my little forehead as a child studied a lot, she loved to read, she loved spelling, the correct comma pauses, but imagine that this was also a problem! because sometimes I would stop doing my homework because I was reading all the time or it also happened that I wanted to read EVERYTHING and there were adult things that were not allowed for my age, so it was chaos because I "took them without permission". However, my love for reading never stopped until today I love the smell of a book and the pages I enjoy connecting with my inner child.
La florecita de niña
La niña florecita tenía tres características que las recuerdo con mucho cariño: Sonreía a pesar de que le faltaba sus dientes delanteros, bailaba de todo (lo hacía muy bien) y era muy, pero muy estudiosa.
Recuerdo que como era muy amable y educada, siempre sonreía a las personas y me decían "le faltan sus dientitos" y eso no me afectaba hasta que empecé a ver que mis dientes crecian muy grande, mas grande que mi anatomía facial y por ende, por muchos años depués estuve acomplejada. Esto me hizo retraída, insegura y no entendía porque algo facial ocultaba la sonrisa de mi alma.
Recuerdo que sin dientes no era una niña muy agraciada, pero si algo me gustaba era bailar; mi odio musical me acompañaba al compás de la melodía, me aprendía las coreografías y siempre ganaba los concursos ¡Una estrella del baile! Recuerdo que siempre destacaba por eso, pero no era la niña que tenía la primera opción, siempre tenía que hacerme lugar. Un ejemplo era que no me sacaban a bailar sino que tenía que bailar sola para que detectaran mi talento y allí la cosa se hacía más fácil. Esto me llevó a ser competitiva y a entender que tenia que explotar otros talentos porque "por bonita no llegaría lejos" 😋.
Eso sí, mi forecita de niña estudiaba mucho, le fascinaba leer, amaba la ortografía, las pausas en las comas correctas, pero imaginen ¡Que esto también era un problema! porque a veces dejaba de hacer mis encomiendas porque me la pasaba leyendo o también ocurría que quería leer TODO y habían cosas de adultos que no era permitido para mi edad entonces era todo un caos lo que pasaba por "tomarlas sin permiso". Igual, mi amor por la lectura nunca paró hasta la actualidad que amo el olor de un libro y las páginas me las disfruto conectando con esa niña interior.
The sad little flower
Speaking of being a child, I have mixed feelings, because I can't help but mention that I was a very limited child. As a child of divorced and somewhat older parents, and in addition to the fact that there were none of the teachings of today, I was raised by a grandmother, cousin and older brother. My grandmother was not at all the loving grandmothers we see in stories full of wisdom and love; my cousin was a sourpuss who was given the "power" to force me to eat liver onions until she vomited all over me and a frustrated brother who mirrored everything that was done to him by hitting and mistreating us.
I would like to say that these wounds bite because I now recognise the dysfunctionality of having children and then not having time for them.
This obviously led me to rebel, to have fights with my younger brother and to always live in confrontation; one of these examples is that I said no to everything, it was always bitterness and sadness. On my father's side, my stepmother's mistreatment led me to confront her many times to the point that my father was on the verge of divorce many times, but now that I am older I understand that it was only manipulation that only "grown-ups understand".
I never went for walks, my life was like that of a military man, there was no allowance money, I didn't even choose my clothes or what I wanted for Christmas, besides not having a room to have privacy as any person deserves.
Now I look at this little flower with sadness but maturity. I always thought that I wanted to live far away from home, to have my own things and I think that is one of the main reasons for my resistance to motherhood, because I don't want to repeat incorrect models that no child deserves to live. To restrict the things they want to do, to be brought up by others, to have obligations as children, to not have the freedom to play or develop as a child, I think it is a responsibility I must have both to say I want a child and to say I don't want one because I don't think I am in a position to make them loved, motivated, brought up as a child deserves to be.
La florecita triste
Hablando de ser como niña, tengo sentimientos encontrados, porque no puedo dejar de mencionar que fui una niña muy limitada. Hija de padres divorciados y algo mayores, aunado a que no existían las enseñanzas de ahora, fui criada por abuela, prima y hermano mayor ¡Niños creando niños! Mi abuela no era nada amorosa de esas abuelas que vemos en los cuentos llenas de sabiduría y amor; mi prima era una amargada que le daban " el poder" de obligarme a comer higado encebollado hasta vomitarme encima y un hermano frustrado que todo lo que le hacían a él, entonces lo reflejaba pegandonos y maltratandonos.
Quisiera decir que esas heridas muerden porque ahora reconozco la disfuncionalidad de tener hijos para después no tener tiempo para ellos ¿No suena lógico, cierto?
Esto obviamente me llevó a construir mi rebeldía, no callaba mi voz, a tener peleas con mi hermano menor y siempre vivir en enfrentamiento; uno de estos ejemplos es que a todo le decía que no, siempre era una amargura y una tristeza. Por parte de mi padre, el maltrato de mi madrastra me llevó a enfrentarla muchas veces a tal punto que mi papá estuvo a casi nada del divorcio muchas veces, pero ahora de grande entiendo que solo eran manipulaciones que solo los "grandes entienden".
Jamás iba de paseo, mi vida era como de militar, no había dinero de mesada, ni siquiera elegia mi ropa o lo que quería para navidad, además de no contar con un cuarto para tener privacidad como merece cualquier persona.
Ahora veo a esta florecita con tristeza pero madura. Siempre pensaba en que quería vivir muy lejos de casa, tener mis propias cosas y creo que esa es una de las razones principales por mi resistencia a la maternidad, porque no quiero repetir modelos incorrectos que ningún niño merece vivir. Coartar las cosas que quiere hacer, crianzas por terceros, obligaciones siendo niños, no tener la libertad de jugar o desarrollarse como niño, creo que es una responsabilidad que debo tener tanto para decir quiero un hijo, como para decir no lo quiero porque no creo estar en condiciones para hacerlo amado, motivado, criado como merece su niñez.
Am I connected to my inner child?
I believe I am. The things that made me self-conscious or that I still hold sadly, are behind me; today I indulge myself in eating, travelling, going out, seeing, living, dancing without the need to be accountable to anyone.
If they only knew that I never watched cartoons, I never got muddy, I NEVER BATHED IN THE RAIN and much less went out to a friend's house because my mother took me there. Today, I enjoy all of those things and more: I enjoy the rain, I watch children's films and comment on them, I have my friends and share with them whenever I can, I laugh out loud, I love my nephews and nieces madly and I am the first one to take them to a park, I encourage them to challenge themselves in things they think are impossible, I laugh at their clumsiness for not mastering something, I dance with them, I motivate them to always be better and they always see me as an example and one more child but with permission to do what adults do 😊.
¿Estoy conectada con mi niña interna?
Considero que sí. Las cosas que me cohibieron o aun conservo con tristeza,quedaron atrás; hoy me doy el gusto de comer, viajar, salir, ver, vivir, bailar sin necesidad de rendirle cuentas a nadie.
Si supieran que nunca ví comiquitas, no me manche de barro, JAMÁS ME BAÑÉ EN LA LLUVIA y mucho menos salía a casa de una amiga porque mi mamá me llevaba. Hoy, disfruto de todas esas cosas y mas: disfruto la lluvia, veo las películas infantiles y las comento, tengo mis amigas y comparto con ellas cada vez que puedo, rio a carcajadas, amo con locura a mis sobrinos y soy la primera que los lleva a un parque, les animo a retarse en cosas que creen imposibles, me rio de sus torpezas por no dominar algo, bailo con ellos, les motivo a ser mejores siempre y ellos siempre me ven como un ejemplo y una niña mas pero con permiso para hacer lo de adultos 😊.
I think that seeing this initiative, I am going to be more creative with my inner child, more permissive, more compassionate, because yes, I need my child to emerge to keep my goals and north well fixed as I once had, to keep defending my ideals as I once did and always smile, never stop smiling even if I feel that the world is coming down on me.
Creo que viendo esta iniciativa, voy a ser mas creativa con mi niña interior, mas permisiva, mas compasiva, porque si, yo necesito que mi niña aflore para mantener mis metas y norte bien fijados como alguna vez lo tuve, seguir defendiendo mis ideales como lo hice alguna vez y siempre sonreir, no dejar de sonreir así sienta que el mundo se viene encima.
Las imágenes forman parte de mi albúm familiar, la portada editada en Canvas y los separadores de la amiga @kattycrochet en esta publicación.
Hasta un próximo encuentro holístico.
@kattycrochet/stock-images-oror-spring-text-dividers-freeThank you for such an enlightening initiative and I hope to meet again sometime on the same plane to enjoy biodanza.
The images are part of my digital album, the cover edited in Canvas and the dividers of the friend @kattycrochet in her publication.
Until a next holistic encounter.