Occasionally near my office, this bright orange scooter is parked up near a dull grey wall and each time I see it, it makes me feel happy. There is something about the contrast, the juxtaposition between the vivid life of the scooter and the deadness of the backdrop. I like the awkward, the different, the slightly off center, or too far to one side, because it creates a kind of mental discomfort and makes me pay more attention, not less.
Perfection is boring.
Twenty one far from perfect years in Finland.
Like the picture above, it has been an experience of contrasts, with the best moments and the worst moments of my life, often appearing on that dead background of the daily grind. After twenty one years here in this city, it is by far the longest I have ever been in one place and in a couple more years, I will have spent more of my life in Finland as a foreigner, than in Australia as a local.
What does that make me?
I'd like to be able to say that life has got easier since coming here, but I think it has got harder. Or at least, I think it has become more complicated. When I was here in the first few years, I could have gone back to Australia and picked up a life again, rebuilt networks and a career. But after so long, that is barely an option for me, having the experience I have here. This means that in some way I am trapped here, but having to constantly be on my toes, grinding away to ensure that I can stay where I am trapped.
I find this funny.
What are the other options? Just laugh at the predicaments we find ourselves in, right? Like I was talking with a colleague today who has been in the country for a couple years and recognizes how difficult it can be, not just as a foreigner, but as one who has a little more pigmentation in their skin. It doesn't matter what he has done prior to arrival, his degrees or years of professional experience, it all gets discounted by his looks. And mine.
But, at the same time, that contrast also makes life more interesting, less beige. In some way it adds positive value to the experience, because it is something to overcome, something to provide friction and feedback. And of course, it also provides a level of discomfort, contrast, a highlight point that attracts the eyes, and pulls them in to explore.
Talking with another colleague today over lunch, we discussed diversity in the workplace and how ridiculous it has become, where it is based on skin color, sex, or sexual orientation. They are quite ridiculous attributes to focus on for diversity inclusion, aren't they?
In my opinion, there is no value in them unless because of them, different skills are learned, different perspectives. But, using those as the basis of diversity has nothing to do with if there is going to be value in those traits for a company, other than for advertising of inclusion purposes.
But "thinking differently" doesn't automatically bring value either, does it? An idiot thinks differently to a genius, but it doesn't mean that the idea are good. It also doesn't mean that the ideas are bad, but IQ isn't a very good indicator of value either. There are a lot of smart people, who do a lot of dumb things. I used to be one of them - now I am an idiot who does dumb things.
I wonder if my fascination with the slightly awkward and difficult, is because I have never really fit in anywhere in my life. I have never had the feeling I was part of the tribe so to speak and instead, I was more the wanderer that could fit in across many different groups, without belonging to any of them. Maybe that is why I was able to come to Finland and survive for this long, because I am okay being uncomfortable, making do, and surviving.
There is a limit somewhere though.
I don't know where that line is, but I believe we all have a breaking point, where things just become too uncomfortable and survival too difficult to fight for. As a species, we are pretty resilient, but as individuals, that line of survive or not, is never that far away. We don't like to think too much about that though.
I often fantasize about having an easier life, but if I did, I wonder if I would miss the hard? Would I look to increase the challenge to make it more difficult again, or would I self-sabotage in order to return to a point where it was as hard as it was?
Which is easier?
As said, I find life amusing. And simultaneously tragic.
Awkward.
Taraz
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