February 2023 - You've been cruel to me...

I'm not sure where to start but I guess I would have to say that February 2023 was quite intense for me in a lot of ways. My overall well-being was at its lowest! I was in excruciating pain both physically and emotionally. I should have been used to such emotions, but nothing had prepared me for what happened.

On the second week of February, after an hour of doing my yoga practice (2 days before that I did a 5km fun run) to stretch out some muscles, I suddenly felt a sharp shooting pain in my lower back. My lower back muscles suddenly became so stiff that I couldn't bend my body. I wasn't worried at first because I already experienced this some time ago every premenstrual cycle and usually, after a few days, my body would go back to normal. However, I was wrong. After a nap, it got worse. My pelvis was protruding to the side. I looked like I had severe scoliosis. That was when I panicked.

I could barely move at all! Standing up from the bed was a pain and I was walking like a zombie just like the ones you saw in the movies. So I called my mom, crying, and told her of my situation. "What if you get disabled?" She said. The thought of it just scared the shit out of me as I don't want to be a burden to my parents. My mom came 2 days later to take care of me.

Going to the hospital was my last resort as I prefer doing holistic treatment first. I called the chiropractic clinic near my place and scheduled a visit the next day. The only challenge was finding someone to take me there. I thought of just renting a habal-habal but this mode of transportation was scarce in my area. I chatted @dehai if she knows anyone but instead, she said her husband can take me to the clinic which I am forever grateful for.

Doctor Ric assured me my spine was perfectly fine and that my pelvis was out of alignment due to the muscle spasms in my lower back. However, we knew that what happened to me was accumulated over the past months. I knew that my chiro session was due before the 5km fun run. I did regret delaying my visit there last January.

My chiro treatment was intense. It took us more than an hour. There was a lot of cracking sounds and at one point I had to shout because the pain was too much. By the end of it, my whole body was shivering when ice packs were placed all over my body to relieve me of the pain. I had more mobility after that. My pelvis was still protruding to the right, but I could stand and walk with less pain. I was just grateful that the clinic accommodated me that day as they were usually closed every Tuesdays.

I thought I was out of the woods but I was wrong. I came home and I was told my pet cat died. My world crumbled.

My neighbors found my pet cat Osiris's body lifeless near the beach. I was blank. I was spaced out as I saw Osiris with blood oozing from his nose. His body was already stiff indicating he had died a couple of hours already. There were no exterior injuries so it would have been most likely due to poisoning. I didn't feel any emotions while I had to put his body in a sack and brought him back to my place. My whole mind and body were in shock.

I broke down when I called my mom over the phone and told her about it. I had him buried right away because I couldn't stand watching his lifeless body. I simply cried throughout the day wondering why it happened and all the what-ifs I could think of. The physical pain I was experiencing at that time was nothing compared to the pain I felt in my heart.

He was my companion through all the major life changes I had gone through during those past 10 months. I never felt lonely throughout that journey because I had him. The first few days after his passing was cruel because wherever I look, I am reminded of him, and I cry once again.

In the spiritual world, I've learned that a pet's passing is always divinely timed whether it be through an illness or accident, and that their spirit is always with us. Knowing this, I could relax into the thought that it probably was meant to be. However, just as how I found him out of nowhere, he also left my life in an instant. This I wasn't prepared for. His passing left a huge hole in my heart.

There is no point in dwelling or thinking of the reasons as to why all these happened to me, but I such things are needed for the evolution of our soul. But to be honest, I am so tired and yet there is nothing more to do but to move forward in my life.

As I write this today, I've already finished my 3rd chiropractic session a week ago and I can stand and walk properly now. So, to all those who knew about my circumstance, I am feeling better and doing well so no need to worry about me. I appreciate you. I am still due for a couple more chiropractic sessions in the next few weeks so my physical recovery is looking bright. As to this pain in my heart, I am hoping one day that I would be able to smile when I think of Osiris.