I'm super excited for this topic because it is very dear to me. It brings a lot of memories back and something I've been working on in my own personal life.
For me, one of the challenges I've faced in my life which I would rather not want to deal with again but somehow, it has a way of always showing up and it can be really challenging to be honest. One of the challenges i've faced when growing up and even now as an adult has been the problem of "Not saying no" especially when i'm the one at a disadvantage.
When it comes to creating a balance between giving to others and prioritizing my own needs... I think I'm in a better position right now to share this story.
As someone who comes from a family where love is extremely valued. I mean love means everything to us. My parents were the type of parents that would ensure that you do everything perfectly in whatever you do as a child. I would kinda call them perfectionist in a way because regardless of what you do, whether in school, behaviour, personal goals, morals and so on, they would want you to be the best. The expectations they had were really really high and that created a mindset in me to always want to please people and strive to be perfect in anything I do.
I wouldn't say it is a bad thing to always strive to be the best and be perfect in everything, but like the popular saying, "too much of everything is not good".
Because of this mindset, I grew up to always want to please people in the sense of always giving out regardless of whether it hurts or not or whether i'm at a disadvantage... it doesn't matter... I would always say yes to the request as far as I have what was requested at that moment.
We all know that even though you can have something, for example money, it doesn't mean that it can be given out just like that. Sometimes, you can have some money with you but you have already budgeted that money for something else that is very useful.
But because of the kind of person i am, regardless of what I want to do with that thing, I would always be inclined to give it out if someone ask for it. This has a lot of times become a huge problem to me... and sometimes some friends usually take advantage of my generosity for their own benefits.
The funny thing is that when I share this problem of mine to others, they usually think it's a good thing to always give to others... while I agree with them, I know the problems I face not being able to say no.
While I enjoy seeing people around me happy and putting a smile on people's faces by always saying yes to their request and giving... as I got much older and matured, I began to understand the value that comes with finding a balance between giving to others and prioritizing my own needs.
When it comes to finding a balance... it can be really really tricky and not as easy as it looks... For me, I've come to realize that when you run dry, you cannot give... or simply put... you cannot pour anything out from an empty cup.
I still say yes to people... but this time, I don't let it affect or encroach into my own personal needs. For example, if I have a couple of cash with me and someone is in need of cash... If I see that the need isn't an emergency or something urgent... I can afford to say no if I genuinely have something to do with the cash. However, if i have spare cash, I can offer to help.
It is very important to set boundaries... As a person, we also have our own needs, so i don't see anything wrong in trying to fulfil your own needs first before trying to fulfil another person's needs. I don't think it is selfish if you genuinely have a need for what is being requested.
So for me, the balance or the sweet spot is that I say yes or continue to give if I genuinely dont have a need at that moment... However, for my own benefits and to avoid running dry... i say no when it comes down to prioritizing my own needs as well. But there's an exception... If the person is in urgent need or it's an emergency, I can willingly sacrifice my need for that moment in order to solve that problem... but if it is not an urgent need or emergency, I don't think it is a problem to say NO and prioritize my own needs.