Sunday, 18th of December 2022
Posted Monday, 19th of December 2022
Do you ever have those days that youāre so in LOVE with the life you have build for yourself that it feels like your heart is about to explode from overwhelming joy of existence?
Me? I get a little suspicious of days or moments like this. My life has always been full of struggles and challenges. I had to work really hard for everything I am enjoying now. Nothing was ever given to me on the silver plateā¦ until recently.
āIn my wildest dreams I never expected I will be enjoying my life THIS much at the age of 40ā - I said to my bestie yesterday.
I really really didnāt see that coming. When I was a teenager, I was hoping and praying for my life to end by 30, 35 max, cause it has been so damn hard that I thought Iād be exhausted, old and sick enough to die by then.
Donāt be misguided by my avatar - modern technology can make you look young without the actual facelift š A very well needed ego boost! I am old, but not as old as I was expecting to be back then. My soul is a mixture of a crazy chick in her early 20ās and a very old, probably 111 years old and wise woman. A modern witch š
In āThink and grow richā Napoleon Hill says that āmen who succeed in an outstanding way, seldom do so before they reach the age of 40ā. Think Henry Ford (45), with his revolutionary Model T, Samuel L. Jackson (43) in āJungle Feverā or Stan Lee (39) with his āThe Fantastic Fourā and later on Marvel Universe kind of success.
When I read this in my early 30ās I was a little outraged and cocky enough to think I was special enough to reach that place much earlier. I guess the work I have put then in changing my mindset about what ārichā really means, is actually starting to pay offā¦ yes, at 40 ššš I really needed to read this back then to prepare myself for whatās to come. Starting at 40 would be a little too late!
Not only have I read this book and highlighted all the quotes that rang true to me, but I also got myself an audiobook on CD that I had on repeat in my car during every road trip to NL or Poland that I embarked on since around 2013. I havenāt listened to it for the past couple years, as it got mysteriously lost in my messy car š Iām sure it will miraculously show up when I need to hear it again.
What made me fall in love with my life again? Well, a combination of many things that seem to have aligned in my life in this past year.
2022 was one hell of a ride and probably one of the most challenging and life-changing years of my life.
I started it on a high note! Even though I started it all by myself in a bubble bath and attending SmartBCH project audio call in Telegram till late at night š
Seriously, this would make me so depressed some years earlier! I donāt care much for Christmas, but my NYE has been celebrated with a bang almost every year of my existence.
I made the most of it though! Couple of mojitos, bubble bath and many nerds from across the globe. We cheered each other up almost every hour, as we all greeted new year in different time zones. I even stayed up till 8 or 9am to wish a happy new year to the last person who celebrated NYE in the United States.
It had a charm of its own. It was different and we need different things in our lives to decide what we really love the most, as well as to learn to be at peace even when life doesnāt go āour wayā.
This year for example my NYE is already planned and booked! I will celebrate it in Hilton Metropole in Bāham in the full power of my Coven during the whole weekend long salsa bash!
In numbers we are stronger! Even though each one of 4 of us already claimed their empowered spot on this planet. This year we might even welcome a 5th one into our Coven. I spotted a charming girl with an amazing smile, a spark in her eye, sensual body movement and a required edge to enrich our Coven š Watch this space!
Letās get back to 2022 for a moment though.
In 2021 I walked away from yet another amazing man in my life. I still love him like crazy. Such a gem, yet so unable to see and shine his light. I could settle for āa few more years of sacrifice in JOBā and peaceful retirement in his loving arms. Maybe thatās still an option in some years to come, but for now I still have so much more to do on this planet. I seriously donāt know exactly what it is yet, but I have this feeling deep inside that I have an important role to play and settling in a relationships would stop me from playing it all out perfectly.
I donāt know, maybe some people are not made for relationships? My 15 years old self would jump of the building if I told her this, but my 40 years old self loved her freedom and came to peace with it. I was in love at least 4 times in my life, plus a few more short lasting crashes from the first sight. Thatās much more than an average person lives to experience on this Earth throughout their lives. I am so blessed.
I also have a strong confidence in the Universe. I know that when Iām ready for the next lesson, the right person will show up in my life out of blue and will take me out for another ride of my life. I just know this in my heart š
2022 has not been a year to fall in love with anyone or anything, but life itself. Needless to say Iāve also been busy licking my wounds after my last relationship. Itās hard to let go even if youāre the one walking away.
In January however, I was on top of the world! I closed December with a $7k increase in my portfolio and after 8 months in crypto I thought I know it all š
In February I was faced with multiple crashes. A crash in my portfolio, once I realised some of the projects I invested in were a bubble and I didnāt take profits in time. A crash in my personal life as I realised my dream of becoming a foster carer will not come true before I run out of savings and use all my credit limits to pay my bills.
I seriously canāt remember much or March/April. I guess was still holding on to the hope that crypto will save me from going back to corporate world. It didnāt.
I know I visited C at some point, because my gallery says so. I needed a few moments with someone wise and close to me, so I can regain myself. Walks with C and Kylo never disappoint. I also needed to hear āListen, right now, you need to get a jobā from the right mouth.
May came and my 40th birthday and I was on the bottom, so deep that I had to call my doctor to ask for something for my anxiety as I couldnāt function anymore. That overwhelming fear that I will soon loose my house if I donāt take required steps to improve my finances. By my birthday, I already secured a new JOB (Just Over Broke) not in one, but in 2 engineering companies. I also swallowed the pill my doc gave me right on the parking lot, as soon as I left the pharmacy.
I donāt like drugs and my friends warned me of antidepressants in particular, but at that point I knew that I wonāt make it out #ALIVE without a helping hand of modern medicine. This December ends full half a year of my journey with them and my doc advised to get off them if I feel ready, especially that I only took half of the recommended by her dose. I couldnāt give in completely š So Iām following doctors orders and keep forgetting to take them.
What was I so terrified off? Well, JOB and waking up early. Iām a night owl after all and my new start time was 7am. I was scared of constantly oversleeping to work and being fired with a bang after a few weeks š Plus following other peopleās orders. What a nightmare after enjoying being self employed for 1.5 years!
It had to be done though. I found a place that I feel appreciated and my work week is Monday to Thursday, so 3 days weekends do make a difference to my work-life balance. Plus my boss enjoys being bossed around by me. Heās the best boss I ever had!
My 40th was not celebrated with a bang! One of my besties took me out for a walk and a picnic by the lake. She brought snacks which I appreciated, but couldnāt stomach, as Iāve lost my appetite and my weight was dropping at an alarming speed. I was fit, yet I couldnāt even enjoy being fit, as I was so depressed.
L also booked a train ticket for me for the following weekend to join her on her London salsa adventure. That was a beginning on an exciting journey of freedom for me! A freedom to travel to salsa parties without trying to organise lifts with various people I didnāt even like š
The rest of the afternoon I spent walking around cemetery, jealous of those who have passed on and video calling my parents, while doing my best to swallow my tears. I also took them to my allotment on a video call, so they can watch me planting tomatoes š It was a glorious, sunny day, as if nature was smiling at my misery and saying āAll will be well. The sun will always shine after even the biggest stormsā.
I canāt really remember the rest of the day. I probably went back home, got stoned and watched a movie. Or maybe I run out of weed by then too?
Oh yeah, now I rememberā¦ my crypto friend send me a nice birthday gift and asked me to withdraw it and spoil myself on my special day. Needless to say I didnāt withdraw a penny and I also didnāt feel like it was a special day. I am and forever will be grateful to J for this kind gesture. A stranger from the internet helped me in many other ways while I was on the bottom this year. He even sent me an article of mine from 2021 to remind me who I was. It made me cry happy tears. One day I hope to pay it forward to someone in need š
I spent my summer adjusting to the new work routine and enjoying occasional train adventures to London with my besties or on my own. I could finally afford a ticket by myself and I was extremely grateful for it. I was also impressed by how much more stable my life has become thanks to the work routine. That one thing that I was resisting so much. My ex noticed this about me much earlier than I could see it myself. Resistance really makes us blind!
In July we were celebrating Lās birthday at her new, beautiful house. There was also a French themed party earlier at her place! T didnāt disappoint with neither - outfit nor naughty sense of humour!
In August, my earlier mentioned crypto friend asked me to help him out managing his Telegram community, while he was busy developing his NFT marketplace on spanking new DogeChain. It was just what I needed to jump back into cryptoverse. I had things and projects to write and be excited about and I was slowly incorporating crypto into my work routine.
I was also back to regular yoga classes. L and I even joined yoga on the boards! Check us out, posing with our legs in the air after the class. That was sure one of the many highlights of this year š
Did I mention my Coven besties? I know I did, but they really had my back this whole year full of challenges.
I visited T every week without a fail, as she felt a little separated and caring for her foster child greatly limited her freedom of driving and enjoying salsa adventures. So we practiced on our own, while experiencing joys, laughter, tears, arguments and everything else possible. She made sure I had food on my plate and I donāt loose myself completely while I crashed on my face.
My new job is 10mins drive from her, would you believe it? Closer than my house! Itās a no brainer for me to drive to her place right after work one day a week, indulge myself in puppy love, sleep on her sofa with her cats and drive to work from her place the following day. Just one of the mysterious coincidences or rather synchronicities that I stumbled upon this year.
This week was her birthday and I somehow forgot to add this crazy picture of us covered in foam at Regatta at our salsa friendās in 2016 to her birthday post!
C decided to find herself up North, close to her family and 4 hours away from me. It felt like Iām loosing her, while at the same I gained extended family to look forward to visiting whenever I can. I love her children, her partner, his daughter, her parents and her brother and his kids too!
āWhat the fuck, John?!ā He screamed at me when I saw him last night.
Apparently this it what I said to him at the salsa congress back in September, when he refused 5th dance with me, so he can have one dance with T š That has become a running joke in my new, extended family whenever my name comes up in their conversations.
It left me in tears from laughter last night and Iām sure I will hear more of it next week! Next Thursday I will get in my car and drive 4 hours to spend my Christmas with that crazy lot! Iām so looking forward to it and also walks with Kylo š
L really stepped up for me too. I love to distance myself from everyone while Iām licking my wounds, but she didnāt let me. She insisted on watching my ugly face while I lost all hope. She invited me to her parties and took me out for adventures to brighten my mood. I got to know her husband better too.
Iāve known her the longest out of our coven of 4. She helped me through many challenges over the 11 years that weāve known each other. Last night, as we were enjoying our smoke and waiting for C to come down and take us to her hotel room she gave me the biggest and most unexpected hug! It said so many things in just one moment. All the tears and laughter we shared over the years have bonded us for life.
We drift apart, as we take on new challenges in our lives, but at some point we always come back to our Friday walks in the park. I would like to think that I add to her life as much as she adds to mine š
Whatās better than having 3 besties? Itās when all your 3 besties are each other besties too and when all of us meet together in one place, the power of the Coven shines brightly on a winter day š
A GAME CHANGER! Thatās our new running joke/not joke at all.
Train journeys to London were a game changer. The freedom is overwhelming!
A vape that heats our weed rather than burning it was a game changer. It smells less and gives a gentler high, perfect for dancing!
A shower at YMCA after mid-day salsa party in preparation for the evening salsa party was a game changer.
New pads to put on before putting on our dancing shoes were yesterdayās game changer. I actually managed to stay on heels all night, rather than swapping them for flats after max 2 hours of dancing š
2023 is just around the corner and Iām excited to see what other game changers we will discover together. Having an amazing support circle was a game changer for me this year.
But heyā¦ I havenāt finished yet!
Cause at the end of October I started my Hive journey. Many have advised me to open new account, as I wasnāt active here since I joined in summer 2021. Ernesto stood his ground though and decided to keep his forever nickname - fantagira. Oh well, I hang on to my last attachments for dear life. My whole crypto family knew me by this nickname and I wasnāt going to give it up.
What do you know? Hive has become my next game changer! Why? Because Iāve met many friends here from other platforms. Also because I found The Terminal on Discord and I followed their advice each step of the way. @jamesrussell and @brittandjosie welcomed me with featuring my article and dropping first comments on it too. They also patiently answered all my newbie questions. @wesphilbin delegated HP to help me grow, @pravesh0
cracked me up calling me Madam against my will, @queenstarr took me through the steps of starting my journey with @dcrops, @thekittygirl would come out of nowhere to answer my technical questions in Discord, when Prav was not around, and many others silently upvoted my overgrown articles, occasionally dropping a comment just perfect to keep me on my track.
I found my virtual tribe on Hive. People actually want to read my overgrown articles and comment in a meaningful ways. There is @ewkaw with her amazing Fungi community and incredible sense of humor, @littlebee4 that always finds time to be on Hive even while sheās moving to another country. @nickydee helps me make sense of my trauma and there is @riverflows that I share the love for nature with.
There are many more and also new people that I meet every day. I wonāt be tagging everyone, as clearly Iāve overdone it already, but heyā¦ one more tag for @stdd that I know will enjoy reading this! Go ahead and join his gratitude giveway guys.
I struggle to produce a good quality content every single day. Itās a perfectionist in me that would cringe if I posted for the sake of posting. When a day like today comes though, I walk around the house and I canāt stop writing for hours. I just need to get it all off my chest or I wonāt sleep at night š
That said, let me end this here. Itās past 10pm and I need to readjust to the work week and getting up at 6am tomorrow morning. Iāll need to finish editing this tomorrow too! Not the same without pictures š
Until next time š
| Camera: | iPhone11 |
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| Photographer: | @fantagira |