Motherhood for me is more challenging than it is rewarding. It’s like in the challenge is your reward.
While the relationship between mother and child starts off as a parasitic one, as the child is born, it gradually metamorphoses into a symbiotic relationship.
You’d find out that as your offspring grows, you grow as well, you learn more about you and become better if you are willing.
With my daughter I have learned tolerance, I have learned patience, I have learned what it means to be selfless, I have learned how to listen all of which sums up to love.
Before now, I did not get along with my baby because I failed to see her for what she actually is, an extension of me.
I find myself adopting this African style of parenting because that was what I was used to and trust me in the beginning I failed woefully at being a mom.
I got really frustrated because parenting is not just about feeding the child or enrolling them in school.
It's more about assisting them in the development of their thought process, which is what forms most of their character as they grow to become an adult.
You can’t really groom your child well without some level of understanding.
At the point I got truly frustrated, I reached out to an elderly friend how my child and I do not get along as I can’t cope with the character she’s putting up. So he asked me, what do I mean by that?
“Your child can’t just adopt a character from space, especially at this tender age. Whatever she’s exhibiting should either be from you, or her father.” As I contemplate on his words, I decided to pay close attention. I took my daughter as a course and was studying her.
I discovered whenever she gets stubborn, she just wants to be heard, she wants to be understood and also respected for her stance.
I didn’t know that for a baby, she possesses such level of intelligence, and that character trait is from me.
Not only that, but I am not one that likes to be forced to do anything, if you try to impose something on me to do, I will not do it. Likewise, I can only carry out your wishes when you politely ask and further explain to me the need for that thing to be done.
After this discovery, whatever I want my daughter to do, I appeal to her and ask her nicely. She does it immediately without a second thought.
Some months back, I noticed that she talks to herself, and I was disturbed, but then I had thought, if she talks to her, it shows she’s lonely.
It used to be just me and her after school, and then for a child who is highly opinionated like myself, she always wants to say something since she has no one to talk to.
Generally, I always get busy working online. With time, my daughter starts making up characters with the name of her classmates.
At first, I would scold her and ask her to stop talking to the characters she has formed with her classmate’s names she would, but then go right back to talking to herself again.
Then it hits me, “why don’t you be her listening ear?, I mean, she’s my first and primary responsibility, so what could be more important than keeping her company?” I had said to myself.
So I told her, “baby, if ever you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me.”
I saw her eyes lit as she excitedly said, “Ok, mommy”.
She started talking to me, and then I’d listen and contribute. I noticed she stopped talking to herself.
Fast-forward to one hot afternoon working from home, I was overwhelmed, and then she came to chitchat, I got irritated from all the work stress that I took it out on her and asked her to go away.
She gave me a teary face and said, “but mommy, you said I can talk to you.” I died a little inside because men! I never thought she took my words seriously. I drew her close and apologized, explaining to her how I’m just stressed from work.
Furthermore, I promised not to yell at her again as I asked her to go on with what she has to say, I’m listening.
With motherhood, I became a master of multitasking, I could be working online, and I’m being there simultaneously for my child.
With building a relationship with my child, I have learned how to keep my emotions in check, and it has helped me with anger management and how not to transfer aggression to people.
The knowledge that my child is learning from me and will become a reflection of me keeps me on my toes. It’s like I’m walking on eggshells and living in a glass house. I have to be careful else I end up creating a problem.
PS
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