I can't recall the first time I heard the words "You Don't SAY Much, Do You?" but I'm gonna guess it was when I was about 13-14... prior to that, my disinclination to talk had just been assumed shyness and a "phase" I would work through.
Truth be known, I have seldom felt inclined to say very much.
Yes, I write a lot, but I rarely have much to say... in terms of daily conversation. I pretty much suck at small talk. On the other hand, if we get on a topic I am really interested in, whether it's art, beach combing, cooking or something else I do actually become quite talkative.
My bottom line: I don't tend to make "face noises" simply for the sake of hearing myself make sound, and talking does not effectively help me work through ideas or problems.
The interesting thing about natural introversion is that it elicits very different reactions, depending on where in the world you find yourself.
In my native Denmark, "quiet people" are just accepted as a normal part of life. I lived in Spain as a teenager, and "passionate expression" was considered the social norm there... so my quietude was more often perceived as "something wrong." Mostly, though, that I was being quiet because I was angry or upset about something.
Which, of course, I wasn't. I just didn't feel like I had anything consequential to add to a situation, so I didn't.
The US of A — where I now live — tends to be an extremely outgoing culture, and the norm is to "stand tall, look 'em in the eye, and tell 'em what you know." Even if you don't actually know anything...
The perception of quiet people in the US is different from Spain, though... in that here people are more likely to associate someone being quiet with being mentally disturbed, and not necessarily in a good way... "it's the QUIET ones you have to watch out for!" someone might say, and they are loosely referring to the likes of the Unabomber or deranged kids who shoot up schools with assault weapons.
In contrast, I am told that some cultures like Japan and China view quiet ones very positively, as indications of thoughtfulness and politeness. At least that's what I was told by two different Asian women (One Korean, one Japanese) I briefly dated, in my early 20's.
But it is absolutely true, I "don't say much."
Unless there's something worthwhile to say...
And that's OK... the thing that baffles me, and has since the start, it why it seems to be a problem for some people. Or, at the very least, a source of disappointment... like my own mother who was one of life's great social butterflies who never met a person whose ears she couldn't talk off!
Does it actually bother me? Not so much... except maybe the pervasive association that there's something creepy about people who don't say much. Why?
Nobody seems to have a good answer for that... although some people say they feel "judged" and like I am "withholding" something from them when I am not talking. Terribly sorry, but that's YOUR issue, not mine!
So why am I writing this rather strange post, late at night?
In a different part of life (yes, there IS life away from Hive!) I serve as admin in a fairly large (about 18,000 active members) group centered around Sensory-Processing Sensitivity and a common lament seems to be the treatment of introverts in an extraverted world. The majority (75%) of "sensitives" are introverts.
And I guess a fair number of introverts, particularly in the US, seem to have issues being truly at peace with this particular personality trait.
Hence, I expect, the reason why it is most often introverts who spend a lot of time in the process of soul searching and understanding themselves and the world. If you don't feel like you fit in, it's only natural to try to figure out why.
Thanks for reading, and have a great rest of your week!
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Created at 20210216 00:40 PST
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