As I reflect on my childhood, I remember a particular incident where I was wrong by my parents and it hurts me a lot. I was only a child, young and vulnerable and most times their action makes me feel hurt and betrayed. I was only a teenager and my parents in their own attempt to discipline me crossed a boundary that made me feel resentment and anger. As I grew older, I expected an apology, an acknowledgement of what they have done wrong to me, and a chance to move forward but it never came, as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I began to carry a deep sense of resentment, anger and guilt within me. I couldn't understand why my parents wasn't able to see the pain and the hurt they have caused me and bring their self to apologize, Instead they acted like nothing ever happened.
As I grew I felt like I was carrying the burden of my misfortune and it was weighing me down. I began to realize that the apology I was so desperately looking for was not about my parents saying sorry to me, it was about my need for a clarification and closure with the fact that they saw me, knew why i was angry towards them and understood my perspective. The lack of an apology made me question my own worth, I wondered if i was being too dramatic or over reacting to situation but as I find my way through the darkness and unclear thought of mine, I came to realize that my action was in order and my need for an apology was not whether i was right or wrong it Was about being heard and seen.
In the end I decided to let go of the long awaited apology and as I look back in the past , I realize that the absence of that apology was not a failure rather it was a stepping stone to self discovery and true healing. It reminded me that forgiveness and self healing is not about changing what the past is, its about freeing ourselves from its grip and sometimes the most profound apologies are the ones we give ourselves within, in the silence of our heart. As I move forward in life, I came to understand that the absence of an apology was not unique to my situation. Many people struggle with the same unmet resentment and expectations that never came and to be honest it's a common human experience we all have experience in one point in our life and it can be incredibly painful at times.
If you're a person struggling with the absence of an apology , I am here today to tell you i hear you, i see you and i feel you. Your emotions are valid and the need for closure is real, but don't wait or expect someone else to give you the apology you deserve, take the first step in healing yourself and discover your inner self with in you. Always have the mindset of self discovery and let the past be bye gone.