One day it was a sunny Sunday and the sun was shining through the window in my mom's room and all of sudden the room became so thick I could feel that something dramatic was going to happen immediately.
My mum called to come over to the corner she was sitting, “Cherry, I want to tell you, something” my mother said in a calm and serious manner. I could see this look of fear on her face and she looked uncertain on how I would react to whatever she wanted to say to me.
She took a deep breath and then said calmly the words that stabbed me in my heart, and these were her words “I must point out that each time things become difficult and tough for you, you tend to withdraw and cut people off , create barriers around yourself that people do not deserve, and that is something I need to address.”
Her words were the most sincere I had ever heard. Cut people off? Me? I had always had pride about being independent, my strength, yet standing there facing her, I felt her words deep in my bones: yeah, it was true that I was constructing emotional walls around myself, and it had actually set me apart from very love and support and affection that I ever needed.
I could remember times when I did not want to open up about the issues I was facing in life or when I had pushed others away instead of letting them in. Everything she said made me feel like it was exposing all my weaknesses leaving me feeling so bad and defenseless.
Tears ran through my eyes as the shock of her words sank in. A mix of shame, guilt, and deep regret washed over me for the relationships I had suffered in my misguided attempt to shield myself.
I knew that my mother was speaking out of love and concern toward me, and this was a hard pill to swallow.
Her words had a deep impact on me, and I still heard them echoing in the room. I think I could pull back the curtains I had put up around myself and open up. As I felt helpless, I promised myself I would tackle my problems and tear down the barriers that kept me apart from people who wanted to get close to me.
Over the next few days, I tried to be honest, to tell my friends and family the truth, to show them I have weaknesses and fears and that it's good to have someone who will back me up. It was a shift and growth that started with a bitter comment my mother made.
Her words made me feel bad though sour became but it motivated me and helped me understand the need of family and loved ones even during hard times. I also realized that although she said the truth which hurts me , it really brought change and transformation in my life. And in the end, I thanked my mother for that truth she told me; for it made me free from what I termed a " burdened" to a new life.