This is the story of the so-called ‘search for cool’ – a concept that has affected all of us and sent many of us on a path to doubt ourselves, pretend, and then ultimately fail. To this date, I remember the times when I would do anything just to gain the approval of my peer group, even abandon my own principles.
I was recently accepted into a new group of friends, so I was always thirsty to blend in. I realized that they were all into a certain kind of music, so I began listening to that too, though I did not particularly like the genre.
I devoted countless hours to listening to and analyzing lyrics and artists, as well as going to concerts, all in a bid to become as cool as I thought John and other similarly informed individuals were. I mimicked everything about them, from how they dressed to how they spoke and how they carried themselves.
I began to think it is fine to insult others and express opinions I did not have, just to fit in and be cool. It was tiring, and I felt as if I was leading a completely fake life. I could now see that I was attempting to compensate for something that was lacking in me as a person.
I wanted to be accepted and liked but failed most of the times doing it sincerely. In my turn, I wanted to achieve their approval and appreciation by becoming a different person. But the truth is, people can tell when someone is not genuine right from the start.
I did not have a clue I was wrong until one day when I talked to a friend I have a close relationship with. This was her way of telling me that I have transformed for the worse. She said that she felt separated from the real me, the me that could jest, laugh, and be myself. That conversation really opened my eyes. I gradually began to shed the mask of a person that I was not, and step by step, I found myself getting my life back.
I no longer tried to be who other people wanted me to be and began pursuing the things I really wanted. It was not easy and I can still remember times when I could hardly feel that I belong to the group. Yet, deep inside myself I was certain that I had made the correct choice.
I should not longer feel drained from pretending to be something that I was not, and I felt relieved to be genuine. Till today, I find myself in cases where I experience some level of tension to perform or meet other’s expectations. Yet, I remember what I went through in that particular experience. I understand that friends will like me as I am, and if I attempt to change in order to please a friend, I am likely to be let down.
Therefore, in an attempt to achieve “coollness”, one is just a constant cycle of questioning and faking. It is an act that makes people frustrated and not satisfied . But the key is to stay true to who you are. By doing this, you'll draw in the right crowd. Like I mentioned earlier, there's nothing cooler than just being yourself.