Mothers are the most important beings we get to have in our lives; even bad mothers are taken into account by their children because there is a bond of feelings that unites them. Yes, because there are, there are bad mothers but that is a relative concept for each child. When we become mothers we face the rigorous task of not repeating patterns and you say to yourself: ''I will do things right, I don't want my children to go through what I went through''. However, since there are bad mothers, what defines them better than leaving the responsibility of taking care of their children to someone else? Who is to blame?
Mi hermana menor Alexandra, es una muchacha joven de 23 años. Desde los 18 supo que lo suyo no era trabajar o estudiar, intento hacerlo pero en cada situación falló; hacer cursos de capacitación, trabajos de medio tiempo. Ella manifestaba que nada de eso le gustaba, como toda joven sus prioridades eran otras cosas que incluían maquillarse y verse bien. Se dedicaba a conocer chicos de otros países para mejorar su inglés que había adquirido gracias a que yo le daba lecciones, al menos en eso si presto atención. Los días de semana se dedicaba a estar en casa exigiéndole a mi mamá cada necesidad que tenía; me di cuenta que mi mama nunca había impuesto autoridad sobre ella, era un títere que mi hermana manejaba a su antojo. Todo lo contrario a mi caso.
My younger sister Alexandra, is a young girl of 23 years old. Since she was 18 she knew that her thing was not to work or study, she tried to do it but in every situation she failed; doing training courses, part time jobs. She said that she didn't like any of that, like any young woman her priorities were other things, which included putting on make-up and looking good. She dedicated herself to meeting boys from other countries to improve her English, which she had acquired thanks to my giving her lessons, at least that's what she paid attention to. On weekdays she dedicated herself to being at home demanding from my mom every need she had; I realized that my mom had never imposed authority over her, she was a puppet that my sister managed at her whim. The opposite of my case.
Cuando tenía 20 años, en su página de citas, conoció a un francés que la invito a su país a pasar una temporada. Sin pensarlo, tomo el avión y se fue a verse cara a cara con el desconocido de internet. Todo salió muy bien, fue un viaje increíble, visito y compro en lujosos restaurantes y tiendas reconocidas. Ella dijo: ‘’¿Quién no la va pasar bien en un viaje gratis?. Al regresar al país, volvió a su rutina de siempre, días de semana en casa mientras llegaba el fin de semana para irse de fiesta. Eso si, a veces ayudaba a mi madre en las tareas del hogar a regaña dientes pero ahora con más autoridad y a su manera porque estaba aportando económicamente, el viaje le dejó algo de dinero con el que estuvo defendiéndose un tiempo. Mi mamá y yo teníamos siempre la misma conversación: ¿Qué se puede esperar de alguien sin sentido de superación? Que no tiene interés en trabajar o en aprender cosas nuevas, mi mamá sólo asentaba con la cabeza y subía sus cejas mientras arrugaba sus labios.
When she was 20 years old, on her dating site, she met a Frenchman who invited her to his country to spend some time. Without thinking, she took the plane and went to meet face to face with the internet stranger. Everything went very well, it was an incredible trip, she visited and shopped in luxurious restaurants and renowned stores. She said, ''Who wouldn't have a good time on a free trip? When she returned to the country, she went back to her usual routine, weekdays at home while the weekend came to party. He sometimes helped my mother with the housework, but now with more authority and in his own way because he was contributing economically, the trip left him some money with which he was defending himself for a while. My mom and I always had the same conversation: What can you expect from someone with no sense of self-improvement? Who has no interest in working or learning new things, my mom would just nod her head and raise her eyebrows while wrinkling her lips. When she was 20 years old, on her dating site, she met a Frenchman who invited her to his country to spend some time. Without thinking, she took the plane and went to meet face to face with the internet stranger. Everything went very well, it was an incredible trip, she visited and shopped in luxurious restaurants and renowned stores. She said, ''Who wouldn't have a good time on a free trip? When she returned to the country, she went back to her usual routine, weekdays at home while the weekend came to party. He sometimes helped my mother with the housework, but now with more authority and in his own way because he was contributing economically, the trip left him some money with which he was defending himself for a while. My mom and I always had the same conversation: What can you expect from someone with no sense of self-improvement? Who has no interest in working or learning new things, my mom would just nod her head and raise her eyebrows while wrinkling her lips.
¿Qué es peor que una persona que no quiere responsabilidades? ¡Dos personas! He escuchado por ahí que las personas eligen a sus parejas en base a su propio reflejo, este fue el caso. Conoció a un joven en las mismas condiciones que ella, a diferencia que este tenía propiedades heredadas de su difunto padre. Ambos compartían los mismos gustos por la vida; no hacer nada. Salían a bailar, a comer, a tomar. Poco a poco su relación fue volviéndose más estrecha. Empezaron a frecuentarse incluso haciendo planes que no incluían irse de fiesta todo el fin de semana. Él era mayor que ella, cosa que era más preocupante porque significaba que había estado más tiempo en esa etapa de su vida, estando juntos no madurarían lo suficiente para enfrentar las cosas que le depararía la vida.
What's worse than one person who doesn't want responsibility? Two people! I have heard around that people choose their partners based on their own reflection, this was the case. She met a young man in the same condition as her, except that he had property inherited from his late father. They both shared the same tastes in life; doing nothing. They went out dancing, eating, drinking. Gradually their relationship became closer. They began to frequent each other, even making plans that didn't include partying all weekend. He was older than she was, which was more worrying because it meant that he had been in that stage of her life longer, being together they would not mature enough to face the things that life would bring her.
En esa etapa de su vida creo que estar en una relación ya no se estaba convirtiendo en su parte favorita. Decidió irse a Perú con una amiga a aventurar, a probar suerte. Se fue y el quedó aquí, honestamente no sé por qué ella lo había hecho habiendo comenzado una relación tan reciente, si una pareja nueva los primeros meses solo le importa compartir más tiempo de calidad. Esa decisión estaba tomada y partió un mes de junio. Al llegar a su destino, lo que para ella seguramente había sido una ‘’mala digestión’’ se convirtió en un feto de 5 semanas con 3 días de gestación. Su llamada nos dejó frías a mi madre y a mí, no supimos que decir, menos como sentirnos. Era una noticia que nos inquietaba de muchas maneras.
At that stage of her life I think being in a relationship was no longer becoming her favorite part. She decided to go to Peru with a friend to adventure, to try her luck. She left and he stayed here, I honestly don't know why she had done it having started a relationship so recently, if a new couple the first few months only cares about sharing more quality time. That decision was made and he left one month in June. When she arrived at her destination, what for her had surely been a ''bad digestion'' turned into a fetus of 5 weeks with 3 days of gestation. Her call left my mother and me cold, we didn't know what to say, let alone how to feel. It was news that unsettled us in so many ways.
Ella tomó la decisión de regresarse a brazos de su familia, lo último que quería era dar a luz en un país donde se encontraba sola y lejos de todo. Regresó, no hubo negligencias en su embarazo de parte de ella, se cuidó y aunque todo el tiempo se quejaba, dentro de un cabeza inmadura, comprendió que había otro ser que dependía de ella. Desde su llegada al país, hasta que dió a luz, fueron incontables las charlas que mi madre y yo como hermana mayor le dábamos cada vez que la veíamos. Miles de veces le dijimos que esta responsabilidad era algo que no podía evitar como todas las que había estado evitando desde si mayoría de edad.
She made the decision to return to the arms of her family, the last thing she wanted was to give birth in a country where she was alone and far from everything. She returned, there was no negligence in her pregnancy on her part, she took care of herself and although she complained all the time, inside an immature head, she understood that there was another being that depended on her. From the time she arrived in the country until she gave birth, my mother and I, as her older sister, talked to her every time we saw her. Thousands of times we told her that this responsibility was something she could not avoid like all the others she had been avoiding since she came of age.
Dio a luz por parto natural un mes de febrero a un hermoso varón con nada de cabello. Todos estábamos enamorados de ese primer bebé. Su actitud hacia el niño nos sorprendió; lo atendía, lo amamantaba, lo sacaba a dar paseos, hacia el papel de madre primeriza con toda la experiencia del mundo. Mi mamá se sentía tranquila porque su hija ya estaba tomando las cosas con madurez, que todos los sermones dados hicieron efecto y está comportándose de la manera que esperábamos con su hijo. Dio a luz por parto natural un mes de febrero a un hermoso varón con nada de cabello. Todos estábamos enamorados de ese primer bebé. Su actitud hacia el niño nos sorprendió; lo atendía, lo amamantaba, lo sacaba a dar paseos, hacia el papel de madre primeriza con toda la experiencia del mundo. Mi mamá se sentía tranquila porque su hija ya estaba tomando las cosas con madurez, que todos los sermones dados hicieron efecto y está comportándose de la manera que esperábamos con su hijo.
She gave birth by natural childbirth one February to a beautiful baby boy with no hair. We were all in love with that first baby. Her attitude towards the child surprised us; she took care of him, breastfed him, took him out for walks, played the role of a new mother with all the experience in the world. My mother felt reassured that her daughter was already taking things with maturity, that all the lectures she had been given had taken effect and that she was behaving the way we expected her to with her son.
El papel de madre advocada duro solo los primeros 6 meses de vida del bebé. Cuando empezó a comer alimentos, sus fines de semana en casa con su pequeño retoño ya no parecían tan divertidos. Ese mes volvió a su viejo comportamiento; salir a fiestas, tomar, bailar, llegar al día siguiente. La responsabilidad de ser madre de un bebe tan pequeño ya sentía que la había cumplido, según ella ya el bebé estaba preparado para, que alguien más que no fuera su madre, lo cuidara. Su argumento siempre fue el mismo: ‘’Estoy joven, también tengo que disfrutar mi vida’’. Argumento con el cual mi mama estaba de acuerdo y defendía delante de todos mientras, ya que era ella la encargada de cuidarlo. Se quejaba poco, no lo hacía en frente de mí porque sabía cada una de las palabras que saldrían de mi boca si eso pasaba.
The role of mother advocate lasted only for the first 6 months of the baby's life. When she started eating food, her weekends at home with her little sprout didn't seem so much fun anymore. That month she went back to her old behavior; going out to parties, drinking, dancing, arriving the next day. The responsibility of being a mother of such a small baby she felt she had already fulfilled, according to her the baby was ready for someone other than his mother to take care of him. Her argument was always the same: ''I am young, I also have to enjoy my life''. Argument with which my mother agreed and defended in front of everyone, since she was the one in charge of taking care of him. She didn't complain much, she didn't do it in front of me because she knew every single word that would come out of my mouth if that happened.
Así exactamente han pasado 3 años desde que mi madre decidió tomar la responsabilidad de cuidar a su nieto cuando ellos están ocupados viajando 3 o 4 días seguidos hasta una semana completa, cada fin de semana, en vacaciones, navidad y las demás festividades que ellos decidan celebrar. Quizás piensa que está realizando la mejor acción de todas al cuidar de su pequeño nietecito pero lo que mi madre no ha podido entender es que en realidad lo que ha hecho es seguir criando una hija que no asumirá las responsabilidades en su vida, que nunca podrá hacerse cargo de ella misma y mucho menos de su bebé. Sigue tomando las riendas de la vida de su hija como lo ha venido haciendo facilitándole su estilo de vida tan despreocupado, incentivando su comportamiento inmaduro, restándole su autoridad como madre. Un consejo de una tía que jamás olvidaré: ‘’se deben criar a los hijos de manera que aprendan a valerse por ellos mismos, se les debe enseñar independencia, si lo se hace, cargarás tú, como madre, con la pesada mochila de los deberes y va ser imposible librarte de ella’’.
So exactly 3 years have passed since my mother decided to take the responsibility of taking care of her grandson when they are busy traveling 3 or 4 days in a row up to a full week, every weekend, vacations, Christmas and whatever other festivities they decide to celebrate. Perhaps she thinks she is doing the best deed of all by taking care of her little grandchild but what my mother has failed to understand is that in reality what she has done is continue to raise a daughter who will not take on the responsibilities in her life, who will never be able to take care of herself let alone her baby. She continues to take charge of her daughter's life as she has been doing by facilitating her carefree lifestyle, encouraging her immature behavior, taking away her authority as a mother. A piece of advice from an aunt I will never forget: ''you must raise your children in such a way that they learn to fend for themselves, you must teach them independence, if you do so, you, as a mother, will carry the heavy backpack of duties and it will be impossible to get rid of it''.
Las imágenes son de mi autoria
The images are my own
Para la traduccion usé DeepL
For the translation I used the translator DeepL
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