“Learn to let go..”
I have been told that I hold onto things too tightly and I hold on longer than I should. I have been told that I feel things too deeply which is why it is difficult sometimes to let go.
But I have always had one question burning in my mind..
“When is the right time to let go?"
We are all being told every day not to get too attached and to pack up and leave when we feel like it is time to let go, but how do I know that it is time?
I recently cut ties with someone that I used to be friends with for a whole lot of reasons and I know now that this is something that I should have done a long time ago but I was unable to because as usual, I held on too tightly to the idea of a wonderful friendship that was one sided(I wasn't aware of it at that time) and I was afraid of losing a good friend.
In the beginning, all was good and fine as it always is. We'd spend long hours talking to each other on the phone and as they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. The distance only helped to push us closer. It was a period of joy for me because this person and I resonated and related with each other so well that I thought I had found my soulmate.
I was so happy that I was ready to tell everyone about this wonderful friend of mine who seemed like the perfect person for me.
This was during my teenage years, when I had just clocked 17.
Everything was fine until he disappeared one day without a trace. He didn't go missing, he just went MIA on the only social media platform that we used to talk to each other without a word. No heads up, no prior information about whatever was going on even though he wouldn't go into details about it.
Nope, instead all I was left with were the countless texts that refused to deliver and rising anxiety about what in the world might have happened to him.
He was gone for three good weeks until one day, I got a text from a strange number.
He had changed his number and desired that I trash the previous one as he wouldn't be using it anymore.
I was really confused about everything because he sounded so carefree when we spoke even when I asked him what happened and why he went off like that without even putting in a word.
All he did was wave off my worries and concerns by telling me that it was nothing serious, he had to work and that he's back.
I was really hurt because it wouldn't have cost him anything to pop in a quick text informing me of his absence rather than letting me swim in worry for three weeks.
I decided to let that slide and thinking back now, I realize that was my mistake.
After that first time, that became his pattern.
He'd delete his account without proper notice even in the middle of a conversation and then days or weeks later he'd pop up in my message box with a new number always with one story or the other without bothering to explain why he disappeared like that and claiming that I was thinking too much about it.
Deep down, I knew that something was wrong somewhere and till this day I still don't know exactly what is going on in his life and I really don't care anymore.
I confronted him about his behavior several times and at first he gave me a listening ear and explained that he preferred to use disposable numbers even though he had a personal number that he doesn't change often and I thought that he'd actually stick to one phone number, but he didn't!
It made me realize that he didn't value our friendship enough to stick with one phone number with me and he preferred leaving me confused every single time with his different phone numbers.
Later on he outrightly began to gaslight me and that was when I knew that I was holding on to something that was never there in the first place.
It wasn't even a relationship and I was already being gaslighted, I laughed a lot at the thought.
I noticed he was lying and trying to gaslight me and he actually didn't care. Realizing that made me understand a lot of things and I vowed to cut him off.
To my surprise he couldn't believe it when I hit him with the “let's not be friends anymore" text, because I thought he wouldn't even bat an eyelid and would probably have even not responded seeing as we had argued a lot because of his inconsistent behavior.
I couldn't put up with him anymore and I let him know that.
After telling him everything on my mind, I deleted his number and removed every trace of him from my phone and a strange wave of relief washed over me.
I didn't realize until the last minute that holding on to a friendship that was already broken was actually a burden to me and as soon as I cut him off, I felt happy.
It was really eye opening though it took me a while to get there.
I really hope that as I progress, I get to know instantly when it is time to get up and leave because holding on to something that doesn't want to work does nothing but burdens the heart and mind.
Images used are mine..
Your thoughts are highly appreciated..