From the hiatus that lasted almost six (6) months, I've been using less and less mainstream social media these days. I sometimes say, "I don't do social media!" or for the lack of a better word, I don't consume it. I post stories when I feel like posting one and that's it! No scrolling on random people's feeds who've turned pretty strangers to me now that I've missed almost six (6) months of their life updates.
Maybe it's for this lack of exposure to current events that I've missed some great content, too.
Mid this week, while doing my planning for February I've come across a vlog of Toni interviewing Maxene Magalona. I was the last person to leave the office and I couldn't stand the silence so I played random videos in the background. To my surprise, it wasn't so random at all. I felt targeted. My attention never left the vlog from start to finish; how could I when all it says was meaningful and in a way, reminded me to process some things that I might've been trying to push back a bit further away from my conscious mind? One takeaway was to allot time when you just be with yourself and ask how's your pain doing. I know, it sounds crazy but I'll never know if it'll work or not until I try it myself.
Last night, I had the chance to ask myself the terrifying question: "Hi pain, how have you been?" It's like a bucket of cold water was poured all over my body the moment I started asking myself that question. If there's one thing that's just scary as hell to do that's to sit down and drill down until you reach the core of pain, worry, or distress. Then my body and mind, as if in an orchestra, were in unison allowing me to finally feel what I'm supposed to feel without thinking twice, without restriction.
The first month of 2023 didn't start so well for me, but I didn't have time to process it, to process it to the point of exhaustion. I like that feeling after processing my thoughts and emotions thoroughly, that feeling that you've worked so hard your body's too tired to move and you just fall asleep and you wake up the following day, feeling all brand new. I love that feeling.
I know it takes a lot of effort to face some things in life without breaking a string of our sanity, but the more we disregard them, the more they'll haunt us when we least expect it.
So, what did pain say last night? Pain was a little fearful and, perhaps a little angry, but mostly fearful. I just wish she could be a little angrier; I think that'll help. Pain was afraid to start all over again; pain remembered how dreadful it was to start all over again. Pain is afraid that her perfect life will one day crumble to the ground and she'd have to build it from scratch on her own, again. Pain is afraid she'd settle for what's on the table never asking what she deserves because she's afraid she'd be left alone, again. Pain is afraid to be lonely.
The photos are from my trip to Tulang Diot, Camotes Island which reminds me that all might not start well but we all have the power to craft a better ending for our stories.