This is an issue that is as current and in trend as it is old (ancestral) and it seems unbelievable that even many family members are not very clear about it.

Consanguinity does not force you to agree or accept the way of thinking of your relatives, and much less gives them the right to decide how to live your life, it is not an obligation to accept situations that go against what you want.

Responsibility in the family is not transmitted genetically and much less when the complaint is present, negotiating under the table failure, NO progress, neither the support nor the impetus to move forward. They only stagnate you.

There are energies in families that subtract, never transform, never cut, never destroy, such as envy, guilt, arrogance, and drama that go nowhere in that transformation. What to do with those family energies? You have to face them or live with them.

How do you do it? I ask myself the same question

One thing, set clear boundaries, one of the most complicated or difficult areas for many, is to set boundaries with the family, many times they are clearer, keep them with the couple, friends or at work, it is never too late to start, try to make it clear what things you share and what are purely personal.

This allows family members to recognize your value, which maintains your self-esteem and self-confidence.

He who controls, does not live, survives. A simple thing, that we all need, is to ask for help and go to THERAPY, maybe because we did not have happy childhoods, everyone lives their drama in less or more intensity and that is valid.

By nature and by biology, human beings are conflicting and emotional, but when we make it CONSCIOUS, we can solve it and focus each one in their best leading role in this play called LIFE, otherwise, we are wasting our time.

And many families, from the ancestral point of view, in the tree of each family there are many repressed things and secrets. But that does not stop there, because our function is to uncover in order to heal and understand today.

That is why the ingrained FAMILY loyalties, which we all bring, do not allow us to give a solution to a conflict. What is kept in the tree, is repeated and suffered by the next generations.

It is important when we have conversations with our grandparents, uncles and aunts, to ask: How did our families behave before, if there was abuse, suffering, disloyalty, suicide, incest, murder, drugs, theft, depression, happiness, sadness? And so many things that we have to know and unravel all those knots.

I have been asking myself questions about everything for a few years now, and I have gotten many answers. Studying the tree allows clarity and is wonderful. Subjects we should be looking at in school that the "SYSTEM" does not like.

Warning signs in families that are abusive:

They live criticizing you (they are not pleased with what you do, they always expect more from you).

They don't validate your emotions (what you think or feel doesn't matter to them).

Furthermore, they want to control your life (decisions, partner, friendships).

They want you to be the way they want you to be (they force you to hide who you are by wanting you to lead a different life than the one you want to lead).

They encourage conflict (instead of mediating) they do not see you as a thinking and individual being (they believe they have the right to tell you what to do).

Therefore, you are not obliged to love them, it is healthy for you to identify the type of dynamic that exists between the members of your family, validate if they add to you, benefit you and gain mental health with them under the same roof or in your closest environment.

And many more families detract from your well-being, because they are abusive and hurtful.

They are members of your family community who exercise favoritism among the children and therefore arouse jealousy that is difficult to break, manipulate situations and want to make us responsible for their actions or roles they decided to choose.

They use phrases like "I never rebuilt my life for you" "I did so much for you" these are manipulative phrases where the only one responsible is the adult who has the power to choose and decided.

In spite of the existence of so much information, the subject is not clear. Family loyalties for generations keep us tied and anchored, many things must be changed and restructured for our welfare.

This phrase always accompanied me during my professional studies and my day-to-day life. But now with these new elements it comes to my mind: Am I doing enough, but that is another story with another title that I will write in my next post on hive.

What I find interesting is how these stories are interwoven in the family and how they are included in the uncomfortable conversations to solve the conflicts and not to have more repetitions in the tree (family clan).