The End of the Road - the ColoNOscoPY

Whatever happened these past few days?

I dropped off the face of the earth is what happened!

Being tossed around like a hot potato is exactly how I've been feeling and I'm still in recovery mode!

Sent from pillar to post - the family doctor to the man who likes to cut specialist surgeon, shoved into hospital for tests; one of which I swore I would never ever go again - the ColoNOscoPY!

Put up your hands if you've ever been subjected to that most awful procedure.

OK, so the procedure is not the problem, the shitty part is the PREP, literally!
Prepping for this at home a couple of years ago, was bad enough, but having to clear your colon and expel it in a public environment, has crushed my dignity beyond repair!

First up though was the CT scan where I was given two jugs, an iodinated contrast medium, and the other, plain water.
I am asked:

Are you allergic to Iodine?

Not as far as I know, says I, who am allergic to a plethora of medications.

I had an allergic reaction the night before from an anti-inflammatory that they thought would be safe, but when my left eye, yes only the left one, started itching, then bloodshot, followed by swelling, I knew this was another no-no med. The IV fluid was hastily pulled out, an Epinephrine injection was administered into my arm by the alarmed young nurse who had put up the IV.

I'd drawn up a list that I take with me when visiting any medical facility, that list is slowly getting longer so when they see it, they look at me as if I'm some kind of odd species!

Back to the CT scan which can have side effects I later learned, and experienced as well.

I had to wait over an hour in a small booth for that scan; why oh why did I leave my phone in the ward or not bring a book?
Thankfully another waiting-in-line patient joined me, and we soon learned we had something in common. She was much younger than me and lost her husband just a couple of months before I lost my darling man. We immediately formed a bond and had a good little group therapy session while waiting our turn.
She came out afterward and told me that it calmed her down while being pushed in and out of the scanner, as she was thinking of me. I did the same when I was repeatedly told by an unseen voice to:

Breathe in slowly, and hold your breath! Breathe out and breathe normally.

Rinse repeat, not sure how many times!

I had not eaten breakfast for this procedure, got back to the ward well past lunchtime, and was given a bowl of 'soup' that tasted like packet gravy, I think you may know what I mean. A friend had given me some nibbles, so I sneaked a small Lemon Poppyseed Muffin.

Guess what was the last thing I saw when the colon prep came to its final demise?
Poppy seeds of course ;)

Next on the menu were two one-litre bottles containing clear liquid - one was water, the other the nasty PEG-ES solution that flushes out EVeryTHing inside the colon.

I will not go into detail on that except to say it was pure hell that lasted till midnight.

Going for the procedure itself was an absolute pleasure, I was told by the man who likes to cut specialist that he would give me an injection that would make me feel 'nice', and I'd fall asleep. He had a kind of funny smile on his face, and I wondered if this drug would make me reveal all my deepest secrets!
I woke up in what felt like seconds and was wheeled back to the ward.

The story has a good ending; no nasties were found except for the small hernia that I knew about, that the man who likes to cut specialist wants to discuss with me, but I'm putting off any cutting, if it's needed, till next year. I've come to the conclusion that hospitals and me ain't good friends as I have another story to tell involving a helpless old lady, but will be airing it with the hospital, not here!

About the ColoNOscoPY, one thing I can tell you for sure is that my colon's flushing journey has come to the end of the road, and the only place where any flushing will be happening, is in the toilet!