Considering the size of the atomic bomb dad dropped at dinner, mom reacted rather well, all things considered.
After a short few moments of stunned silence, unbridled chaos broke out at the Hayward household.
Things were said like "How could you do this, without even consulting me?" and "We are supposed to make decisions like this together", blah blah adults blah.
I took this opportunity to slink off to my room to be alone, those words echoing in my head: "We. Are. Moving!!!".
I grabbed Stella on my way to my room, she protested slightly as I did but quickly gave up after I started scratching her belly. It always makes me feel better to pet her, Stella is kind of like my big furry stress ball. It helps me and she gets all the loving she could ask for. That's a win-win, unlike what I just heard at dinner.
The words echo again in my head. Dad's goofy grin frozen in my mind.
I sat down on my bed, in a huff. I bet it was more like an ungraceful 'collapsed on the bed, being overly dramatic' but whatever. Ughh. Stella shifted slightly in my arms and let out a little "Mrrrrrp" of annoyance by my sudden change from standing to sitting/slumping.
So many thoughts raced through my head. So fast, it was becoming a blur.
Things like Family. Hobbies. School. Friends... Well, not that I had too many of those.
I suppose I should take a moment during the chaos at the table and the chaos in my mind to tell you a bit about me and my life.
I told you a bit about my parents and our family before but I didn't tell you about myself. Which is kinda important. I guess?
I'd like to say "I'm just a normal girl, with a normal life" but I'd be lying and I don't like to lie. I don't really think there's a point in lying. Not to mention as ADHD as I am, if I did lie I'd forget to whom and what I said. So I just tell the truth.
Life is simpler this way but something interesting about people is: even though I tell the truth consistently, they still think I'm hiding something or have ulterior motives. They're always trying to "sus out what I really mean" or "figure out what I am actually up to". I don't quite get it but I guess it means other people lie a lot or something.
Must be nice not having ADHD. Not the lying part, the being able to remember enough stuff so you could lie. Well, I don't lie not just because of the ADHD but also because I think it's stupid to lie. I mean if you're not loved and respected for who you are, then you really don't need those people in your life anyway and if I lied, I'd have to keep up the fake image and that's way too much work and... oh. Sorry. ADHD running away again. This happens. A lot. You should probably get used to that.
Anyways.
I'm about to turn 15. I am a freshman at J Bowie High School and live in Shady Hollow. That's one of the suburbs of Austin, Texas. Nothing too special there. Moving on.
To be fair, I don't really fit in with most kids here. I do see the world a bit differently and I blame mom for this. I don't want to say I'm a "Goth Girl" or a "witch" like her. At the same time I'm certainly not one of the "normies". Bleh.
When I've thought about it, I guess I am a bit like my mom and I'm a little bit witchy? I dunno. It's hard to explain but I'll try.
I get "feelings" about things. I have dreams that are a little "too real". Sometimes, I feel like I see things out of the corner of my eye or hear my voice whispered when no one is around. Having ADHD, I can never fully trust my memory and will often have to backtrack things in my mind to be sure they actually happened...
One of the weirdest things was when I put a locket in my nightstand that my grandma gave me before she passed... and the next day it wasn't there. My mom found it a week later in our spare room where grandma stayed for a few months while in hospice. It was draped over one of the bedposts and I got blamed for it but I swear I didn't do that. I got lectured about leaving valuable items laying around that were irreplaceable and "how would I feel if I lost it".
I couldn't really say "But mom! I swear I put it up, I didn't move it!" because she'd say something all snarky like "Oh well I guess Stella moved it then", hmmm? Then she'd get even more frustrated with me and say things "you're just like your father, he'd forget to eat if I didn't help him pack his lunch!"... then she'd storm off in a huff, like most grownups.
Sometimes, on the rare occasion, when things are especially silent... it's like I can feel the Earth 'breathing'...? I don't even know if that's the best way to describe it. I just feel... connected... again, I-I-I dunno if that's even going to help you understand it. It's a vibe, ya know?
All of this, my hobbies, plus the nerdy things I like doing with my dad pretty much ensured I didn't fit in with most kids at my school. I made the mistake about telling some kids about these feelings before. I didn't live that down for over a year in Jr High.
The things I like doing are reading about nature, hiking, playing one of dads silly board games with him or him and his friends. I play some computer games with him too but he's pretty good and even though he occasionally lets me win, I can always tell when he does.
What I love... Is art. I don't really care about the medium. Drawing, painting, occasionally sculpting, photography - I REALLY LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY. My parents got me a nice camera, a Nikon D3500, DSLR when I turned 13. They said "Happy birthday honey!! We support you and your passions but when I wanted to upgrade my camera, I had to buy it... so either get famous or do some extra work around the house". At least I didn't have to get a job lol - have you SEEN the prices of cameras lately.
Then again, school wasn't a "social club" for me. I wasn't super athletic and I definitely wasn't one of those cheerleader types. I went. I studied. I loved Art Class. I got good grades. I went home. The. End.
Too weird for the girls. Not pretty enough for the boys. I saw people getting boyfriends and girlfriends but no one really seemed to like me... although no one really caught my eye, either. No biggie. Just gonna die alone I guess. Never get married. Alas. Woe is me. Pfft that's so dumb.
I like me. One day, someone will come along who'll like me too. Until then, I'll just make fun of all the other kids being so-o-o-o in love. Gross.
Speaking of "Social", of all the things I said, this might be the craziest: I am not a big fan of social media. There. I said it.
I do have an Instabook and a Pic Tok account but I'm not obsessed with them, like most of the others at school. Mostly I just post my artwork and phots on there. I get a few 'likes' here and there plus the occasional comment. Not famous yet, unfortunately.
Being strange, average and not glued to my phone makes me outcast number one, right here. Weirdo numero uno. That's right. Me. Brittany Hayward or as I prefer to be called by my friends; "Britters".
Although, to be fair only Jennifer and Ignacio call me that. They're about the only people I'd call "friends". Sure, I have plenty of acquaintances at school. You know, the ones you say "hey" to at lunch or give a little head nod as you pass in the hall.
But Jennifer, or Jenny as I call her and Ignacio who I call Ig... or Iggy if I'm teasing him, are my friends. Best friends.
Now I have to tell them I'm moving...
Stella leaps from my lap and gives me a glance over her shoulder as she struts out of the room.
Figures. Just when I needed her most. She is so soothing when I have her in my arms or on my lap. I love the feeling of her weight. Her warmth. Her purrs. Her soul. Yes. She has a soul. YES. I can feel it... and it makes me feel better, when she's around.
Now she's gone too.
Stella left me alone in my room. I am leaving my friends. My school. My Life.
This. SUCKS!