Everything is connected. All is one. The words echoed through my mind and seemed to move beyond me.
As my focus came back to the room around me, I realized I could hold on to this vibration without the same effort as before. I had become comfortable enough with the music that was everything around me to feel comfortable singing along at the right moments. I sat back in my chair with a smile. If the smile or anything else seemed out of place, I'd make it work somehow. I could do that.
I continued to enjoy the chorus of the sights and sounds and other consciousness around me. I enjoyed silently, waiting for the right moment to add my flavor into the mix in whatever way, big or small, loud or quiet. I thought of an orchestra, where all the instruments find balance with each other, giving each other time and space, pushing and pulling at each other. Any instrument could turn something simple into something incredible by adding just the right note or beat at just the right moment. I was an instrument and would continue to see myself as such from that moment on.
"Thanks for coming out with me, I really needed this."
“I didn't do anything, I was just there at the right time."
"That's exactly what I mean."
At that moment my phone rang. I picked it up and checked the display to see who was calling. Before I could read the name, the display started flickering and then went black. I turned it off and on again, fumbled around with it a while but it was clearly broken.
I laughed hard and showed my friend the phone. After rent, groceries and a few modest nights out a month, I usually managed to save 20% of my paycheck. I had previously decided it would be eight more months before I could feel comfortable setting off on my own adventures. I needed the phone for work and replacing it would set me back about two months. Who knew what other unexpected surprised might set me back even further. There would always be things trying to hold me back if I let them.
My friend smiled back at me, confused at why we were smiling. He had probably never seen someone so happy to lose such an expensive piece of technology, especially someone without much money to throw around on new cell phones. He looked at me like someone had just told a joke that went over his head. The smile hung on his face, not sure whether to stay or to leave as he waited for an explanation.
"I'm not going to buy a new phone. I'll hand in my resignation tomorrow, it's time."
"You sure? "
"So sure. I'm ready, whatever happens."
He still looked a bit wary, though a grin was fighting it's way on to his face. I tried to elaborate, not because I thought he needed the explanation, because it felt good and to show him he wasn't alone on the path he was choosing.
"I might run out of money in a few months and who knows if I'd be able to fall back on my parents if that happened. My company could just as easily go bankrupt in this economy, war could erupt, natural disasters could hit, illness could come at any time. There are so many unseeable misfortunes that could fall on anyone at any time, why wait for any of that? I've played it safe until now with absolutely nothing to show for it. If I don't shake things up, things are going to wear me down. I'm ready."
I was rehearsing, brainstorming explanations for anyone who might worry about me and my seemingly reckless decision. There was no way to explain the magic in the air that night to someone who hadn't felt it before. I had made a prayer and the universe had answered but I knew I'd need to choose my words when expressing such a miracle.
I could feel ripples in the air, just like ripples in the water. As we got up to leave, I saw an image of my cell phone, broken and rusty in a pile of garbage. I stepped outside into the cool autumn night. I could feel myself in many places and many moments.
"Thank you." I said, to no one and everyone at once.
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