For the umpteenth time I wrote these letters on white paper. Empty. Yes, the paper was empty after a few years ago scribbled with bitter ink. What I call the most beautiful memories, but now all of them transform into thorny piercings that are almost fragile. Until I allow it to be fragile, so that it will soon disappear from my memory. I hold the soul that I call LOVE, so that it remains an inhabitant in my rented heart. I hold the smile of the human being I have so that it beautifies this lonely valley of heart into a bundle of bianglala. I think I was wrong. The clasp of the LOVE is fading, it's gone. The smile was getting blurry as I sipped a cold coffee mug a long time ago.
I'm off!
I lost control!
I fell! It hurts!
I screamed like a raven, which raised its voice in the dark night.
I cried like a kid who lost his toy, or his meals.
I'll call you once in a while!
Occasionally I reach mom!
Sometimes I apologize to my mom!
But mother remains far from my heart. Stay in the corner of my hometown, and me. I'm in the corner of a city I call a lonely valley. It's a lonely valley that removes LOVE from my heart. The lonely valley that corners me continues to deepen, deep, and deep. Without illumination, without lanterns. But I still hold a stick that came down from heaven, Mother. That stick is mom.
In a lonely valley, I kept walking down the aisle. All I know is that time is like a train that just stops at the station. Once he leaves, then he won't care about the rest of his passengers. I don't want to! I don't want to miss that time. I get up and walk on the sharp pebbles that my feet have hit. Where to? For what? and to whom I will invest myself. God. God who will support me, my burden, my cries, as well as all that I carry with my soul that does not match HIM.
Keep going and keep going. Finally I found a drop of light to replace the loss of My Love. Friendship. This friendship that I really feel is just the first time. I think he is really confusing me. How can I not ?! I want to share love with him, but they present a little LOVE. Between the triangles I know will not find alignment. The friendship that seized my mind was not in line with my conscience. I was confronted by an intersection. Which direction will I tread? Or will I turn in the direction I have left?
“NO !!” I cried in my heart. I won't turn around anymore. I'll keep walking, walking and walking down the aisle. I'm sure the lane didn't fit in at all. True. That has not yet arrived.
Ah, I don't care about the friendship that took away my time. That puts the intersection in front of me. Just drive my way, I'll just continue to be the driver who drives my car. Long time no see. Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm full, sometimes I'm lonely. But wait!
Isn't there a drop of light that I can catch with my eyes. My smile was crisp when I met it was really light. The light that initially gave me warmth. The light that initially illuminated my path. The light I feel happy when he kisses my heart. The light that makes love to me. Isn't it happy? YES, I am happy for the presence of that light. The light I call Love. LOVE? love again. No .. this is not love. This is a drop of real light that I felt for a moment.
As time goes on but for sure. I felt again the dimness, the dimness of the light. It's getting darker, thicker. The light was gone, hovering over and over again. I searched until I reached the gap in the haystack, but I did not find it. I asked on the starry nights, he was still silent. Or that light offends another, knowing that my heart feels bland, bitter.
I sat lethargically watching the light illuminate the other heart. Up to this point the rain has given me no rain for just a glance. The branches that began to branch out the roots of love, are now crumbling again. Flowers that want to be kissed by the fragrance of the light of love, finally wither too. Until I woke up from my dream, and walked down the aisle. The tiny lights of love are just down to it. Let me bring with all my broken heart this walk to the head of the creator of Love. Because I know that holy love will focus on GOD.