A Valora Salinas story brought to you by UOW and written by:
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Valora stood on the balcony of her room, overlooking the city of Mexico City, Mexico. Taking a drink of the ever-present bottle of tequila with her she smiles as she looks over her city. Abbigail is there with her. In the room, Samantha sits at her laptop working on something. On the balcony is a third woman who is obviously a reporter of some sort. Abbigail breaks the silence. “So, umm you know Val?” The woman smiles and nods. “I do. At the risk of sounding like the old person trying to sound cool. I knew Valora before she was famous. Cleveland, Ohio. That’s where the fed was based.” Abbigail fails her will save and lets out her inner fan girl. “Oooo! You totally have to tell me what match really put her name on the map!”
The reporter thinks. “Fine… but you give me an exclusive interview. I can add both you and Valora to my internet video channel.” Abbigail laughs. “You wanna interview me?! Done!” Valora pinches the bridge of her name and sighs softly but takes another drink to cut off her remarks, listening to her guests for the moment. “Yeah, Jane... Tell her…”
Jane looks back at Valora and then turns to Abbigail. “Know what a Texas Death Match is? Cause I sure as hell didn’t. Valora had to explain the concept to me. Anyways, Texas Death match for the Hardcore Title. Party in the Plaza 2009, Her opponent wore a metal suit to protect him. These two fought literally all over the arena even outside... See the event was in the plaza outside of Progressive field. Valora and her opponent fought all over the ringside area, the concession stands… Even the street... Justin Evers tossed Valora through the plate glass window.”
Valora smirks. “I won by electrocuting his ass. Medics showed up. I used a defibrillator on him. Passed out from loss of blood right after my hand was raised.” Abbigail turns to Jane who nods. “Most people who were there were sure two wrestling careers had ended.” Abbigail gives a whistle of amazement and Valora takes a drink from her tequila. “But you didn’t come here to talk about the past, right? You’re here about that pendejo Sato and the violence I plan to unleash on him at Ultra Slam 2.”
Abbigail moved off to the side to watch and Jane smiled. “Hey, Abbigail. Since you’re here, you can help out. Wanna be my camera girl?” Abbigail nodded and took the iPhone, and Jane showed her how to put it in movie mode and record. Abbigail sat back down and got the right angle and gave Jane the thumbs up as she started recording.
“This is Jane Coughlin, Freelance reporter. I am here with a tried and true, proven legend of Professional Wrestling, Valora Salinas. Valora, thank you for taking time to talk to me tonight.”
Valora shrugged and took a drink from her tequila. “Mmhmm. Pleasure as always, I’m sure. So whatcha feel the need to ask first?”
Jane, unphased and thoroughly used to Valora’s personality, continues. “Well, before we get to your upcoming match, let’s start with the basics. You are...” Jane hesitates for a moment as she tries to find a way to phrase this without offending Valora, who smirks. “I believe the word you’re looking for is. ‘Old’ yes?” Jane clears her throat and nods. “I would say you’ve had a long and very successful career. In fact, it could be argued that you are in a spot now where you have nothing to gain and everything to lose from continuing your career. Any wins, even title wins are merely ‘as expected’ while any potential loss would be a huge upset. Given your legendary status, why keep fighting?”
Valora shrugs. “I’ve been Submission champion for a good long while now. I’ve never really been known as a submission fighter. In point of fact, most of my career I have been derogatorily referred to as a ‘Garbage Wrestler.’ So, I’d argue that I can still add to my legacy. Also… what can I say, I like fighting. As for my age... I’ve proven I can hang with the kids and teach them a thing or two. So as long as I’m having fun and can keep up… why the fuck not?”
Jane, unphased, moves to her next question. “Alright. I want to get to your next opponent but that is caught up in your team, so I’m going to start there. When I knew you, you were a loner. Famous for your saying ‘Don’t Trust Anyone.’ It seems you’ve changed that mentality. Is this a change age has forced you to make or just an evolution? I’m also sure you are aware of some of the rumors on the internet.”
Valora takes a drink of her tequila, setting the bottle on a small table next to her as she nods. “Well lemme clear shit up. Abbs? She’s like my little sister. Samantha is also like a sister to me. Yes, I know by my philosophy that means that some fucking shitheel like The Little Yellow Bastard might try to use them against me. Trust me, anyone that fuckin’ dumb will pay the price. The Little Yellow Bastard Takuma Sato began to learn that lesson at Gang Wars. At Ultra Slam, Imma gonna give him a P.H.D in ‘I got beat bloody by Valora Fuckin’ Salinas.”
Jane nods. “We’ll come back to your team in a second, but let’s hit this point. You and Takuma Sato were once allies. Now it seems you’re bitter enemies. Also, are you not worried about the PC police being so openly racist against your opponent?”
Valora smirks. “I’m not callin’ him yellow because he’s part Jap. I’m calling him yellow because he’s a fucking coward. I don’t give a fuck that he’s a bastard. I don’t give a fuck that his mother is too embarrassed by the bullshit fuckin’ fake honor society of a group of criminals whose best heist by far was the steal the legacy history of men and women many times better than they will ever hope to be. I don’t give a fuck about his personal bullshit or any of the million and a half fuckin’ excuses he’ll make when I take out back and double tap him in the head at Ultra Slam 2.”
Valora narrows her eyes as she shifts in her seat, setting the tequila bottle on the table next her as she leans forward. “Here’s the thing. Imma come back to Takuma ‘Mommy doesn’t love me’ Sato in a moment. But since I know you’re going to ask it. Let me start with why Abbs and I didn’t team. Firstly, it would do Abbs more harm than good. I would overshadow her, and she would be blamed by fans and the press for our every loss. So, I wanted her to get out there and see if she found someone else, she wanted to try and mesh with. Her and Sato made a good team I thought. Then he decided to throw that away with the illusion that he’s an honorable man. See, he wanted to join a group of dipshit rebels without a fuckin’ clue. I told him it was a bad idea. That I knew Ares Metaxas and he’s just a thug that uses revolution to justify his shit. Abbigail took my advice. He didn’t. Furthermore, he decided to break my arm. Fine. Not the first time someone took a cheap shot at me… then he fought my protege and decided he was going to try and humiliate her.”
Valora’s lets out a small laugh and shakes her head. “He’ll learn that you really should be careful what you ask for. He wanted my attention. He’s got it. He wanted me to focus on him. Done. Now, he’ll count himself lucky if I don’t end his fuckin’ career at Ultra Slam 2.”
Jane nodded, unphased. After all, she had a lot of experience with Valora before. She had seen Valora through most of her many iterations. With the calmness born of familiarity, she followed up. “Well, to play devil’s advocate. One could say your protege inserted herself into a budding feud between you and Sato and Sato didn’t do anything you yourself haven’t done to countless fighters before. I also want to explore this fake honor concept you have mentioned a couple times. You have spent some time wrestling in Japan and likely have fans there. Can you explain the fake honor thing? Or are you willing to risk alienating Japanese fans?”
Valora smirked and let out a small laugh. “Jane. I’ve never cared about trying to please fans. Truthfully, I think that’s why I’m popular. You can’t please everyone all the time and if you try and plan your actions and words on what you think and hope the fans will like... You come off as fake and fans see right through that shit. I’m me. Like me. Hate me. Love me, worship me, burn effigies of me. I don’t give a fuck. Now, onto the fake honor thing as it applies to Mr. Sato and applied to the nation of Japan but is becoming much less of an issue.”
Valora pauses here for a moment, thinking, trying to find the right words to make this concept more understandable. “Firstly, this fake honor shit applies in large part to the U.S. too. That will come later. First, I’ll tell you what I mean about fake honor then go into how it applies to the people.
Fake Honor is all about the appearance of honor. Not actual honor. Kronin Reinhardt is a honorable man. He will always do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do, even if it is to his detriment to do so. I have mocked him for it. I damn sure don’t get it, but I have a respect for the man for it. He has his rules and won’t break them. I can respect it even if I don’t agree with or understand it fully. Fake Honor is saying the words. You go through the motions, you say the words, but behind the scenes, you’re just as fucking dishonorable and cutthroat as everyone else. Basically. Think of the Scillian/Italian Mafia, the Japanese Yakuza and the like. They want you to think they are men of honor. Men who live by a code. They’re full of shit. They are thugs, killers and scumbags with delusions of grandeur. Maybe at the beginning there was some semblance of honor, or a desire to protect their people, or whatever but today? Fake. Honor. So. How does this apply to Japan? Everything from the Samurai defending a classist, elitist system and trying to stop the frankly amazing progress Japan made as a nation during the Meiji reforms. I mean... Think about it, Jane... in about 20-30 yrs or so Japan jumped forward some 300 yrs or so... It’s amazing. Sure, they hired foreign experts to teach them. Then they learned and made the shit their own. Now, also..,fake honor has happened in the nation of Japan through their xenophobia, institutionized racism, institutionized sexism, and a system of discipline focused around not correcting a child because they had done something wrong and explaining why something was wrong, but because the bad behavior made the parents look bad. Fake honor. Do this. Don’t do this or you’ll make me look bad. How could you fail your class, don’t you know how embarrassing this is for your father and me? All of this is fake honor, and it is... In a word, bullshit.”
Valora leans back and stretches here. “Now, Takuma Sato. Used to have a degree of honor. He was someone I trusted. Someone I counted as an ally. Someone I thought made a good tag team partner with Abbigail. Now? He’s all about himself. But he can’t be honest and admit he’s the selfish pendejo he’s become so he wants people to think he’s a man of honor still. Never mind he hired mercs to break my arm. Never mind he screwed over his partner. Never mind he sided with a group of rebels without a clue that will do nothing but make McStrump’s claims easier. They play right into the fascist narrative of anarchists and criminals and domestic terrorists… but Takuma Sato is an honorable man. Pay no attention to the scared, cowardly little shit behind the curtain. Takuma Sato, as we all know, is a honorable man.”
Jane smirks. “Channeling Mark Antony from Julius Caesar” Valora shrugs. “Gotta appreciate the classics. But it applies here. Takuma Sato talks a good game, but he takes short cuts. He’s left the path of honor and now views victory as the end all be all. Now, mark my words, he’ll call me out for the same thing but the difference between us is simple. I never claimed to be an honorable person. For most of my career, I was definitely win at all costs.”
Jane decides to throw a curveball here and nods. “In the U.S. those opposed to McStrump have rallied to your banner. But you are also a citizen of Mexico, and if rumors are to be believed, you even own property in Barcelona, Spain. I find that last one especially interesting given your repeated criticisms of Spanish conquest, colonization and occupation of Mexico. Have you changed your views on Spain, and do you consider yourself American? Mexican? Spanish? Takuma Sato and his fans might well say that he and his fans know his background. American and Japanese.”
Valora narrows her eyes. “Firstly, in terms of European football, or soccer to Americans, my favorite European team is Barcelona. Secondly, Catalonia, the country Barcelona is the capital of, actually brought me out there for a bit to consult and advise them on how best to separate themselves from the Fascist Pendejos in Madrid.” Jane nods. “That appeared to not work.” Valora shrugs. “I know this will come as a massive shock to people, but it turns out I’m not a politician. Admittedly, I also was not expecting Madrid to send in police with nightsticks either. I call them fascists for a reason.”
Jane smiles. “That might be the first time I’ve heard you admit you’re not good at something. You’ve always been a confident person. Some would even say arrogant. Not me though, you’ve always backed up your ability in the ring. That being said. You’re over 40 years old, Valora. Fighting a man that is, quite literally, young enough to be your child. Can you really keep up with him? Are you not worried about the possibility of losing your submission title?”
Valora smirks. “You know, I remember when I was the young upstart. I honestly never thought I would see the day that I was the ‘old guard’ as it were. Mi madre always had a saying Jane. ‘Age is just a number.’ I might be 40 years old, but I’m still in pretty damn good shape. I also have the edge of experience. Also, Takuma Sato doesn’t realize it yet, but he’s walking into a no-win situation. Another reason I’m confident. There is literally no bad result for me.”
Jane clears her throat. “You could tap out for the first time in your illustrious career. Losing the match isn’t a bad result?” Valora laughs a bit at this as she stands up, pacing a bit. “I won’t tap. He might beat me, but he’ll have to knock me out to do it. If he beats me, I’m free to go after the Franchise title. So, I either beat him, retain my title and continue building a record setting reign or I lose and can make a play for the top title in our fed. Either way, I win.”
Jane nods. “I think that is good ending point for right now. Thank you for taking some time out to answer some questions. Best of luck to you at Ultra Slam 2. I look forward to seeing how things play out. “ Valora nods and stands up as the interview ends. The last point she made hanging in her mind. It was true, of course. Valora was in a win win situation. Whether he had meant to or not, Anderson had put Valora in a prime position. Either she wins the match and her streak as champion, combined with beating a Franchise title contender in Sato, combined further with the absolute embarrassment and failure that was Huckleberry meant she had a chance to push for a Franchise title shot and become a double champion. Even if she had to relinquish one of the titles, it would still be an amazing cap on a career that was much closer to its end than Valora was comfortable admitting. On the other hand, a loss gave her carte blanche to focus completely on the Franchise title. Valora sighed, giving her trademark smirk as she closed her eyes. “One more run. Just one more time atop the mountain.” She muttered to herself under her breath in Spanish She took a deep breath and turned to watch as Abbigail and Jane spoke, getting set up for the second interview of the night.