I had so much fun asking my fellow writers on Steem "who wore it better" last week that I decided to do it again. I've got two versions of the same 50-word story below. I was just about to publish the first one as a standalone and then I thought it might work better if the dialog is flipped.
You decide. Which version is better?
Image source: Pixabay
The Hitch Hikers (version 1)
Jenny shuffled along the highway, tired already. “Who started that expression?”
Declan looked up from the dust and stones. “What?”
“A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.”
“Lao Tzu.”
“Gesundheit.”
Declan laughed. “Only 900 to go.”
Disheartened, Jenny watched their lift disappear down a side road.
The Hitch Hikers (version 2)
Jenny shuffled along the highway, tired already.
Declan kicked up dust and stones. “Who started that expression?”
“What expression?”
“A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.”
“Lao Tzu.”
Declan laughed. “Gesundheit.”
Disheartened, Jenny watched their lift disappear down a side road. “Only 900 to go, then.”
Thanks so much for reading! I love micro-fiction, and the challenge to write succinctly. This story is not exactly "high drama," and not a lot happens. I wanted to capture that moment when a shift occurs. The hitch hikers have been dropped off, as the driver of the car they were riding in must head in a different direction. One of the hitch hikers feels up to the challenge of continuing on the journey, and the other does not. The conflict between the two points of view is resolved when Jenny attempts to make light of the fact that their long, hard journey has only just begun.
I wrote this story for the "journey" prompt of this week's 50-word short story contest. I run the contest, so I am participating just for fun. I do love this challenge!
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : https://jaynalocke.com/2019/01/05/the-hitch-hikers-micro-fiction-who-wore-it-better/