A lot of people don't know me as a uniform personnel. Unless you see me dressed in my uniform you can hardly tell I am a uniform personnel. I remember when I first got the job, I refused to pick up my appointment letter because I was in love.
My father had to call a family meeting and announce to them that I don't want to pick up my appointment letter because of love and the family asked to know who the unfortunate lover was馃槃. Funny enough, the relationship died before I finished my six months induction training.
The first time I drank alcohol was as a uniform personnel. In the fourth month of training, we were paid three months' salary at once and some guys decided it was time for us to flex. I hung out with my crew and everyone ordered a bottle of alcohol except me. They wouldn't let me drink malt and so they ordered a bottle of Smirnoff ice for me. I told them severally that I have never tasted alcohol but they encouraged me that there is always a first time. Half way through the bottle I was laughing hysterically. By the time the bottle was empty, I had dozed off on the table. One of them had to carry me home.
My first time drinking alcohol wasn't as bad as my second time. My second time I tried to prove that I could finish two bottles of Smirnoff ice. I wanted to be a bad girl. Some colleagues from a sister agency had taken me out for some barbecue and the fish was so delicious that I told myself two bottles of Smirnoff ice was perfect. I don't know how I got back home but the story I heard the next day was that I was desperately begging the one that drove me home to make love to me in my bed.
Being a female officer comes with its perks. The free rides and lots of compliments. I remember during the COVID 19 lockdown, we were dispatched to various stations to enforce the lockdown. I was in charge of a two way street. There were three of us posted there and we were all females. I was the most senior officer but also the only single one. All through the task, I never wore my rank. We would stop and search cars wanting to pass and enquire to know if they meet the criteria of those allowed movements.
Every sachet water truck that passes for delivery must drop a pack for us to taste and make sure it was good water. Every lorry with loaves of bread that passed dropped bread else they won't pass. Each day I went home with so many loaves of bread and bags of water 馃槃馃槃. Some days we were lucky to see those supplying other food items like eggs, custard and even women coming from the market with tomatoes and so on. On days like that, I never worried about what to eat when I got home because we arrested enough items to be tasted馃槣
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Another funny thing that happened during that period was how we made money. As a young beautiful female officer standing under the sun, most vehicles stopped even before I stopped them. The men would be like,"You are too fine to be standing under the sun. Give me your number so I can call you later in the evening and take you out. Just for you to relax after the day's stress". I would reply that I need to ask my senior if I am allowed to give out my number.
From where I was standing I would raise my voice and call on my other colleague who is my junior. I'll be like, "My Oga (senior colleague), this man wants to collect my number. Should I give it to him?" My colleague would respond, "Be guided. Don't you know you are on duty? How dare you give out a number on duty?馃槃 Ti which i would respond, "Sorry sir!". I'll then turn to the man asking for the number and tell him to plead with my "Oga* if not no number for him.
The man would say to my "Oga", 'Take it easy now, she is a young girl,let me have her number ". My colleague will think hard and then respond, "Okay but you see,we have been here since morning and we are not smiling under this sun. Drop something for the number "馃槃馃槃
That's how some days we would make as much as $60 just from number collection. At the end of the three weeks lockdown, I made a total of $200.
We even had days that some guys brought food for us. One guy was constantly bringing breakfast for us because I promised him that once the lockdown was over I would date him. 馃槣.
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After the lockdown was over, my line was buzzing non-stop. My colleagues that shared the money with me were having their peace in their husband's houses.
Life as a uniform personnel has so many funny moments. I hope to continue to share some of these moments with you.
Until I come your way again, this is Week 3 of The COMedy Rumble. Keep rumbling.
