Cornerstone

We seriously need a change of perspective. The way we're going now, as a species, is straight towards total ecocide, complete atomization, obliteration of community, and the total destruction of what it means to be human. We've been fooled into believing that we live in the world of the one, when it should be obvious that we live in the world of the many.

Ronald Reagan once said: "The family has always been the cornerstone of American society. Our families nurture, preserve, and pass on to each succeeding generation the values we share and cherish, values that are the foundation of our freedoms." The family as the cornerstone of society; many countries and cultures have similar sayings and they all mean the same. They all mean to say that the family is a reflection of society, that parents pass on to their children the values, rules and morals that were impressed upon them by their parents. Get enough parents together in the same country, the same society, and you see that parents pass on to their children the values, rules and morals given to them by that society. The problem is that this seized to be true a long time ago.

We teach our children to be honest, to help those in need and to share whatever they can spare with their friends. If we see one child hoarding all the toys, we're quick to reprimand them to let the other children play too. If we live in a Christian society, we instill in our children the values of Jesus Christ, perhaps the mos generous and unselfish character, fictional or real, in the history of narratives. Now ask yourself: is our western capitalist, highly individualist, profit driven society anything like that? Not a chance. No, we grow up and soon discover that that we live in a society that doesn't help those in need, doesn't share anything it can spare, and certainly doesn't allows all its children to play. The values, rules and morals we were taught as children are exactly opposite to those of our society. It's no coincidence that progressive idealism is found mainly among the young, and it's also no surprise that many gradually shed their idealistic worldviews while growing up.

There's one aspect of western parenting that's true to the shape of western society, and that's its individualistic nature. You see, we find it normal that children are raised by their own parents, that children are, essentially, the property of their parents, to be shaped by them alone. I've seen this get worse during my lifetime. I was born in Suriname, South America, where the norm was much different; children there were raised by the entire family, with all parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews and nieces; raising children was a community effort, and the values I described above had much more meaning and emphasis in that environment. But even here in Europe, The Netherlands, if I and my friends played soccer out on the street, and we accidentally kicked the ball through a window, or dented a car with it, it was completely normal and accepted that the owner of the window or car grabbed us by the neck and painfully guided us to our own homes, rang the doorbell and explained what happened to our parents. And our parents would apologize for our behavior and promise they would punish us so it wouldn't happen again. If I were to do that now, the parents would kick me in the butt and protect the child. There's no community left. None.

The family is the cornerstone of society because it is the smallest society and the first society we get acquainted with. To see how that first society could be totally different from what is the norm now, let's look at some indigenous people who haven't forgotten how it should be done. In those tribal societies the upbringing of children is done by the community. Children aren't seen as possessions to be shaped but treated as equals, and they still grow up with a deep respect for their elders. Wealth is often not measured in possessions or money, but by what you're able to share and the stories that go along with it, how you were able to gather so much from the natural surroundings. Justice is not defined by retribution or punishment, but by redemption and your ability to reconnect to and reintegrate in the community; there are no outcasts. A society with such a cornerstone looks completely different; Maslow's hierarchy is traversed by the community as a whole, not as atomized individuals. Linked above is a video with an example of such a society, and linked below is a video with a heart-wrenching message from an idealistic progressive child who feels alienated from his conservative parents. Pleas watch them both; the contrast between these opposing views on society and individuals is stark and should get you thinking about how we've taken the wrong path...

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