For those who do not understand, coping with anxiety and depression is a debilitating, destructive sickness that although may be hide-able, doesn't just disappear and things go back to normal.
It is something you deal with every day, all day. It is something that crushes your goals and dreams. It is something that forces you to push away those you care about. It forces you to stop caring about yourself...
I have struggled with this sickness for years, brought on by overloading, pushing myself to hard towards my dreams. I imagine there is more to it, but as most of us are, we have trouble identifying what exactly went wrong...
People think that because i'm not shaking uncontrollably and huffing into a bag that I am OK. I'm Really NOT.
You see I have my panic attacks before seeing you. before leaving the house I freak out, I hyperventilate, and many times, I am brought to my knees, paralyzed in that moment. I also vomit quite often when this happens...
The drive over is no better. Constant fear rides shotgun wherever I go. I worry how I look or sound. I worry about what to say, if I should say it, and how to jump into the conversation. The sickness destroys your ability to converse, which, destroys your own friendships....
Everyone you know is fighting a battle you may know nothing about! I have heard this statement many times over the years but it is very truthful. It may be disease, it may be financial difficulties or it may be and invisible, relatively unknown sickness like Anxiety and Depression.
To give you a brief statement on the two, Anxiety is the fear you have for the task at hand. And you can't get it out of your head, it is all you can think about. Depression is like being hard on yourself for the situation you are in. You know you had no control over it, but you let it pick away at your mind until you are numb. You no longer care.
Having both together is a nightmare as you don't care, but you care so much it hurts you physically and emotionally. Together, anxiety and depression is a nightmare with no chance of waking up. You are forced to endure, to survive, to be stronger. In the end, all you want is to make it through the day...
It forces you to cancel plans, or to not make any whatsoever. Even things you know you would enjoy, you have so much fear that you turn down the opportunity. You come across as an asshole, when really, you are just struggling to keep your composure.
Others think you are odd, and judging every word from their mouths when actually, you are in awe that they can converse like second nature. Then you feel the shame for yourself not having that ability anymore...
You come across as an asshole because you take to long to answer texts, or don't always return phone calls. In actuality you are freaking out over the thought of it and can't decide what to say. You weigh every possible outcome in you head like your life depends on it.
All in all, you work life suffers, as does your social life and even family life. You don't know what a person is dealing with or why they are so remember this. Remember to be kind and compassionate because it goes further than you could know. And as you have heard before, Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about...
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