I have ears and eyes, and I am aware that the world is heterogeneous. In recent years, I also became aware of how many fakes, lies and manipulations there are in the world. Not the very fact of the existence of this phenomenon, but its scale.
Russia has been preparing for this war for many years, including in the information sphere, and it succeeded well. So there is no surprise that there are people who ... how to say it... who have a different point of view. Like someone named 
Anyway. This post is about wanting to believe.
To those who believe that not everything is so clear. Because no one can know the truth. Because in a conflict, two people are always to blame. Because we need to stop the senseless and endless flow of cruelty and violence - and for this we just need to stop shooting, or at least stop showing war on TV. I believe what I want to believe because it allows me not to think or worry.
Ukrainians are lucky to have a beautiful and rich land as their homeland. Everything else they achieved by their own hard daily work. I will not stop repeating - we do not need someone else's, but we will stand and fight for our own.
I am more lucky than 10.5 thousand civilian Ukrainians because I am alive.
I am more fortunate than the 4 million Ukrainians who lost their homes, and than the 6.5 million who became refugees.
I am not in those 37% of Ukrainians who lost their business or job because of the war. Lucky me!
Should I feel guilty about it?
Should I feel guilty for everything that makes me happy now? For learning how to live in these new circumstances?
As I said, it's about wanting to believe. So it's up to you what you believe in.
I myself had a few wonderful days spent with my mom and my daughter. I finally met with my brother and nephew, I miss them so much. Yes, I can afford train tickets. Moreover, I can afford a taxi to the railway station. And a pizza with a glass of wine at a restaurant with my daughter. While I was visiting my family, Ukraine survived 3 mass shelling. Just in case someone misses it. I got used to it somehow (people get used to both good and bad), but some friends of mine reported that they had the scariest night since the beginning of the war because several Russian missiles hit the thermal power plant. It's almost destroyed. On the same night, while I was absent, the debris of the Russian rocket fell in the park near my house in Kyiv. Today I am back home. While I was taking a shower there were several loud explosions nearby and mobile and Internet went off. Another ballistic attack.
I don't know what you are expecting from me. Go crazy with fear. Commit suicide. Cry your eyes out. I am sorry if I disappoint you. But today I am going to cook something tasty for dinner because my husband returned home safe and sound while I was absent. He returned from another military mission in the very east of Ukraine, and I miss him a lot. It will be a happy meeting and I don't feel guilty about this.
The truth is that sometimes we laugh, eat delicious food, go for a run or to the gym. Even travel. Buy new clothes and get a hair cut. These are the same people who feel anger and rage, sorrow and pain when they see the dead and wounded, civilians and soldiers. These are the same people whose relatives are fighting to protect their homes. The same people who never tire of helping. I'll tell you a secret - we are all afraid of rockets - those who hide in shelters and those who continue to work at the laptops. And even those who wear protective helmets and body armor. They have neither a halo nor a crown of thorns.
Back to where I started.
For some, reality is so simple to explain that through the prism of the fictional complexity of digital reality, it's almost incomprehensible. The only way to reconcile such a reality in the digital world of fakes is to refuse proof.
But for those who are still doubting or envying I say - WELCOME TO UKRAINE! Feel free to come over and try this piece of cake. I can be your guide.
Considering all above, it would be unfair not to say how much I appreciate the help and support of all my friends here.
THANK YOU
I used some formulations authored by Valery Pekar because they reflect my own thoughts.
