Author's Note:
LoL, just trolling ya Inkwell. Don't worry, this story falls just rightly under community guidelines.
Also, a word of notice to readers, this short fiction has been heavily inspired by a very popular children's TV show. So don't be surprised or alarmed by the easter eggs and references used.
Ultimately, it's a goofy story I had fun writing!
"Ahh... emtpy, cold, dark, alone, and on the verge of collapsing. It will seem as though you and I are not so different afterall old friend." a somber voice sounded from deep within the darkest trenches of the Guum Bucket restaurant — the cafeteria .
For as long as anyone could remember, not a single customer had stepped foot into the Guum Bucket supreme — especially ever since that terrible tragedy which occured about five years ago — the very one that brought about numerous controversies, speculations, and a seriously heavy lawsuit for the restaurant.
Apparently, as the story would go, there was this old chap who, for some unknown reason, decided to try out the menu of the Guum Bucket; consequentially, this unlucky customer would go on to eat the daily special — A Guumburger and Guum shake — and immediately, suffer a major cardiac arrest that resulted in his death.
Now, it's not at all certain what caused that customer's untimely death, but paramedics strongly believe it was the Guum he ate that killed him.
"Alone... ahhh... So alone in this miserable world." mumbled the voice again. Then suddenly, the sound of wheels squeaking on the floor began crescendoing from the end of the cafeteria and before the wailing voice could even realize it, the lights of the cafeteria where flicked on.
"Ah! The light it burns! Damn it Claren, what now? Can't you see I'm whallowing?!!" the little, green looking amoeba fellow raged, as he tried shielding his face away from the light with his tiny little hands.
"Let me guess... Another day, another failure huh?" replied a tall and skinny looking computer lady, with two hands, a monitor for a face, and wheels for legs.
"I'm serious Claren, turn them off! God, I can't stand the sight of this wretched restaurant!" the ameoba implored.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Claren sacarstically . "You mean turn them off like this?"
And just like that, with a flick of button, Claren made the room much more brighter which of course only vexed the little green fellow further.
"Ahhh! My eyes! It burns!" he screamed and began throwing a huge tantrum.
"Argh... come with Nelson." Claren said as she grabbed the amoeba with her two fingers and sat him on top her monitor. "Let me show you something".
Soon, the two of them wheeled away from the kitchen and went upstairs to the kitchen/lab.
"Arghh... What a dump. When was the last you cleaned this place anyway Claren?" remarked Nelson.
"Oh no you didn't..." the computer raged. "Nelson J. Shaton — you ungrateful little amoeba! So you expected me to have cleaned all those dangerous chemicals and equipments of yours, ALL BY MYSELF, while you wollowed in grime and filth for three months in that cafeteria?..."
"Well..." mumbled Shankton. "Not if you're were gonna make a big fuss over it."
"Okay that's it!" Claren said as she flicked plankton off the top of her monitor, down to the cold hard floor.
"Oww..." grumbled Shankton.
"Ha!" scuffed the computer. "Now that's what I call rock bottom!"
"Okay enough!" commanded Shankton. "Now you must tell me at once why you brought me to this wretched lab of mine."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Overlord!" Claren remarked sacarstically, chuckling at heart.
"Karen?..." muttered a now enraged Shankton.
"Okay okay... Jeez Hun! Don't go blowing another gasket." Claren implored. "Look, the thing is, I've been worried about you that's all. You haven't left that cafeteria in three months! Look, I know it's been hard but..."
"Enough!" cut in Shankton. "If all you've brought me here to do is sympathize — something I'm certain I never programmed you to do — then... I might as well just get back to my whallowing .
"Oh... You ungrateful little..." said an angry Claren. "Look... If you don't want sympathy fine, but if you're just gonna stay in that cafeteria all day feeling alone and sad for yourself then no! I can't allow that."
"You see these Nelson? You see all these things!" said Claren as she brought out a box filled with different inventions and gadgets from Nelson's past.
"What? You mean these ghastly objects of mine that only remind me of my past failures and unfortunate endeavors?...What about em?" replied Nelson sacarstically.
"Yes... Exactly!" Claren replied. "Each of them are a reminder of NOT only your past failures, but ALSO a reminder of your ever so burning persistence to get that formula you're so darn obsessed with."
Claren then paused momentarily and gave a warm smile to the Nelson.
"You might be a failure dear, but your certainly not a quitter." she said.
"Ahh... " sighed Shankton. "Your wrong, I'm both of those things! After countless years and years of being foiled by that blasted krustacain, Flabs, I can't go on with it any of it anymore Claren... I just can't!"
"Hmm... That what I thought." scuffed the computer. "Ohh... Just take a look at my screen you whiny little loser"
Claren then changed her monitor screem to show a picture of some sort of Sponge person, alongside several entries of detailed and calculated data concerning his being.
"What?... Spongehead Brownpants?" scuffed Shankton. "What does this buffoon have to do with any of this?" he asked.
"Well, if you must know..." the computer replied. "After carefully analyzing the statistics, about 99% of my data suggests that you've failed to acquire the flabbypatty formula every single time, because you keep on butting heads with Flabs."
"Clearly, Flabs is just way to "big* and clever for you..."
"Ludicrous..." remarked Shankton nonchalantly.
"Okayyy..." muttered Claren. "Look, if you really want an chance in getting that formula, then you're gonna have to go with the numbers. My data shows that there's a 50% success rate if you go through the Flab's fry cook instead, Spongehead. And there's an even higher success rate of 85%, if you follow this next plan."
"Okay, so what's the plan?" asked an unamused Plankton.
"Argh..." scuffed Claren. "Just look at the monitor".
Claren then began playing a video on her screen. It was a secret cam footage of Spongehead singing a song while Jamfishing in Jamfields.
"Oh hardi haha, good one Claren. Now what's the real Plan?" Shankton remarked.
"Shhh..." replied Claren. "Just listen."
Then, as Shankton continued listening carefully to the lyrics of the song Spongehead sang cheerfully, he soon realized something unbelievable.
"Unbelievable!" exclaimed Shankton!
"He's singing the ingredients of the secret formula but censoring the important parts!"
"Precisely!" Claren remarked. "And apparently, he does this every other day at Jamfish fields. So, all you have to do now in order to get that formula is...
"Somehow get Spongehead to uncensor those parts and record the ingredients immediately!" cut in Shankton. "I'm a genius! Aw...why didn't I think of this sooner?"
"Wait what?..." asked a confused Claren. "Are you seriously gonna just cut me off and steal my...
"Alright babe, hubby's going on a little stroll this evening. Don't wait up!" cut in Shankton again as he slowly approached the front door of the Guum Bucket, feeling all too confident in himself.
"Yes, finally. That formula will be ma.... ine!!!"..
"Nelson! Nelson!" exclaimed a furious Claren. "Don't you walk out that door! Come back here! Atleast say thank you you little ungrateful ameoba!... Nelson?..."
Anyway, later that day Shankton came up with a brilliant plan to extract the formula from Spongehead using sheer brutality. However, I feel it would be best if you heard this part of story from Spongehead himself.
THANKS FOR READING AND KEEP EXPLORING!