If only I could be respected without having to be respectable. O'Brian's Law: Everything is always done for the wrong reasons. You will be successful in love.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry. -- R. E. Schenk /earth: file system full. I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.

I am what you will be; I was what you are. There is in certain living souls A quality of loneliness unspeakable, So great it must be shared As company is shared by lesser beings. Such a loneliness is mine;

The key elements in human thinking are not numbers but labels of fuzzy sets. -- L. Zadeh Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better. -- Edgar W. Howe Why are there always boycotts?

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes,

The boy stood on the burning deck, Eating peanuts by the peck. His father called him, but he could not go, For he loved those peanuts so. The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked into a jet

This generation doesn't have emotional baggage. We have emotional moving vans. -- Bruce Feirstein perfect guest: One who makes his host feel at home. Peterson's Rules: (1) Trucks that overturn on freeways

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day. -- Nietzsche When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them. The startling truth finally

Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference. "... freedom ... is a worship word..." "It is our worship word too." -- Cloud William and Kirk, "The Omega

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow. -- Grant Wood We just joined the civil hair patrol! The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers" Sigh. I like to think it's just the Linux people who want

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent. -- Napoleon I A

Keep the phase, baby. What does it mean if there is no fortune for you? If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world. -- R. Schaeberle, "Management Accounting"

Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to... to... uh..... Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on. -- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims" I've looked at the listing, and it's right! -- Joel Halpern A friend is a present you

-- Male cadavers are incapable of yielding testimony. -- Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be well advised to refrain from catapulting projectiles. -- Neophyte's serendipity.

The state of some commercial Un*x is more unsecure than any Linux box without a root password... -- Bernd Eckenfels HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday. -- William

All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott Without love intelligence is dangerous; without intelligence love is not enough. -- Ashley Montagu When

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm? The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits

A bureaucrat's idea of cleaning up his files is to make a copy of everything before he destroys it. A motion to adjourn is always in order. There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.