I've been absent from Steemit for a week or so. How long has it been? My family and I have been in grieving mode over the loss of our beloved Bayley - who was a huge light of love in our house for 7 1/2 years (not long enough).
It was so unexpected. One moment he was running around with Emma in a fevered frenzy of play and the next morning I woke up to a noticeably, lethargic Bay that resembled a dog experiencing a little stomach upset. He obviously didn't feel well so we made an appointment with the vet as a precaution to ease our worries not knowing that these would be our final hours with him.
I won't go into all the devastating details because it's rather sad, but his big ole heart had apparently developed fluid around it.
I am grateful that I spent most of the day with him. I canceled classes to stay with him and held him like a baby looking into his eyes and giving him a soothing massage throughout the day which he always loved so much.
I would like to believe that it was just his time to leave and that he chose the time. However, we miss having his huge presence in this house - he was so very special and will always remain in our hearts and memories...every single day.
So, I would like to take this time to just celebrate the beautiful soul that he was....and his LIFE.
His last photo - taken only hours before he left
It can't be overstated how powerful the love of animals can be or how much impact they can have in our lives.
Little did we know, in November of 2010, that we were about to bring into our family a very special, bigger than life rescue dog. Our Maltese had been alone for quite some time and we thought she might enjoy having a companion dog as well as a dog that our boys could play with and love. It was a unanimous decision - a well-thought-out decision. "Let's adopt a rescue dog!"
We set out looking at all the rescue organizations and fell in love with a dog (not Bayley) and set up an appointment to meet him. As it turned out, this little doggie wasn't available for adoption yet as he was still undergoing quite a bit of training and rehabilitation. Instead, the woman brought out Bayley and was quite adamant that we were the family for him. She was very apologetic about his fear level..."He just needs 'love' and a family to teach him how to trust again." My youngest son began crying, "He's the one, Mommy!" That's all it took - that connection my son had to this little fearful dog.
Apparently, Bayley spent his first two years in a very abusive, puppy mill situation. Never seeing the light of day, grass, the sky for his first two years of life.
We got him home and I cannot tell you just how fearful he was. He couldn't make eye contact. Doing so would send him into an emotional upheaval where he would run, cower his head and begin crying. Forget helping him or guiding him - there was a distinct separation that he needed to have with people. Guiding him to his food dish, water or going potty outside was a monumental achievement. And once he was outside, he was so afraid to come over the door thresh-hold that he went into a screaming fit until I could coax him inside which would take at least 30 minutes - he'd jump in and then jump out, in and out, in and out until I could quickly close the door behind him.
It was a daily, slow moving process. To be honest, I didn't know where this would go or if he would ever not be this fearful little dog.
I decided that I would enroll him in training classes, explaining to the trainer what we were facing with him. We opted for one on one training and this was just as much about training 'us' as it would be for Bayley. We wanted to learn to understand 'how we could help him'. It wouldn't be that easy - we attempted socializing him to a crowd of people and he was just manic - frothing at the mouth, cowering. We decided that this was just too much for him and decided to start with the very basics...watching and observing his behavior in a large room. He'd walk the perimeter like a wild animal scared out of his mind. And then on the very last class, as we sat in our family circle waiting for Bayley to approach us on his own, I suddenly felt this warmth envelope my back and thigh - He had snuck up behind me and marked me as his human. I doubt most people would be happy about this, but I was over the top elated because I knew from that moment there was hope and that he opened the door to trust and love with me.
And then it happened! His eyes met mine and he didn't run away and cower in fear. He peered right into my soul and I into his.
And with the help of his new sister, Bella, she showed him how to play and how to snuggle.
It wasn't perfect, but he was slowly opening up.
Perhaps one of the most beautiful moments in those early weeks that still makes me cry to this day:
We took a trip to the mountains for a gathering in a community that we were thinking of buying land in. On this particular day, I had Bay and Bella on a leash and we were enjoying a walk with a new friend we met. I didn't know much about this new friend with the exception that she did a lot of work with animals and she was a very sweet person.
At some point during the walk, our new friend said, "Why don't you take him off leash and let him run?" There were a lot of layers to Bay along with his anxiety and fear - also his 'wild' like tendencies - I felt very protective over him - and quite honestly didn't know what he would do in such a situation. I imagined that he would run away and never look back getting lost in the mountains. "Oh no, I couldn't do that with Bay", I answered. She reassured me that he would be okay and then said, "He loves you....I can tell....he won't run away." After some more reassuring, I took a deep breath and began unleashing him. "Don't you run away, Bay", I whispered in his ear.
Again, she reassured me with a smile and with the cutting of the cord, Bay took off running as fast as his little awkward legs could carry him! Farther and farther he ran, mindlessly with no indication of slowing down. I felt my heart leap out of my chest as he had run so far ahead that I would never be able to save him. I gasped witnessing this and regretted making such a horrible mistake.
Once more, our new friend assured me, "He will be fine....watch."
Just as he had reached the point of disappearing from sight, he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and turned around and 'looked at me' as if he was saying, "See...I love you and you're my human." He waited there, untethered, until I caught up to him. I will never forget that moment for as long as I live. That was the day we both learned about 'trust' together.
And from this moment on, Bayley only got better. We were able to take him on hikes and he soon adopted us all as his trusted family.
(Chiggers! lol)
Bayley and Bella were the absolute best of friends. She was a true cheerleader for him showing him how to enjoy life.
He soon was interested in everything the family was doing and showed his love always with those beautiful big brown eyes. He had to be completely in the middle of anything we were doing.
His mannerisms were often times like Eeyore, but his spirit like Pooh with a little bit of Tigger mixed in at mealtime as he'd bounce off the ground like he had springs in his back legs :)
Those eyes were always there - comforting, loving.
That face. Always.
He made his loving rounds. Sharing his bed and making room for everyone in his heart.
And when his sister Bella became terminally ill, he became her strength like she had for him.
LOVE always.
And when Bella had beat her blood cancer, he rejoiced on our victory beach adventure
And our trip to the mountains once again (Where's Bay?!)
Little did we know that Bella would soon be leaving us. And her very last day, he circled her bed that day round and round crying, saying his goodbyes.
Bay was lost without Bella - she was his lifeline between the human and animal world. She was his teacher, his mentor, best friend and sister. When she passed, I didn't realize how much he actually depended on her. He didn't know how to be himself without her. He became depressed for months. So much so that I had to bring him to the vet to see if there was something we could do to help his depression.
As life often does, we were surprised with a little puppy named Emma coming into our life and....well...Bay just couldn't stop smiling.
What was so endearing about this moment was watching Bayley blossom as a nurturer, parent figure, companion, teacher for Emma. It was like watching Bella's beautiful little spirit continued on in the patience and love that Bay gave to Emma. It was beautiful to see.
I'm happy to entertain!
Soon his new little sister was big enough to take on road trips. And this is when I realized our super scared little boy had overcome his greatest fear - people! He quickly became the talk of the island. It just so happened that he developed an auto-immune disease of his eyes that made them very vulnerable to sunlight. We bought him some sunglasses to help with his sensitivity and he wore them without any complaints. But it did make him more noticeable and people came swarming to him with their hands all over him and their faces in his. He never flinched - he was now a confident, happy little guy soaking up the extra love and attention with joy. AMAZING milestone! You did it Bay!
In writing this, it occurred to me that Bay had such a full and loving life while with us. With the addition of Emma and raising her, he had somehow come full circle in the evolution of love. After all, that is what life is about...LOVE.
I had to write this celebration of life for our Bay to let everyone know just how special he was and that his life 'mattered' greatly.
I am so grateful to have been loved by such a gentle and amazing being and I will always be his human.
