Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it. Edmund Burke
When I have a less-than-ideal interaction with another person, I try to not only reflect on what they said and did but also how I reacted and if I was truly the cause of their suffering. We all can walk softer and be kinder to ourselves and others, I believe. We are taught to be abrasive through various corporate owned medias, and that is not the way to our true selves.
Yesterday, I had someone very quickly spiral out-of-control and tell me that they were going to leave (it was just the two of us at the time) if I "didn't stop." This person had just spent several minutes telling me about their vacation which mostly consisted of how wonderful the Canadians vs. how terrible Americans are in her opinion.
Hindsight is 20/20 and I should have left that opinion to rest. Alas, I did not.
I had barely stated that there are wonderful people everywhere.....which I guess was the first trigger. And then to barely get out the gate by replying that I have met friendly Canadians, well, that was enough and they were going to leave the room immediately because "these are my emotions" and they are valid.
Essentially, I was highjacked by their emotions towards my differing opinion. Mind you, I wasn't being confrontational and this escalated so quickly I almost missed it. After seeing that this person wasn't interested in dialogue, I quietly said that I wasn't trying to insult them. They said that they are triggered because of a friend who always has to argue with their opinions.
I know at one point during this quick de-escalation, I just said, "So I cannot state my opinion. Okay." Thanks. Now I know the rules. Your opinion is valid. You shut me up with some statement of "my emotions are my emotions" and then I cannot say anything or else you will leave. Okay.
So, I have been taught this mumbo-jumbo psycho-babble.....and have used it in the past, when I was younger and more impressionable. I believed that the psychiatrist was trying to help. I think, really, they were (like most) ensuring a returning customer.
Of course, this person's emotions are important....but then again, so are mine. Her opinion is important, but then again, so is mine. See where I am going with this? This person shut me down with their emotional baggage that is their work, not mine.
We all have issues to deal with and reign in. I am not a therapist (thank you, God) and will not pretend to be one. I will say that I have worked on for many decades my issues. They are still there, I just recognize them and neutralize them when I can. Journaling used to be my go-to. Anymore, just a nightly reflection helps tremendously.
Even after this interaction, I was fine. I was surprised that they did not trigger me. It was like I could see them clearly now and just wanted to hold my ground, de-escalate, do my business, and move on. Mission accomplished.
You will know them by their fruits....
~ The Bible
I know from previous discussions, that this person has a lot of work to do. The inner dialogue must be treacherous. I don't envy them. What I can do is be a kind person but also take care of myself first. I will be curious to see how future interactions occur.
In this crazy world of media-taught emotionally fueled hatred, I feel that real, logical discussion is becoming a rarity. Logic and reason will be my next topics to research. We really need to take care of each other, and assuming the worst won't help matters.
God Bless and be well!! All is not lost.
