Fade To Black

Anything that has a beginning will eventually have an end. But those two terms are more of imaginary lines we like to draw on what is otherwise a continuous flow.

Should we feel sad about winter, more than we feel happy about spring? Would spring and its symbolism as a new beginning, without the winter, have any significance or even be a thing?

I've been dealing with a multitude of issues for a while now, and during the past few days, an extra has occurred, since they love to come bundled together in waves. Not the celebratory kind, despite the timing, but more of the reflection inducing kind.

I have this crazy thought sometimes, that one does not "stay" if they feel they are "unwanted" by others.
Like being casted in a void that disperses and drains out any shred of energy one has left to separate them from merging and becoming part of it. This is different from being 'loved' or 'hated' by some.
One cannot simply carry on for long, when an overwhelming majority are willing to let go of them or wanting them to "go".

Ermm, no... I'm not talking about politics. That game has a different set of rules it seems.

I'm talking about life and death!

Between birth and death is a glimpse of some theatrical events we call life, whatever happens within that period, despite it being pointless and meaningless in the grand scheme of this nonpersistent existence... We still like to believe that it holds some meaning, and sure, maybe it does. We invented a word for it after all!

A woman of 90-some years young has recently passed away. She had many children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and then some more.

I'm not good with tributes, and haven't intended to write one, so I won't. I will just lay down a few thoughts I have on mind through this quick overview of her life instead.

During her last 15-20 years, I have seen and heard the overall attitude towards her sadly shifting from being a center piece to almost unwanted as somewhat a burden by some of her offspring. Not that they didn't love her, nor that they've left her uncared for, but life and their families as they grew older became their priority, along with the general situation becoming increasingly difficult on all fronts.

Saddening to say the least, but that's the natural way of things I guess. Not to mention humans have these tendencies to complain even about the very nature they were made of in the first place.

Despite her old age, luckily she wasn't suffering from any major illnesses or even minor ones.
In fact, she was "healthier" than me and many others, including some of her great great grandkids whom she outlived to witness their fortunate or unfortunate departure, take your pick depending on your views about life.

Is it a blessing to live for long, or is it a curse?

Some might say it is a blessing, others might say being born has already been THE curse.
Despite my opinion leaning more towards the latter and regardless of your opinion or mine about it, everyone agrees that being and remaining healthy is the best thing one can and should aspire for.

Anyways, back to the point I was trying to make or break, if there was any to begin with.

She got married at an exceedingly early age, where playing with dolls or playing hide and seek would've been more appropriate, more in line with her thinking, and more in tune with her whims. Scolded by her parents for calling her husband "uncle" out of respect, because she didn't know any better, as he was a few years older and a much taller kid, but those few years made a whole difference in her mindset, and auto-respecting "older" folks was a thing.

Don't get me wrong, there was no abusive relationship per say, she loved him and has always spoken highly of him.
But judging by today's standards, and rightly so, it is outrageous, totally unacceptable and a crime for parents to allow, let alone force such marriages on kids. More recent generations may or may not be aware that this was the "norm" in most places if not all over the world, some got rid of it a bit earlier than others, but without the struggles and the epic life battles these older generations had to endure, none of the rights, laws, freedoms, and standards of living that the present and future generations live to enjoy or ruin would've been possible.

She, as most families of farmers in that era, had many children, during the times of global and local unrest and major changes. A young and an early widow had to raise her kids mostly alone, working in the fields, carrying a baby with one arm as her youngest was barely 20 days old when their father died, while picking fruits, vegetables, and sowing with the other arm.

Older generations and their OnlyFarms, eh?

Eventually, with the help of the eldest son who had to start working early on, to provide with her for his siblings, each played a role, forged, impacted and improved the paths for the younger ones.

I'm pretty sure this is a classic for many families during those times. So, needless to go into details.

A kid, who raised kids, struggled and laughed, played and cried, and eventually, died as it were, a kid, despite of it all, and regardless how strong, just like everyone else… Deep down, do we ever grow up?

Time goes on and we tend to forget, even the ground that we stand on. Perhaps that's a good thing so we can keep moving forwards, but certainly pausing and reflecting from time to time is needed too.

Requiescat In Pace, Grandma. You lived a full and fulfilling life, with its goods and bads, ups and downs, traveled and seen many places, met and knew many faces.
You were loved by many, despite some erratic swings on that Cosmic-Want-O-Meter scale.
Your journey of cycles around the sun may have ended, only to signal and enable the beginning of your everlasting universal journey of ultimate peace.

And to all the good, loving, and wonderful grandma's, and grandpa's out there, current and future ones. Whether it is realized in each and every moment or temporarily forgotten, through your struggles and all that you've been through, you carried on your shoulders and paved the way for this bittersweet dream known as life to go on.

Trying to sweeten and reduce the bitterness as possible. Defining a meaning from the meaningless, warming and populating the vast cold void with cheer and happiness whenever applicable.