Hey everyone! Nite morning π How are you doing? Iβm here
This comes from those weird days when the power goes out, time starts feeling kind of off, and you end up creating not because everything is ready, but because you need to. Tbh, thatβs exactly how these days have been for me. No electricity, no clear routine, but still a lot of motivation to keep practicing, trying new things, and not losing that creative flow. So between blackouts, pastel chalks, charcoal, and a bunch of ideas floating around, this piece came out. Itβs not βfinishedβ in the classic sense, but more like an honest record of the process, the attempts, the mistakes, and that constant struggle between wanting to control everything and letting chaos have a voice too
These days without electricity have kind of forced me, without meaning to, to change the way I work. Normally I rely a lot on digital stuff, having references open, music playing, constant light, all of that. But when none of that is there, youβre pushed back to the basics. Paper, pastel chalks, charcoal, a bit of soft charcoal, and thatβs it.
The sound of charcoal on paper, the dust from the chalks, stained hands everywhere. It feels more physical, more direct. Btw, I think thatβs exactly why these sketches feel different, more raw. There isnβt much time to overthink if something is βrightβ or βwrongβ, you just do it before the little bit of light coming through the window is gone.
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Oil pastels ended up being the perfect excuse to keep practicing while thereβs no electricity. And even though itβs βpastel,β the process stayed very loose and intuitive. I didnβt use charcoal at the beginning at all, only at the very end, just to push a few details and add contrast. Most of it was built directly with oil pastels, layering, smudging with my fingers, and letting the marks stay as they came out. Itβs not a clean or academic technique at all, itβs more about feeling it out. And yeah, thatβs harder than it sounds, because Iβm so used to polishing everything, correcting, carving the image until it looks βnice.β
I wanted it to feel more chaotic, messier, less βcorrect.β But my hand automatically goes for symmetry, balance, trying to βfixβ things. And thatβs where the inner fight starts. Because one part of me wants to let the drawing break a bit, get dirty, feel uncomfortable. And the other part just wants to save it, make it readable, make it make sense. Lol, I guess that says a lot about how I work too.
This exercise, more than a final result, is a conscious practice. Iβm planning something bigger, something riskier, and this feels like a warm-up. Like giving myself permission to fail. To see how far I can push the chaos without feeling like everything is slipping out of my hands. And yeah, itβs not easy. Sometimes the fear isnβt that itβll look bad, but that it wonβt be understood, that no one will read it the way I feel it.
The photos I show are exactly how the process unfolded. There are no poses or "perfect" moments. They are honest records of how the image grows. Iβm really into that contrast between the darkness of the charcoal and those colors that show up almost by accident. Like something is trying to come out, even if it doesnβt have permission yet. And I think that connects a lot with the stage Iβm in right now: experimenting, trying things out, without having all the answers.
Another important thing about this process is time. Without electricity, time feels different. No clocks ticking, no notifications, no outside pressure. You just work until the natural lightβs gone, and thatβs it. It kinda forces you to be more intuitive, to trust the moment more. Sometimes a drawing ends up halfway done, and thatβs totally fine. Honestly, I think learning to leave things unfinished is part of letting go of control. Not everything has to be perfectly wrapped up. Sometimes the value is in the attempt, not the final result.
I'm not looking for this work to be "pretty" or "pleasant." I want it to be honest. I want it to show that there is a search, that there are doubts, that there is resistance. And even so, I keep going. I keep drawing, I keep trying, I keep getting my hands dirty. BTW, that's enough for me.
So this thing Iβm sharing isnβt just a drawing made with oil pastels and charcoal during a blackout. Itβs part of a bigger process. A search thatβs still going on. Itβs practice, itβs study, itβs mistakes, itβs persistence. And itβs also an invite to see art from a more human, closer place. A place where not everything is figured out, where chaos has room too, and where creating doesnβt depend on having everything, but just on wanting to do it anyway.
Oh, and one more thing before I wrap up...
A while ago I was looking for this little shark you see down here π¦. Itβs really special to me. I won it a long time ago here, n it was done by a person many years ago but also I consider a GREAT GREAT GREAT FRIEND now n who does amazing work , very talentedπ€.
I thought I had lost it , I was very sadβ¦ but noooo! I got it back! Yes ! He found n sent it to me again, and Iβm so happy to have it with me once more.
So from now on, this shark will be keeping me company π
Now yes! See you next time.
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