I got a lot of responses, feedback and interactions from my last post, which you can read by following the link. I am humbled at how this revelation has impacted my relationships and especially of the people I know. A few guys even asked me how they can fix this issue, so I felt moved to explain in more detail what I see. So far, the women in my life are standing up and saying 'YES', so I think I'm onto something here.
The realization that emotional energy is different than sexual energy helped me separate emotional connections with sex. While this may like a seem simplistic explanation, I'm not sure yet how to describe it any other way. But simply put:
While these activities could be a part of a sexual relationship, they are key and paramount to forming an intimate emotional connection with another beautiful spiritual being and it always comes first! Some of these activities are only for intimate romantic relationships while the others help in building intimate platonic (non-sexual) relationships. Knowing ones own boundaries, those of their romantic partners and those with whom we are looking to build platonic relationships with is key in determining which activities will help us form successful intimate emotional connections. I've found out through my experience that in either romantic or platonic relationships, connecting these emotional activities to sex causes a great deal of stress and frustration with the ladies because it is so violent.
If our friends or lovers are looking for an emotional connection and we connect sexual energy to that activity, then we are bypassing the emotional connection and going straight to processing sexual energy. I've discovered that this is a violent and very disruptive process which sabotages the process of building an emotional connection with somebody else. When we do that, then we have sabotaged all our efforts at building an emotional connection and we end up sacrificing the relationship just for sex. This is damaging to the relationship and then we wonder why we are unable to form special emotional bonds with other people.
This is not to say that within a romantic relationship that these activities could not be a part of the sexual relationship. In fact they are important parts. However, I do think that both partners need to be on the same page so that expectations can be managed and that both partners can process the right energy in a healthy way while building a strong bond between the two. That requires communication, health and experience to be able to work through the shift from processing emotional energy to sexual energy in an appropriate fashion. A break down in that communication and we end up using force or coercion against our sexual partner, damaging the relationship.
I really do think that if us guys can figure this out, we will find our relationships with women strengthen as the ladies can finally trust us that we are not going to expect or force sex onto them when all they want is an emotional connection. I think we disrespect them all when ever we take liberties to make that leap without their consent by making assumptions or engaging in force or coercion.
Over the last few days I've been doing a lot of reflecting over my entire life as I look back at all the times that I did this to the women in my life, including my wife! I've processed a lot of shame, guilt and sadness over the realization of what I did unconsciously and despite my declaration of peace. I am working hard to forgive myself and integrate this new finding into my life. This revelation has been a huge challenge and one of the biggest realizations of my life. I've already helped men and women through this process that I just experienced. I changed my world and that in turn is rippling through out other people's world as well.
I am humbled as I find Creator is working through me to bring peace to our lives, one small step at a time. I know that when we can focus on building intimate emotional connections with one another, some magic starts to happen. We connect with one another in ways most of only dream about. Skin color becomes irrelevant as does religious beliefs, politics and economics. When we start to form intimate emotional connections we suddenly feel comfortable in reaching out for help when we need it or providing help when others are in need. We don't feel alone in the world as our tribe grows in strength and significance.
Imagine having tribe members working together to heal one another in ways the system could never accomplish. The healing and work that I am doing now could never happen in some therapy group. This is done through spiritual guidance by Creator with the support of key tribe members and my loving wife. The emotional connections that I made through my tribe provided me with the support, encouragement and freedom to dig deep and learn more than I ever thought possible. I was able to accomplish this level of healing because I was able to form strong emotional connections with other women. The women in my life helped me in ways they may never know and that could only happen because I worked hard to build trusting relationships with them all. That provided the safety and comfort we needed to be vulnerable around each other so that we could take risks to work through issues that are sensitive, private or potentially harmful, embarrassing or riddled with guilt.
Do any of us have issues buried deep in our closet that we swore we would never share with another living being? Well guess what? When we build strong emotional connections with people, we build security and safety to allow us to bring those skeletons out of the closet and heal them. That is how we change change lives! That is how we end the violence. Through courage to explore and heal the darkness within. That is what I did this past weekend and I'm grateful for the experience. Even though it was hard as hell, I did it!
Guys, imagine if we were able to build relationships like that with one another so that we could then explore that level of intimacy with the ladies in our lives. Imagine how that will change our lives forever! Imagine!!!
Marechal [Public domain]
