Two kingdoms on the brink of war
Nobody really knew what for
But old King Dean and old Queen Dee
Could simply never quite agree
One day, King Dean decided he
Would like a war with old Queen Dee
The trouble was, there wasn't quite
A good excuse to start a fight
And so, he sent his message lad
To goad Queen Dee and make her mad
"Go tell that bat she smells like piss", he said
"Oh I can't wait for this!"
The message boy was called Young Tim
And war did not sound good to him
But still, to save the pain and hassle
Tim, he rode to Queen Dee's castle
"I have a message for your queen",
Said Tim. The guard looked stern, and mean.
"From whom?" he barked "From Dean!" said Tim
The guard pointed his pike at him
"Oh, hey, don't shoot the message lad"
Tim told the guard, who looked quite mad.
"I'm just the message boy, good sir.
Can I deliver it to her?"
The guard said "go on, tell her, mate"
And let the boy in through the gate.
He found her in the courtyard, walking
And so he coughed, then started talking
"I have a message from King Dean.
It's for her majesty the queen."
The queen stopped pacing, turned around
She gave the boy a glare, then frowned
"He says..." Tim started, full of fear.
But then, he had a great idea.
"He says you smell like a wild rose"
The queen stopped still; she simply froze
A moment passed. Then two. Then three.
Then: "Hmph" - the response from old Queen Dee
"King Dean is playing a silly trick.
Go tell him he's a massive dick."
Young Tim rode back to see his king,
Though vowed to tell him no such thing.
Instead, he said "she thinks you're sweet"
And laid a flower at his feet.
The king went red. "She sent me this!?"
Tim added that she'd sent a kiss.
"It must be some big joke" Dean said
"She's playing games with my old head"
"Go tell her that I'm not a fool.
I'm smart, I am - both smart and cool!"
Tim said "why don't you come with me?
She means it, sir, please come - you'll see!"
And so, young Tim and old King Dean
Rode out to see the mighty queen.
But just in case she wanted fights,
He brought with him his favourite knights.
Tim asked the king "what would you do,
If old Queen Dee was tricking you?
What if, behind her walls so high,
Her archers are all standing by?"
The king declared "you're right, young man.
We need to form a cunning plan"
And so, Tim said "let's paint our shields
So we can hide within the fields."
And so, they stopped, and made some dye
The knights did not dare question why.
As old King Dean's commanding powers
Told them to paint their shields with flowers.
"While you all paint, I'll ride ahead
To check for danger" young Tim said.
And off he galloped, to the east
To tell Queen Dee to prepare a feast.
She wasn't pleased to see young Tim
In fact, she had it in for him:
"IF YOUR KING WANTS TO PLAY WITH ME
I'LL SHOW HIM PAIN - JUST WAIT, YOU'LL SEE!"
"Oh, no" said Tim "you've got him wrong.
His love for you is deep, and strong.
In fact, he has a huge surprise -
Look over the wall, and open your eyes"
Queen Dee, she sniffed suspiciously
But nonetheless, stepped out to see.
And just beyond the castle wall
Stood old King Dean, his knights and all
She gasped "oh my, what is he doing?"
Said Tim "I think you call it wooing"
"You mean..." she asked "that in those fields,
Stand knights with flowers on their shields?"
Queen Dee rushed down the stairs with pride
And out the gates, her arms flung wide
"King Dean" she gushed "I did not see
You felt the same as silly old me"
"I do?" he asked, with furrowed brow
"You do!" said Tim. "You can kiss her, now"
And did he? Yes. Oh my, he kissed her.
Kissed her hard, and said he'd missed her.
And so, two kingdoms once near war
(And still, nobody knows what for)
Became united, thanks to Tim
And one white lie, told on a whim.
